Monday, December 31, 2007

mY b'DaY

it was the best of times

it was the worst of times

one of the most poignant starting lines in a book and perfect to describe my week.

my b'day week. i had my b'day a couple of days back and i gave myself the best gift possible. a complete hibernation from the world. i didnt check my email, didnt care about my phone. i didnt come online and didnt reply to emails. it was like i dropped off the face of the earth. and i have to admit , it was glorious !

strong words :-/ but i wasn't depressed or sad or didnt feel despondency.. oh hell i can't spell. i was content to read my books. to sleep, eat and read my beloved books. granted they had to be done online. i listened to peaceful music and i didnt have to deal with anything i didnt want to.

in a way it was a brief respite. i know i have to get back to it tomoro. the world. i cannot hide forever. but it was a good break. i know i need a longer.

sometimes i've thot assylums are probably the best places in the world for sane people. how can people ever get bored with solitude. if they have books that is?

i can say my 25th b'day was awesome. coz i spent all night reading and then all day sleeping. yes i can say that it was truly bless'd.

aaaw jeez i gotta go back to school tomoro... until the next break i can have ....

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

kiLlEr beEs

in exactly 3 days it will be one whole yr since i came to this .. place.

now i wish i cud pontificate ( a new word i learnt from another fav prof ) about how i never realized how time flew and all that. but the truth is. i WAS aware. every excruciating minute of it. every day i was aware of the minutes i spent away from home and as snoopy says, the mere comprehension of actually having spent a yr out here makes me wanna bang your head on the nearby wall.
ok ok snoopy didnt say that, but its just sounds way cooler if i quote him.. ya know?

i think i have reached the pinnacle of success in my life. why? coz i have started a blood feud with this annoying... person. actually i seem to have started blood feuds with many annoying... persons. except that this one is different. this one is hates me too. the rest are just nincompoop dodos who dont know a blood feud when it hits them in the face.
ha ! u blundering fools atlast i have an arch enemy worthy of my time.

ok i admit it. all the hibernation seems to have got to me. i'm wierder than usual. must be all the disney cartoons i've been watching lately.
yaaaawn , okies back to sleep. i tell ya. bears have got the right idea.

u shud read this comic strip everyday. agnes. its funny. i mean its as funny as calvin sometimes. kids that have a killer sense of irony. that and chocolate chip cookies make life worth living :P

Monday, December 17, 2007


so i try to go shopping. and what happens ???
we get lost.
well not lost.

but we got off the bus about i/2 hour away from the bus stop and ... and than wat !!
we trudged the rest of the way, singing wayward songs... and seeing our life pass us by.. boy was it freezing. and there we were walking in the middle of a snowstorm and trying to keep our limbs from falling off.

it was funny.

well the gud news is that i finally have a coat. woohoo.
and my fees for next sem will be paid off !

woohoo !

i'M dOne

stick a fork in me, am done !!
whew its been a tough couple of months. like we said .. ( thats me and my multiple personalities.. yup they'r back )

wooohooo !! am done. and i don't even care a damn about the coming cold and long winter months !!! :P

so what if i got crazy morons around me who call me unspeakable names !! so what if i got work ahead of me and no chance of a break. so what if my colleague next to me in the lab is trying to turn me into a true blue christian ??? so what if my mother back home is desperately trying to off me. well not kill me, no. but trying to get rid of me. well u know...

so what ??/
a lesser person might despair ! but not me !! woohoo. am done.

ouch. i just tripped over the chair while i was doing the single-boy-am-i-glad-to-be-done dance.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007


its always strange, when a well meaning christian tries to convert you.
i mean has it happened to you yet ?? u shud try it sometimes.

they'r very friendly folk you know. and i think its part of they'r thing. u know get more sheep. all very noble ofcourse. but not helping the global balance at all.
its sad that these gentle people, are so mixed up. i mean i'm sure they'r a fine folk, but its ridiculous. them trying to convert everyone around themselves.

unfortunately for my shepherd friend, i am a lil too opiniated to be swayed. and besides i'm part agnostic, part fanatic when it comes to this one topic.
no way am i falling for some cockammammy story on how one religion is better than the other. if you want my opinion ( and am sure u do.. yeah right )
there's one god and if he didnt exist it wud be necessary to invent him. its just one giant coping mechanism , and if you got time and your interested i got this fabulous idea on how energy is concentrated and becomes god and how our brains control our reality...

thats what happened you know...
i ended up giving the poor guy a lecture, on how all gods are one. and the universe is just made up of energy. i did get a ride home though.
mebe that was time well spent for him..

Monday, December 10, 2007

wiErD fRiENds

so a friend of mine pings me after a long time..
just to say hi.

i got an exam due the next day. right? so am a bit terse. i mean i'd LIKE to get all chummy with you pal , but hey take it up with my prof. or mebe my moronic project teammates who decide they'd rather party than do anything else ...

ok ok its just the frustration talking..

so he pings me. (yes its a he, we have now established that)

me: "hey"
"how you doing?, by the looks of your blog, your not doing well"
me: eh what ?
"yeah your pathetic "
me: "whaaaat ?, excuuuse me". "oh are we doing that now??" "ok i think your a **&%^%* &*%^$ *&@%&&!"

lets just say you don't want the rest of the conversation. its def PG rated. :P
i mean whats with these wierdos??? ofcourse the more pertinent question is. what the heck are they doing on my friends list ?
its funny. oh come on u know its funny. just like that time you told me you had carpal tunnel syndrome, i thought it was a joke and i insisted you type out the entire chapter 3 back to me just for kicks... ok that was not that funny...

but then seriously. wats with guys ?? are they born morons??? and the explanation was
"you jumped the gun i was just saying your circumstances are pathetic."

yeah like that helps a lot.

with the mood i'm in right now. i could just kick someone's ass. mebe yours. mebe the chinese guy sitting next to me. i don't know. i could just do it ya know.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

iT's hErE

sigh , its here... the snow. too early.. much too early.

i got only one thing to say


aaaargh, i need to sleep.

just finished the demo yesterday, it wasn't that bad, not as bad as i thought it would be...feel like my term hols have already started ! yikes hakf the day is already gone !! ok gotta get back to work... see ya in 2 weeks


its the home stretch...

Sunday, December 2, 2007

fiNaLs aRe hEre

being a person with OCD , doesn't help at all... ok ... so i started the story from the middle , but isn't that the best way to tell a story ???
start at the middle, go any which way you please based on a random prob generator and then hit the beginning somewhere along the way....

if your lucky, your listeners will be so muddled you can then ask them for lunch, then they might just look dazed and hand you the money.. or bring you lunch. either ways your good. ;P

ok i've started rambling again, not a good sign..this is what happens , end of sem..

this week has been gud, all my old friends started pingin me , one by one.. u know .. friends from my old gang.. reminds me of how close we were. ok we used to bitch a lot. but its like the siblings thing.. u know like brothers and sisters.. have you watched that show? we're all like that...

yeah i miss them, and i don't know when i'd get to see them again ... everyone keeps asking me how come i'm not going home.. i don't know. the thought never crossed my mind. am sure when next summer i'll look equally puzzled. hey what do i do at home? when i got research piled up all around me out here.. mebe its coz i JUST CANNOT imagine booking a two way ticket to go home..

but all thats besides the point.. so everyone is going home..for the winter.. for the christmas.. hols and cheer and all that bunk..
thats nice.

even ppl who went 6 months ago are going home.. thats nice..

last 2 weeks of school and things are heating up. its great. but this sem was pretty slow compared to last sem.. don't even rem the last month of spring.. but here i am, excruciatingly aware of each minute...
well its the last sem of crazy subjects i hope.. nowhere closer to the answer than when i started out.. but then we don't want to start talking about that ! wrong time wrong place..

ok ok
am going
have rambled enough for today.
you'll get a disaster update after all the exams are done :P

have a gud dec folks.. 07 is almost over and boy was it a ride !

Monday, November 26, 2007

hArd tO sTAy aWaKE

pufff ... uffff

man either i am really outta shape, or I've lost it. i cudnt walk much today... from the bus stand to school. am not that bad usually. i can usually make it to class.

think its the old problem thats come back. i think i'm really sick. no no ! not that way u perverts.
i mean i think i'm ill. one of the worst things is i can't go running home to mommy now. i gotta somehow survive out here..

its not that bad. lot of ppl get sick. no am not trying out for the martyrs awards...
not being brave or anything. ofcourse i am incredibly stupid. never take my pills when i shud. just too forgetful. more imp things in life. like sleeping and gazing up at the ceiling. i need to get out of my room. had enuf of it...

yaaaawn am tired. i need to sleep. bunked classes today. to sleep. 3 more weeks ppl ... 3 more weeks..

Friday, November 23, 2007

bLaCK FriDaY

i went shopping today and the whole mass consumerism ? it drove me nuts !

it was insane ! the place just sucked the energy out of me !! i cudnt believe the ppl running around , buying stuff as if it was paper clips.. no seriously !! u shud have seen the bags.. and am sure half the stuff they wudnt even need.
talking about stuff ppl don't need, you shud meet my roommate. i contend that ppl don't need half the stuff they own. and if you've seen her, you've probably seen it all... now seriously tell me. does anyone really care that i don't have more than 20 shirts and invariably repeat them after 20 days... considering that i go home only once in 3 days now.. i don't think it even matters....
i don't think i need that many clothes or shoes or jackets.. i don't need color coordinated stuff.. pink shoes for pink bags ? and matching earrings to boot ??? jackets in different shades of colors ?? and socks to match ??? who the heck cares !! and is that the only way to make yourself feel better?

having better stuff. applying gunk to our faces. wearing pretty jewelry ....ugh ! granted once in a while i DO like to dress up and feel nice. but thats more of a novelty. i wud rather feel better about myself if i solved complex code. or if i got a 100 in all my assignments .. THAT is more important right now. somehow. if i did a thesis worthy of some research.. that wud be way too cool..

THAT is important...

i have to admit. i caved. completely in a couple of hours. lost my bag. roamed half the mall searching for it... looking very forlorn , coz i had bought this ONE THING and then promptly lost it.found my bag. came home and slept for 5 straight hours. i bought one pair of shoes. woohooo my one victory against shopping :P
yeah yeah i know its pathetic ...
i think i'll go back to the time tested model ... get my mom to shop for me !!!
it can't go wrong.. ofcourse occasionally i do end up with bright purple tank tops ...or fiery green skirts...or shoes that i wudnt be caught dead in...or shirts that i wud rather see burnt, than worn by anyone... ( ok ok i know awright !)

sigh.. i really need to buy my own stuff don't i ? go to a shop and peruse through millions of racks of clothes .. oh curse the variety that exists for females !!! aah well mebe purple IS my color ??? mebe i cud learn to love yellow shirts ???

ugh !

hey my code in 551 now works !!! now i wonder if it wud work better if i moved from the pure eigensubspace to a discriminant subspace. or mebe i shud really try multiclass support vector machines...

ps: happy thanksgiving again folks.. hope u still have ur mind after the mind numbing shopping spree !!!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

sTuDentS oF tOdAY

i like this ...

its kinda creative ...

what is it ???? to be student today ???
i bet ya that cmu is whole lot different.. study only 3 hours a day !! and work only 2 !! thats unheard of out here..
i completely cut my eating times. i eat at my desk when i find food...
i cut my sleeping time. i sleep bout 5 hours a day on average...

i spend atleast 15 hours studying+working+homework+meetings and the rest ofcourse just goes...
1.5 hours chatting on gtalk
3 hours class
0.5 hour email
3 hours on internet
1.5 hr commuting

do the math !!!
i got 29.5 hours in my day !!!

and trust me when i say this.. i dont work as hard as some people do...
now am so starved for time. that i stay back in school and save up on that one hour of commuting...

hApPy pLaCEs

i'm in love

love with a song.

happens once in a while.
i think its the insane need of a human to be in love with something or the other.. i was thinking of all my posts.. naaah i don't have the patience to read them..
i was thinking of that one day when i was enjoying the sun and the skies...

and the blue blue sky and thinking of the song i was in love with.

hey, if ppl can irrationally fall for someone ... i can fall for a song can't i ?
no not the singer. just the song. not even the voice of the song, but the song. its existence in the world proves that beauty can be wrought out of nothing. and as long as ppl continue to cr8 such beauty there is hope yet for mankind :P

ok call me a hopeless romantic. but only in this regard !!! ha ! just coz i believe there is hope yet.
close ur eyes and listen to the song... and imagine ... blue blue skies...
and birds.. blue birds flying lazily across that sky. of white puffy clouds. and then imagine that you cud sing with a voice straight from the heavens and that u sat on a mountain top with a rusty ol' guitar and strummed to ur hearts content...

and there'd be a lake nearby where the sky wud be reflected perfectly ...
oh wait i think i got a picture which resembles this slice of heaven :P

so imagine ur there, u've got a cup of chai... and ur singin this song.

now u know i'm in love.
in love with a song .......

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


perhaps you've heard this song before ... perhaps you've not.

but there's something in this guys voice that moves us..
apparently he's dead and died at a young age.. reminds me of a friend we lost over the summer....

reminds us that there is some beauty in the world after all , and anyone can create it..

god bless ya'll over the hols and be safe...


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

laST stAnD

Its the last couple of days before the sem ends...
last 2 weeks to be exact. don't even know where the days went. i swear it was all a blur..

its time. to take a stand before the approaching enemy .. to stand firm and look at it in the eye and not give an inch...

OR throw your weapons to the ground, hold on to your hat for dear life and run as fast as you can. now is NOT the time for yapping, silly ! get going. run ! before he can get you...

oh well i was born a coward.. i cudnt stand exams.. or final demos..
last night i slept in my lab. looks like i'm moving into the lab....
Prof was right, this is turning into a nightmare.

i don't know how much will get done... and i don't know if its worth my sanity. but am sure glad i dropped that course, though i wish i had taken a mini in the first half... then i cud have afforded to fund myself next semm and wudnt have had a course hanging over my head.....

but thats enuf of whining. i need to make sure my shoes are in order so i can make a dash for it....

wish me luck ppl.. and gud luck to u too.. if uve got something major coming up as well...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

iNtErviEW bEgOnE

i hate interviews. i don't perform well , as a general rule... I know something , i freeze up. and completely go blank. u know those interviews where they just want you to keep trying till u get somewhere? man those are soooo not for me ...
i keel over and fall apart. and its really a sad sight !! pathetic. a grown woman falling apart.

one of my worst interview questions was "what is a sine wave" and i started dumbly at the female. WAT A DORK !! ofcourse i knew wat a sine wave was. and by all means she was a biology major. perhaps that was her toughest math question. but for the life of me i could not come up with an answer. i just froze completely and to add injury to insult i had travelled miles for that interview. a couppla hundred.

so the saga continues out here. i hate interviews and normally would avoid them like the plague.

hey i can work dammit. with all my modesty , let me tell you that i can work. day and night and my results aint that bad either. i clip on at a decent pace.
but interviews? just had my first telephonic interview and i have to say, some of the questions were really silly if i had done my basic preperation. no no, thankfully i was not asked to explain a sine wave, but i was asked explain how the z transform is mapped graphically to a fourier transform

and i was like .... uuuuuuhhhhh what do you mean?
and obviously he explained and i was like.. man i shud know this stuff.

but then ... if i think about it a bit, its like i'm sabotaging myself at every
mebe i DON't WANT a job. mebe all am doing is pretending to try and keep failing so that i got a legit excuse for not working.. so that i dont feel guilty..

ugh....too..... much... psychology.
brain... overloadin......

ofcourse the pathetic part is , if u really really wanted to get in. its pretty easy to get into half these places.. all u had to do was read a couple of things before the interview to get the brain working. and review some basics...
which ofcourse. am too lazy to do. think i gave about 8 interviews so far. it looks more and more like my undergrad.. the gud thing about mathworks is , they didnt ask me if i had a personal web page. thats the gud thing.
i hate companies that ask me if i have a personal web page...

Monday, November 12, 2007

mY sChOoL


here's something i never knew !!

My dept. ok ok the ece dept of CMU ? is ranked 4th for phd !!!
i mean. think again. WOW we beat MIT.

read it here
College rankings

we came in 4th in the electrical and 8th or so in the computers section.

and we didnt do so bad in other areas also.. 6th in robotics. infact we are the only school that shows up twice in the computers list ??? (but mebe i had myopia :P)

I am sooo proud of my school today !

on another note i think i got some gud news...
i think i got a phd seat in florida. its a small school many ways a complete opposite of cmu.. but then i think i won't lose my sanity there. AND i may not go bald.
now thats surely an incentive !!!


wiERdOs LikE mY fRieND

what kind of madness is this

you should read this - Arbit Articles

now sometimes we are overcome by some weird desire to embarrass the heck out of our fellow tortured creatures... and when that urge comes we shud just go and bang our heads against the wall... Dr acharya, thnx for the kind words.. and consider banging your head against the wall so that you don't repeat it !!!

yeah yeah i cant take a compliment gracefully..

Monday, November 5, 2007

eAt oUT

Its been a while since i actually wrote something..
all of one week.

seems like one my blessed mater stops annoying me, i don't have much grievance with the universe.

now what i did notice is this... there are some people and then there are some people..
amazingly vague isn't it? :P
well there is this guy. he's sitting next to me right now in class... and i feel amazingly clandestine, posting this with him right next to me .. :P
but i think in 2 months of school, he's spent every single day eating free food in school. every SINGLE day.

not bought food a single day. not cooked not shopped. every single day find out where you get free food, in school .. and then go have it.

amazing. u just have to appreciate some people who get around. you just have to.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

cOmE oN oVeR

i like this song even if the video is a bit weird and more like the home video version

so i don't feel so great nowadays.. and i'm trying to make myself feel better by listening to such kind of music...
but its a nice song... was always a fan of rob thomas :P

TrOuBLe wiTh a T

am exhausted would do anything for a good nights rest where i don't have to worry about grades homeworks projects the future , correction the increasing black hole that seems to be my future... yaaaawn

it seems like once you start staying late beyond 5 in the college then time just flies.

supposedly time flies when your having fun, but it also flies when your in deep deep trouble.

had another one of those today. think i royally blew it. i don't know what i was blabbering. i'm sure that's not what i want to do either. why do we even apply to these extremely inappropriate positons?
why do they even call us???

wierdness just scaled new heights in my life.

on the other side of the globe a friend of mine , L has gone nuts. she is in deep... DEEP trouble and boy did she dig her own grave.
this is just not good.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


it must be beautiful night outside. it must be.

i wudn't know coz ive spent the last 12 hours inside my lab. and all i can see of the outside world is a tiny slit through the window. this is a nice slow song don't you think? i just remembered that no matter how much i crib and no matter how much i whine,
some things are still good.

i was asked a question, are you a 'tiger' or a 'eyeore'
and for those who ARE puzzled i'm obviously referring to Winnie the Pooh !

i think this is an excellant question.

oh by the way found this hillarious link out here
you MUST read it.. i think the guy is SO spot on !! gud to find the guys are finally catching on ;P

Friday, October 26, 2007


some people have left us for good. i can't imagine anyone with that much self discipline and with such low levels of curiosity.

I mean if someone had asked me specifically NOT to do something. i think that would be the first thing I'd do.

I mean come on.
If someone says don't read my blog... you just gotta ! right?
i mean u just gotta !! and requests me damned !!

i wudn't be able to stop twitching otherwise !\
oh well self restraint was always a remarkable trait i admired in others but could never practice ;P
and boy have i gotten into trouble for that !


a song i came across ...
and just to get the previous blogs of my front page :P

this is a dedication to all my friends who got engaged recently ! ;P
A, R and P.. cheers !!

here's to you :D hope u have a gr8 journey ahead ...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

nEw YoRk neW yORk

New york is amazing. It instantly reminds you of the sex and the city show, u know what I mean?
All ladies dressed up in Jessica parker kind of clothes. People everywhere walking where they gotta go. Shops all over. Clothes, shoes, just STUFF. Awesome stuff no less. Expensive stuff. Old old buildings, brand new glass one’s. a hand jutting out of a 18th story window holding a cigarette. Rooftops that have mini trees jutting skyward. Snippets of sky between buildings. So many buildings. 40 stories high 70 gettsomething. In your heart. Being an engineer you gotta feel something. So much was done with just our imagination. Call it awesome or call it evil, but its something man dreamt up and built. And the sheer energy of the place ! coming from Muscat, mangalore, mysore, Bangalore, Pittsburgh. This place is unique. More like Mumbai. Since ive never lived in Mumbai I guess I can’t really tell which has more restless , pent up energy. But I guess both of us need a place like this. A buzz giving place. Where everyone comes and dreams big and does something of their lives. I guess we need a couple more too. Bangalore is trying, but I don’t know if it can ever be this way. Ther’s too much resentment. Too much frustration. They don’t embrace chaos as they seem to in Mumbai. It’s a sleepy place forced to become a bustling city. And everyone hates it. But in NY and Mumbai. Everyone loves it. Every single person living here. Loves it.
And the people look thev’e come straight out of a catalogue.
i had an interview in a company. The buzz at that place was just too much ! I felt like ugly betty coming to work for the fashion magazine !! literally !
is ny for me?? I don’t know. I thought I was always the dreamy kind of person, the person who loves to sit alone and ponder and write a verse here and there??
But I also get bored easily. And I need a constant adreline rush in my life.
So is this the place for me?? I don’t know. Well I haven’t got the job offer yet. And just wanting SOME job has nothing to do with getting one. There is so much parallelism I can draw from the other side of my life it almost hurts my sides. From laughing too hard I mean :P

All I can say is that its been an interesting experience. And here I am in another airport bound for another interview. In my sandals. I mean literal bathroom slippers in a salwar. Hey I can traipse across America in my salwar if I want to. Isn’t what this place is all about. Freedom?? ;P to look as scruffy as you want to and no one cares. So I’m in my salwar and if I didn’t have that I’d wear my scruffy shoes and my dirty jeans and I’d go. Coz I really can’t deck up for a flight halfway through America. Tired doesn’t even begin to describe it. And something happens you know. That distracts you.

mEetiNg sOmeOnE

You know wats surprising? The geeky people have girlfriends. No , its not surprising that they HAVE girlfriends. What’s surprising is all those girls look the same! Ok , so I don’t know if this is something weird that I noticed or just some weird thing about the universe.. but I could swear that the last 4 guys I met? Their girlfriends all looked alike. The more I tried the more confused I became. They all had the same hairstyle and I think that’s what threw me off. Research says if everyone on the planet had the exact same hairstyle, we would find it real darn near impossible to recognize people. That’s the human system for ya. Now, don’t get me wrong. These girls were pretty. Much prettier than I can ever claim to be, but they all looked like they were churned out from a factory.
Weird huh ?

But what do u do when ur civilization churns out generic models of people. People who are all the same. One indistguishable from the other ? well I guess the question is , are we losing our personalities? Are we blending in too much with each other and going from a black and white world to just plain brown?

Girls are funny creatures. Guys are not funny creatures , guys are just plain weird ! :P
Ok ok I may be a bit biased and heaven knows I don’t do chick lit. but I like to think guys think a lot less than girls do. They don’t have complex emotional analysis happening in parallel in their brains at every situation. They don’t search for hidden meanings to situations. Well the majority don’t ! I’m sure u’ve come across the occasional touchy guy who gets offended real easily coz he ‘thinks’ you’ve ‘meant’ something when all you were doing was simply cracking a real sad joke.
Now am not saying guys aren’t sensitive. Peel away the layers and damn near everyone is. I haven’t met a single person till date who did not have their sensitive side. I just think some people are better at hiding it than most. And that we don’t show it to all people we like. We just show it to some people. How we choose that set of people? well mebe those folks were just plain unlucky :P
Then ofcourse there is the other side of it. Just coz the entire population on this planet has their sensitive side, does not mean they’r equally sensitive TO other people. We’ve all met real jerks in our lives. And if I said they had a sensitive side too, u’d probably spit in my face. But trust me they do. They just never learnt to bother much bout other people. Mebe that’s why together takin all of them into account, we have the weirdest bunch of friends. Geeks, total opposite of geeks, people who are forever broke, people who are stinkin rich, Misers, extreme spendthrifts, jerks, show offs, etc etc

oh where was i going with all this ???


A is back ^_^ from india .. and everyone bring out the bubbly coz this time a really close friend is engaged..
well almost engaged, but then any excuse to celebrate right ??

its nice to have our friends back..


Sunday, October 21, 2007

tV sHOwS

its late night, am surfing through the channels and guess what i come upon ???
this crazy show where this lady is.. a reality show mind you where this lady is gonna decide who is gonna be the love of her life.

ofcourse what's different you ask ??? lol the funniest part is she's trying to decide and the contestants are both men and women !!!
man i have to admit i watched the show for a while and it was SO FREAKIN FUNNY !!!

ha ! the crazy stuff they show on tv these days !! and ppl watch it !!

bLue bLUe sKY

if there's one reason I'd ever move to Texas, it would be for the sky. coming from New York, the first thing i notice when am riding through the dreary landscape, easily notice is the sky. completely blue with clouds across like cotton wads.. or cotton candy. white cotton candy.

its just so vast. u can spend hours gazing at the sky. its plainly awesome. impressive. and so so blue.

sure New York will impress you with its engineering... thats impressive.
but here?
there's only the sky and sometimes it strikes me. mebe its enough.

mebe that's all i need. thats what i'm missing.

bUsy sUNdAY

this time i was worried. i was really cutting it a bit close.

here i was, with no phone charger in NY. no internet. no battery charge left on my phone. about to go to houston.
this is how it started. the plan was

a cab would pick me up from the hotel. i'd catch a flight to houston from JFK airport and a cab would pick me up from the houston airport and drop me off at the houston hotel. ok sounds good. everything was arranged.
the only prob was i didnt have either of the cab numbers on me. i didnt have internet to check any info. i didnt have the boarding pass. i was not sure i was SUPPOSED to catch the flight at JFk ??
the only thing i knew. LUCKILY that i was catching a jet blue flight. luckily.

so there i was standing in the lobby of the hilton in NY with a voucher. who do i call ? where's the first cab ???
ok so i asked the concierge. ok she knew who to call. and she called and i got the cab.

next problem, am i even supposed to go to JFk ??? i know i had said that but i had just glanced through the flight plan the previous day. in a rush. i cud be blinking wrong !!

man that was a tense 40 min ride. ok i walk to the jet blue counter and the entire queue i'm wondering if theyr gonna tell me i'm in the wrong airport...
wth !

anyways i get the ticket. ok gud. am in. high five !!

ok now am calm for the next 4 hours in the flight. as we reach houston i reember. i don't have my phone anymore. and i don't know where to go.
uh oh

so i land and get my bags. i see a sign that says taxi.

is it a taxi thats coming for me??

is it a limo ??? who knows where i shud stand???

i go wandering around a bit. waiting here , waiting there. no sign.

uh oh,
no internet. no emergency number i can call. no phone to call from.

before the last of the battery dies on my phone, i switch it on and remember the first number i can find. its the only texas number i have. coz i figure that someone may allow me to use their phone, to call one number. u know like in a police lock up.
ok so i memorize this one texan number i know, austin actually. ofcourse calling this number is a lil sticky. asking for help from this person is a lil sticky. avoids me like the plague. probably doesn't like me all that much.
but will do. desperate times call for desperate measures. :-/

ok in case i missed the limo who's number i don't have. do i know where i'm supposed to go ?? in houston ???
hmm its not the mariott. thats where i stayed the last time... hmm i was sure its a place thats name starts with an H. mebe i cud ask someone for a list of all hotels that start with an H...
and while these thoughts are running through my head and am convassing the area for a friendly face who's phone i cud borrow. my plan was to call this person, ask him to login to my email and check the details in my inbox... gud plan huh? luckily i didnt need it.

luckily i had like 20 sec of phone battery left and this driver called me. the limo driver.
and thats how i got here. now

hotel derek.
starts with an H ?? ha !

so much for my memory. i can just see myself roaming the streets of houston searching for a hotel that starts with H.
how do i GET Into these scrapes????

i shudn't be allowed outside my house in public.

i have NO IDEA what i'm doing across seven seas in a strange country without enough money.

well atleast i'm in. u shud google the hotel derek. its an AWESOME place ! and for the first time in 3 hotels i have free internet. YAHOO !!
more posts WILL follow.

coz i got no phone. and nothing else to do ;P

Friday, October 19, 2007

giRLs iN lOvE

R's brain has turned into complete mulch.

apparently she is now crying over her fiance's absence.

gawd wat happens to women when they fall in love ??? do they all turn into direct train wrecks?? why ???
she's just knows him from the last 2 weeks and now??? she's weeping buckets at his leaving..

and she baked a cake for him !!! and sent it in the courier !! too much !!! i know that stingy, miserly female would never have done it for anyone else...
in her place i might not have done it either... baking is a lil too much huh ...

and i can't believe this was the same girl who scorned the rest of our roomies for being too mush !! she kept saying how she could never understand it. and blah blah..
hmmm i think when the serious types fall in love, their brains turn into complete sod !!! i can't imagine. was i like this too ?????
sadly i think yes. lol

oh well atleast someone is eating some cake...

aNoTHeR wEeKeND oF fUn

am off on another jaunt. this one is infinitely more painful than the one i had last week.

its crazy. i have to be in school at 5:30 tomoro. i can't even imagine at what time i have to get up so that i get here at that time.

groan... why am i always getting into such scrapes.

don't worry you'll get a LOT of stories... this time i'll be stuck in 4 airports over the weekend AND with no one to call and annoy...
u can imagine i'll be doing some serious random typing :P

pArTY TimE

there's always something going on isn't there?

ok ppl its time to break out the champagne bottle.

Mr Sept is getting married !! to a very nice mysore girl it seems ..
aaaha !!! seems like Mr S has not lost anytime at all !!

apart from the broken heart from his rejection.... (sorry can't say that without grinning :D ) lets all stand up and congratulate the chappie. Angel guy as we call him affectionately is about to get hitched. surely he deserves a pat on the back ??

now coming to the point as to how i came to know this, ever since Mr S rejected me, apparently its 'hot' news in m'lore. ESP his reasons for doing it. why people are SO jobless in m'lore is beyond me. bank managers no less !
isn't it funny ? you walk into a bank to withdraw some money for your monthly telephone bill and your friendly neighbourhood bank manager says - "have you heard? the guy who rejected your daughter is getting married to XYZ"
ROFL man nothing can be funnier !!
apparently everyone thinks its their duty to inform me of his life events.

i DO NOT understand why they think i wud be interested. but heck now that i know....
mebe i shud do the jiggle dance ??? some ppl are just plain wierd. keep giving us wierd pieces of info we wud never need. god bless them ! how wud we ever be entertained otherwise???

ok ok comin back to the gala wedding.
this is nice. another sap bites the dust. albeit the first time i've been so super informed about the guys life. bit like a brittney spears syndrome eh? in ur face info, even if ur not looking for it !

on the home front , everytime i call my mom? (bless her soul, i know i always say that before i rip her case right off the shelf, u'll just have to bear with it. pretend your talking to a dyslexic person. no offense to dyslexic people..) she gets almost hysterical in making sure i don't talk to Mr S anymore.

ok OK i am not gonna talk to him. get a grip woman. jeez. after all now he's gonna be a married man .. the last thing i want is an accusation from his fiancee that i'm upto something.
like THAT has not happened before.....
NOT the me being upto something people !! me being ACCUSED ! jeeeez man. knock it off
:) its only funny on this side of the atlantic...

but in the midst of all the professed shyness of angel guy and the champagne you all are busy drinking, we have to admit, Mr S turned out to be pretty slick.. and pretty sneaky huh.
no hints at all.
and all those declarations of how we were still friends ??? tsk tsk..
sneaky sneaky...

hey but anyways. congratulations Mr Sept. u cudn't have done better
let me nurse the broken shards of my non-existent heart with a vodka ...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

nOt noW

go away. its that time of the semester.

mid term.

go away. :(

oh but mebe u shud come again some other day.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

fAlLiNG iNtO iT

I'm in love.

its wierd. ofcourse it is. after all these years. cupid has struck.

its a different matter that i feel like shooting a lightning bolt at cupid. i don't need love to complicate my life. its jinxed as it is ! i wasn't looking for this. u know that.
u've read all the rants and the raves i've been on against emotional mush ?
and yet when it strikes.... it defies all logic.

i think of it everyday. every minute. its constantly on my mind. it? i mean the object of my affection. i know its hopeless and yet hope lingers on refusing to die.
every phone ring, my heart skips a beat... every time i refresh my inbox, i'm waiting... i can't focus. i can't concentrate ( not that i cud conc much before.. but we'll overlook that) i wasn't like this. how did it happen. i thought i was immune....

OK OK. i can't do this anymore !! bleaaaaaeeeech.
if u believed a word of that , then ofcourse ur a nincompoop.
i'm not in love u idiot. ugh.
all that mush. i have this saccharine taste in my mouth and a sudden urge to wash it away with some checmical hazardous acid. that shud take the taste right out of my mouth. infact that shud take away my mouth.
though i have to say , its an interesting topic to observe. sappy people who say theyr in love... and the way they behave.
I SAY we shud put them in lil cages and observe what they do :P

OK OK am kiddin ... am kiddin...
i have just too many ppl around me ( they may not be able to take me on singlehandedly , but together they cud squash me to a pulp , and not considering there are 2 in the place of one now.. ) who cud threaten bodily harm for me, to actually expand on my theories...
but seriously? did u believe that ??? have you learnt nothing in the last one year???

~Q of D

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

dE PreZ iS iN dE bUiLdiNG

it was awesome. amazing and fantastic at the same time.

ok so anyone could call me a cynic and they would be right. i am one. a terrible terrible cynic. i refuse to go gah gah and i won't be impressed easily. but TODAY !!

u'll never guess what happened !!

its 2:30 and the prez ( i'll still call him the prez even if he no longer is .. )
walks into my lab for a demo !!! well not mine ofcourse, but of the ppl who work in our lab !
he wants to see what we do !!
i have to admit. biometrics is a COOOOL field. iris recognition, face recognition and deal with these long enough , and guess what?? some of the mission impossible kind of things are gonna rub on us !!!

it was so cool. and i just hung back and gawked at him. there was a whole entourage with him. and it was nice to see so many indians.
he asked a couple of questions. and once he was done, on his way out he caught me gawking at him and smiled ...
all i could do was grin back at him.

so he asks .. "what are you doing here?"
"and have you selected your thesis yet?"
"gulp .. doing research under Prof M"

he seemed pleased. well i know he's not pleased that i've found my non existant thesis topic. but then mebe he was pleased to see the number of indian students.
how far we have travelled. the money we're pouring into these places. money we know we're investing. sure of recovering it.
how does it feel to be the father of a country and see your children doing well ?

to know your people are slowly waking up to the right potential of what they can truly achieve.
so not all of us are bill gates or not all of will start a google/yahoo/ oracle whatever.. but then enough of us do. and the rest of us aint doing so bad after all.
its the huge middle level thats gonna fix all the problems aint it?

and i wanted to tell him so much. i wanted to tell him , that none of us out here had forgotten home. that we all wanted to go back. for a definite reason. that we wouldn't forget the motherland. and somehow , some of us would find a way to give back. i wanted to tell so much.

ofcourse he had to leave in a hurry. but i have to admit.
today .....
even my cynicism had to shut up.

i was just in awe.
i had met the president of india !!
in my research lab !! now THAT has to be an experience for the memory book!!!

tO DieT oR diE eAtiNG ?

what is it with people nowadays?? or am i hopelessly outnumbered on this one.
so many females who were kind of normal before,
have gone completely whacko.

theyr on this dieting spree. now don't get me all wrong and get tied up in a knot. what i mean is, well theyr dieting for the WRONG reasons. perfectly healthy females who are starving themselves so that they can get married.
listening to the blessed mater, apparently its a normal thing.

girls 'shud' do that.

and guys fall for the whole 'song and dance' routine.

poor saps.

coz most of them don't know the first thing that goes through a gals head once he's hooked. ( as in engaged/ amrried whatever )
"gr8 ! now i can eat"
and they don't stop. ever.

which is like so wierd. coz if ur a guy and u think this girl is reasonably skinny and u marry her. 6 months down the line, ur wondering where she went.
probabaly inside this other person waddling next to u.
coz the female doesnt stop at what she was before...

she just goes on and on with a vengeance... probably to make up for all those days she starved.

luckily for all you guys, these kind of girls are getting scarce. nowadays they atleast try to starve themselves for a while after the wedding also. mebe they 'SAY' health. but deep down u know why they'r doin it.

but the whole thing is so fucked up.
ok ok i agree we snack on too much junk and our health would be a lot better if we actually did something bout it. ok ok i agree its me and not you. but i'd rather be healthy for ME. and any 'person' around me who makes THAT a condition for .... anything. deserves to have their 'b***s' cut off.

people. get a life.
ofcourse now the seriously obese? i don't know what they'r thinking either. but i'm not talking about them. and they are a whole different story. i'm talking of the kind of normal females .... who go anorexic 6 months before the wedding??? just so they can find the perfect guy. well , the one's who start a sudden spate of skin care involving gram flour, cucumbers, mud(??!!)...
people tell me i live in never never land. if i don't do something soon, i'll turn into a pathetic spinster, and die alone.
boooyah !

the logic is so convoluted. getting anorexia just so some ass can agree to marry you is probably the worst piece of advice you can give a young female.
but mebe thats only me and i'm missing something here.

i just can't see it. u know its like looking at those wierd stereo images that are supposed to show us something. i just can't see it. no matter how long i stare at the picture.
why ?

hOuSTon CaLliNG

U know what's funny?

Uh oh

u know the story is gonna be wild everytime i start this way right? Ok so i'm at the Houston airport. The flight is delayed. The airport is like a fish market. People sitting on the ground. People sleeping on their bags. Ok not people. Its me. I admit it. Its ME. I'M Sleeping on my bag.
Ok ok I’m sitting straight now. Jeez.

So now I’m sitting here on this crummy seat. With my feet propped up on my suitcase. Typing away. Looking around me at all these weird people. Now u can’t argue much with that ok? All these people are weird !
Most don’t know what to do with the extra time they have, so they end up eating. And its not good food either. It’s junk food. Hmm that makes me want some fries. Mebe I should get some...

ok ok i won't get it. jeez man gimme a break.
houston was nice. interesting place. went for a company dinner that sucked BIG TIME!
the place was nice i guess.

oh who am i kidding??? it was this fish place. the whole place smelt like a fish place. there was squid and tuna on the table. somehow the waiters thought it wud be REAL cool to place 3 dishes of tuna around me.. the only vegetarian in the group. and somehow the people AROUND me , decided against any of it.. so the net result was the rest of the tables had their stinkin fish cleaned up early and plates taken away, while i had to stare morosely at the pink-white thing while i was TRYING to have my asparagus salad.

yup that was the only thing on the menu. asparagus salad. let me tell u. that i'm a big fan of salad. infact i like it better than normal food most times.
but this was just a bunch of random leaves. couple of tomato slices and 2 huge.... HUGE... onion rings.
blech !

u can imagine i was waiting for the dessert after i had the tomato pieces.
and then what ??

well they get desserts for the table !
everyone shares in the desert !!!


after what people have been eating all night ?? i'm not gonna share my dessert with anyone.
ugh ! double ugh !

so thats what i did. cut my fudge brownie and i had it. on a small plate.
etiquette be damned !

now i have a question on that. can they refuse to give u a job just coz u have this really hard to eat brownie and you use a knife and fork to eat it like a steak ?
i mean come on man.
it was some real COOL dessert.

and i wasn't gonna pass up the chance for it.

but then ... sigh oh well guess it was worth it.

other than that. houston was ok. guess the summers are really bad but then ppl survive don't they ? and then 3 years in that company, you get to travel all over the world ! and they don't just say it. i actually met ppl who had been travelling all over the planet. bout every couple of years.

awesome huh ?
i think i'd seriously consider if i got a chance from this place.

i think i wud.

but then whhat wud i tell M??? hmmm guess prof will just have to wait. gotta meet him tomoro. no idea why he's called a meeting... am so screwed in my course work this sem!! groan don't even wanna think about it. but enough of that.

toodles !

Sunday, October 14, 2007

aNd iN tHE miDdLe oF tHiS

and in the middle of all my craziness of school and job hunting and my mom i have some people who just refuse to sit quietly.

now what is it with some people who have to spread nasty stories about us at home.
hey ! call me crazy, call me insane, call me a feminist chick who shouldn't be touched by a ten foot pole. i DON'T mind.
infact i'll even take it as a compliment.

heck u can even call me fat to my face. i won't punch you. I promise.

but don't do what some morons did. thats just not plain nice. and like i tell N , you should ALWAYS play nice.
dude, you don't wanna play mind games with females. and this could be a warning to all guys out there.

never ever try to play mind games with crazy chicks. its proven that the average female is far far devious than you can EVER ...... EVEr imagine. just don't cross her.

u know those wierdos who talk to you all nice and cute and then go around telling whacko stories to people. its even ok if u tell people who i don't know and who'll never see/ hear of me again. but in m'lore???

that city is like THE city of gossip. things come back a full circle and people people people... u have no idea how much trouble you can get into in f***in m'lore just coz of one stupid story.

walk away before i punch you man. walk away.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

mAiL iN

well am off again on another, jaunt .. this time to houston.
i swear this semester has been as random as ever !

ok so i'm starting a mailing list, and i think that promises to be just as random ...
a whole bunch of ppl kept liking my quotes of the day so much, that i think i'll now send one out everyday.

well if you wanna join. any of the 4 who aren't in it- ( yes !! now the count has gone up to 4 !! ) well drop me a email. if you don't know who i am and want to join , (bless ur soul) drop me a comment and i'll add u..

we'll probably have a CnH or Garfield strip attached to it as soon as i can figure out a painless way of doing it everyday :P

u know the most annoying conversation starter ever ?? the habit of saying "wassup ?"
well NOTHING. i just wish ppl were more inventive.

here's a random quote for today
“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”


have a gud day and i'll prob mail in from houston. be sure that after i bomb my interview , i WILL be writing something just to relieve my stress....

Friday, October 12, 2007

uH oH, nOt aGaiN

I thought i had brains.

apparently NOT.

instead i have discovered i have MULCH in my skull.

what did i do KNOW??? groan u don't wanna know..
actually its so funny its pathetic... or the other way around...

i sent an entire bunch of Mr S emails to a lot of ppl. wtf ??? will you stop laughing???? its NOT FUNNY !! actually it is.. this proves how screwed up my head is right now. i blame the lack of sleep and the weather. can i get by ONE day without blaming my troubles on someone else?? apparently NOT.
now leave me alone while i crawl under a rock and give a call to my brain which is apparently on vacation. somewhere.

guess i owe Mr S and apology. sorry S.

why do i do these things. can't i just have ONE normal day??? instead of one crisis after another??? groan... i need some chocolate.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

bUT sTilL ...

Well considering that I don't use my brain for most of the things I do ...
then it makes sense that I'm writing, doesnt it ??

ok u have to read the Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy.. i have isolated this strange depression that has descended on me as the onset of withdrawal symptoms from NOT reading a book from a really really long time. phew ! long sentence ..
One can ofcourse sense the madness setting in.

now lets think bout why the hitchhikers guide is the greatest book ever...
especially the eternally depressed android.

think that is.

ok am done. lets move on.

R is comin to town. R has grown incredibly mushy after the engagement.. but then, one is allowed to grow incredibly mushy during the first couple of weeks on one's engagement.. so i guess one must make allowances for R. also R is getting cake !! and that goes a long way in tolerating all kinds of mushiness.

i am hearing strange noises from my housemates room next to mine. i am NOT a fan of thin cardboard walls i have to say. no no u pervert ! not those kind of noises..
i don't know.. what the heck were YOU thinking???
but i think she's crying.. or is that maniacal laughter. with some females its impossible to tell.

i wonder how guys live years and years with some of the females i see around me.
( now i KNOW no one cud live with me for yrs and yrs.. so i'm included in that list incase u think me too conceited.. )
but think bout it, one female in the lounge today..

"I am sooo proud of myself (why wat did u do ??) .. i actually guessed the area you live in just by hearing your area code.." (wtf??? there are max 3 areas around school.. and this makes u proud of your achievements?? - does that mean i deserve a nobel prize for listening to you yap , without smashing something over your head ???)
this dame really annoys me. she butts into my conversation with someone else without any ..... and then starts blabbering random crap.
some people reaaaaallly annoy me. heck sometimes "I" annoy me.

yeah i get annoyed pretty easily.. i guess...

i find my life infinitely more peaceful without my phone. dang !! i shud have thought of it sooner...

nOtHiN nEW toDaY

there's nothing new to read. brain shut down for annual maintainence.

come back another day.

[eom] over and out.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

sMilE aNd wAvE eVerYoNE

since a lot of people are asking me about Mr Sept. and since we have not officially said our goodbyes to him yet.

i'd like to take this very public forum to help clarify a few things..
Mr sept is long gone. (coz now its october :P ok ok PJ !! am i not allowed even one ??)

we had a few differences.. mostly that of a few 100 pounds .... ( too less too much ?? who can tell ??? :D )

my poor mother in the process has gone mad. (bless her soul but spare me the drama woman) i have told those at home that i have lost my phone and cannot be contacted for the next 2 months.
aaah atlast some peace !!!

so everybody... pls stand up and smile and wave your hands and say goodbye to Mr Sept. our star of the series and the person who spawned off so many of our more beloved posts...

well this shud take care of anymore future 'propsect' don't u think ?
well well.. did someone mention the devil's spawn ??? right ho ! and get back to work u mangy currs...

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

dEciDe nOW

its crazy when we hafta make those choices that could change our life.

u know.. deciding which color shirt to wear. this wudn't ruin ur life.. mebe..
but deciding which job to take, which school to go to, who to marry. these are touch decisions man. and usually if ur like anything like me, you'll hate to make them too.

u never know if ur making the biggest mistake of your life...

u never know if u should be running in the opposite direction...

these are just really really annoying moments.

now ofcourse if you were anything like me ( and thank the gud lord ur not !) u'd just procrastinate till someone makes the decision for you. mebe sleep. mebe have a coffee.
mebe sit by a lake and look at the stars???

ofcourse u don't know what i'm talking about do u ?? only one does...
and mebe its time u (like me) decided a couple of things right now.

like - its high time we had some chocolate mousse.

yummm !!

dOes tHis bLoG mAke mY bUtT loOk fAT?

so studies say having fat friends make us fatter.

too bad , for my friends.. all of them are skinny and guess i'm making them fatter by the minute.
if u want you can read the story

ofcourse this came out a while ago, but i thought of posting this today..
why u ask ???

well don't. u don't wanna know.

on another note, due to a couple of minor disasters in my life , my mother .. blessed woman as she is, now thinks i shud get plastic surgery done. whoa !!
wait there a second. don't u think thats a tad drastic ??

well there's a lot of psychology i can throw at u, and say that its not good, yada yada yada.. but ofcourse who can reason with the original essence of madness.

aah well looks like i'm banned from home forever. okies. i'll just wait for her to pass to the gr8 wide pastures beyond...

plastic surgery ... hmmmm.... i wonder... when we become as desperate as to consider that, then perhaps thats the time to get out the people in white coats. or the bourbon.

Monday, October 8, 2007


have you ever thought of your destiny ?
where we were supposed to end up ? how we would be 10 years down the line ??

yes yes we know that what happens always happens for the best. and yes we all know that we shouldn't speculate too much on the future.

and yet.... don't u sometimes think idly of where life would take you and how petty all the things you were worried about now, would seem so silly to us in the future???
sure we've made mistakes. we act stupidly when we should behave with great dignity.
we fight with people when we should show gr8er understanding.
we waste so much time when we should actually be working, procrastinate and crib when we should be focusing.

ok ok , i know its only me. i really should stop using the "we" word shouldn't i ??
sorry force of habit.

anyways getting back to the topic.
imagine yourself 40 years down the line. imagine where and what u'll be doing. who you'll be doing it with. who'll be around you.
imagine the life you always wanted and ponder over it for a while. is that what you really want ? or something others want for you ?
if you've never thought bout this before. well now is an excellent time to think buddy.

u know only one thing is true in the universe

"this too shall pass ..."

ps: i swear i think i'm getting more and more random everyday.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

sO whErE iS tHE lOve

that question mark.

i never knew.

and this song.

i never knew.

ther's a lot on my mind. though i don't think i'm gonna tell you anything about it. so just enjoy the song.

have a gr8 weekend !

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

hOw tiMe fLiEs


its already october !! where did all the time go ???

wats happening?? someone slow down my life !!

only 3 more months and 2007 is over...

ok panic attack in full swing. help !

dOn'T yOU aLsO hAtE iT

when someone copies ur entire homework and then u realize they got a 100 while you got a 98 ?

tHe aVerAGe LiAr

so i cant lie to save my life. atleast i can't lie consistently.
If half the people i lied to compared the stories i try to tell, then boy am I gonna be in trouble. Thats why its fortunate for me that I don't do much of that. lying i mean.

U shud ask A. a simple thing that has to be done which we don't want to broadcast and it takes a major battle plan and strategy. minutes and minutes of counter planning and synchronizing stories. and in the end what happens??

I go and blab a completely different story to the first person who cross examines me.

aaaaaaak !!!
back to the drawing board ! the entire plan has simply fallen apart !!!
every plan is only as strong as its weakest link and i'm as strong under fire as a wisp of cotton candy...

ofcourse the sad part is that for 'normal' people what we're doing isn't even worth pondering about....

ofcourse my lab partners seem to be extremely proficient in these activities. the excuses they come up with are extremely creative ! whoa i wonder how they do it??

on another note, i never seem to learn from my mistakes. had an interview today and i swear i must be the first person to land at an interview without even a pen and just myself. half way through i realized i had NO grey/black folder, NO copy of my resume and NOthing in my head.
thanx bulletin board for letting me know 5 minutes before my interview ... actually if it wasn't for you , i might have never realized till the end of the interview.
but it was remarkably easy to shake everyone's hand.
aah well. if only one lived and learnt instead of just lived.

Friday, September 28, 2007

nUtHin uP mY sLEevE

something's up.

but i'm not telling you what till i figure it out completely.

and till then .... you'll just have to wait.

ok u get a clue. its not wat your expecting and you'll know what it is in a month.
ha ! thats all your u'll just have to be patient...


awright awright... this is what mood i'm in right now. ok ?

Thursday, September 27, 2007

sLicE oF hEAveN

outside my window...

ok let the crib fest end. life aint that bad after all.
its been raining all day and now that its stopped, you should look outside my window,

no no not yours. look outside mine. the sun will set soon and large masses of clouds move lazily across the skies. The sky is still blue with a hint of gold creeping over the horizon... The Cathedral of learning is right outside my window and its framed by gold on the left and grey bluish clouds on top...

"For so gr8 a treasure , words will never do ...."- some random song

oh well, for all the shit we go through in life, sometimes u have to stop and admit that there are grander things going on. there is beauty in the world , much more of it than we probably deserve ... should i talk bout God? do i even dare enter that right now???
I have a huge bay window which i keep open even though it glares into my eyes. and right now I could spend hours looking at the clouds moving across the expanse.

and then ofcourse the train comes through and shatters my reverie.
aaaah well back to work...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

toO mAnY cOmPLaiNts

so you think i crib too much ?

well u wud too, if you were in my position...

"hi ma, whats it.. i got class now in a while"
"nothing much. how r things."
"things are fine..." {am on my gaurd now.. its 5 in the morning in india and there better be a gud reason for this call}

"how r talks with that guy ??"
"what talks? oh that.. oh we're ahead of schedule...."
"you are" {all excited}
"yeah sure...we might even come up with a new plan to fight global warming BEFORE Nov end." {i say dryly}
"ohhhhh stop acting too smart. am sure ur doing the same with him also.... i was just thinking bout u two...he's sooo cute. i feel like he's my son.
infact i wish he cud be my son in law, but he's too good for you..."
"whoa !! back up a minute.. whats that again ???" {i had tuned out in 2. 67 sec and was rudely woken up..}
"if thats what you think, why the heck did u ask me to talk to him in the first place???"
"becoz i really want him as a son-in-law"

"waaaaaaat???? u must be crazy.. " {i'm temporarily speechless...she's obviously lost it.. poor woman...}
"yeah, see if u can get him to say yes. i think u shud lose bout 20 pounds before you guys meet. try not to eat" { notice its not try not to eat TOO MUCH... its try not to eat}

"WHAT? that has to be the worst advice ever !! wat do u mean try not to eat..." {this is getting so ridiculous its actually funny.. though am THIS close to losing my temper}
" and wat do u mean GET him to say yes???? am i supposed to knock him on the head and hypnotize him or something????"
"I mean, why dont u NOT eat for bout a week or 2. am sure u'll lose those pounds in no time. "
"Ofcourse you are."
"am sure u can convince him... u should flirt a little.... "
"Thats RIDICULOUS.. your TELLIN me to do stuff like that ??? aaaaaaaaaaak !!!! eeeeeew i dont want to talk bout this with YOU !"
"btw you should be careful.. he's a good judge of character..."
{i interrupt ... by now i'm shouting.. which means i'm hopelessly not getting through to her...}
"WHAT the heck is that supposed to mean.. i have a perfectly fine character even if someone wanted to judge it... why the heck are u askin me to be CAREFUL?? infact its gud if ppl judge properly. and besides what about me judging characters.. doesnt that count?????"
" no no do u always have to get so touchy.. i just meant , you shud speak sense....{wat? now i dont speak sense anymore??} , and u should think before you speak..{ and i dont think before i speak anymore??? can this conversation GET any worse???}....
{she drones on and on...}

"ok so let me get this straight. you dont want me to talk what i think. you dont want me to look the way i am... are you sure u dont want to exchange me for someone else, so that u can get him as your son in law???? are u INSANE ??? I got class !!"


aah well , guess this counts as the crazy of the day....

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

mAsSes aND hOrdES

so we had a career fair right?

and these are real bloodbaths. u know that right? u rem the time u went to school...
oh come on u rem.... uve just suppressed the memories coz they were so traumatic

well u remember...
hordes of companies.. even bigger hordes of students and then after that the inevitable cross examination they put u through.. no no not the companies...
its the students..

"so did u get any calls"
"not yet, did you?"
"hmm yeah , bout 6 companies have shortlisted me for interviews.. i'm not sure bout 2 of them .. blah blah" {and all this while you try not to look bored, frustrated or try not to hack them to death with a stapler lying next to you}

"so what about you"
"hmm nope no calls." { ur fast sinking into the pit of gloom}
"oh dont worry, i'm sure you will" {she's really trying to be helpful? or pushing me further in the pit of gloom ?? passive agressive at its best.}

"did you apply to XXX , i did and got a call from them next sat for an interview. why didnt you apply to them??"
awright AWRIGHT already, they didnt want me ok? is that what you wanna hear?
are u TRYING to push me over the edge? coz if you are , ur succeeding very well lady. i ahve to hand it to ya... - all this running through my mind as i give this incredibly dirty look to that female and slowly walk away.

really the school shouldnt have so many staplers lying around...

aND hoW iT stArTs

i get up in the morning and already the thought of the day ahead is beginning to get up on my nerves.

so many things running through my head and the main ditty is how i need some sleep.

i just need some more sleep, and i know half my frustrations will disappear... but i also know that this entire sem will be this way.. i know a couple of things bout myself though..

i'll survive. and when the going gets really tough, i'll promptly fall asleep !!

oh man this sem is gonna kill me !

Saturday, September 22, 2007


I think i just id'd the biggest source of confusion in my life...

yup folks its none other than my MAAATHA.

yup she is the one. everytime i talk to her she gives such conflicting news/advice/suggestions.. no wonder am so lost !

Also i look around at the people around me... well whaddaya know ! theyr ALL confused... ok so granted that most are years younger than me... but still..
i dont think half of you out there know what your supposed to be upto or what you want.

the only difference i think is that i blab about it to everyone while you don't.

Friday, September 21, 2007


I was always curious

what made some people lazier than the rest ? i think i pondered this the most while my beloved maatha was yelling at me for not getting things done on time...
u know the kind who always pay the bills late, with ridiculous fines no less.. the one's who always forget to get things done until the last minute. those who pay a 1000 bucks in fines to the school because they did not pay the exam fees on time...

so while she yells .. i get lost in thought.. thinking how less complicated my life would be if only i would focus and get things done...
huh what did u say ?? oh ur still yelling about that application i forgot to turn in.. ok i'll be back in 15 min...
so where was i? oh yeah.. ther's this article you should read..

The Lure of Laziness

so apparently there are ppl who actually study this !! gosh why am i not doing THAT ????

oh are u still yelling ? my bad .. u can continue . i got some imp daydreaming to get back to ...


Once upon a time, I had an interview... and i was asked, what would you do if you were in a team and no one worked. what would you do, if you had to do all the work?
would you let ppl walk all over you ?

would you complain ? would you tell on your teammates ?

i think i blabbed something incredibly stupid of doing all the work ( trust me thats one job i didnt get ! and for good reason too ..). years and years later .. (actually only three) i'm still living those words. i always seem to end up in these projects where i seem to be the only one sitting in the lab early saturday morning and trying to figure out why the heck my processor insists on giving me such a hard time.

but inspite of all my bitchin i guess the only reason i still do it is that i have just too much fun. and i realized something else. my ability to work with stupid ppl has really gone down. i mean we had morons in the office before and i was pretty tolerant of it, else i'd atleast try to get things done...
but now? its like me doing the 3 partner course on my own.. and i rather prefer it that way !! i just find it way easier..

now imagine if i DID do my phd. i think i'd become down right unemployable !!!
never work with anyone at all !

Monday, September 17, 2007

rEpoRTs oF aNoTHeR kiND

4:20 - phone alarm beeps ...incessantly... loudly.. annoying. throw the phone off the bed. alarm stops beeping.
6:30 - get up with a start. rem reason for 4:20 alarm. assignment due in 4 hours. not yet started. start reading and scribbling.
8:30 - get up with a start again. realize been drooling over the assignment sheet. fallen asleep over question paper. mentally kick oneself. start writing in full earnest.

10:30 - assignment done. (hurray !) submit. go chat with roomie. look at the sky outside. life is good.
11:30 - reach school. remember second assignment. had forgotten all about it. shit ! project partner missing.panic attack starts. life sucks big time...
12:30 - everyone around has jobs. applying for jobs , very busy. feeling very sleepy again. check emails, hit F5 128th time. no emails. depressed, no jobs. no project partner in sight.
1:30 - friend from india pings. love life problems. help friend out. feel good. check time. class in an hour. worry , not prepped for class. feel terrible.
2:30 - class
3:30 - advisor calls in middle of class from out of town. remember not done any research in last 2 weeks since advisor out of town. start thinking of excuses.
3:45 - wake up. prof still talking. had dozed off in between. crap !

4:00 - wake up from day dream with a start. prof droning on, wait wait wats all that math on the board??? i don't understand anything...why are there so many greek symbols there ??? back up a sec !
4:30 - class ending. start ruminating on pointlessness of existence. purpose of life. future of of all mankind. prof announces project proposal dates. project partner arrives after class is over.
5:30 - lab. not prepped since slept all saturday. what is happening. is there any meaning to my life? why am i here? who am i ???

7:00 - everyone talks of job interviews , applying to companies. everyone's doing homework. feel more depressed. go to research lab. wait for professor. call him back. says talk tomorrow. full scale panic attack....update blog as too tensed to work...
waste time in school till 4:00 in the morning , in full panic mode now. go home and crash.

rinse and repeat ....

Saturday, September 15, 2007

nEw fiNdiNGs

i found a new love.
a new group - enya..

the voice haunts me and follows me where i go.

i hope u like it as much as i do.
am not much for mushy doings... so thats all i'll say.

have a gr8 day ahead !

loOkiN bACk

u know whats the best part of writing a blog right??

no no its not the millions of adoring fans u secretly hope to win {shhhh ur not supposed to let that out} or its not the book deal ur hoping to get which will make u as rich as **** oh well ass rich as anyone u can think of.
no those are the reasons u love your own blog. narcissism might be one. but not the prev listed one's.

well on a serious note, its actually when u go back and read it yrs later. when u see how stupid u once were and cringe. THOSE are the golden moments :D
its like a mental history map. come on.

doont u think your memories of yourself are biased? that u remember only the good times? that you tend to gloss over all your own stupidities ???
oh come on , u know it and if u want proof why dont u go back and read something that you wrote like 5 yrs ago ?? if u can find it that is.

yeah u'll see such a marked difference.
was reading my older blog {yes the one which is blocked from teh public due to public safety concerns..} and made me think of those times. when i was such an ass !

ofcourse not saying am not one now. in all probability i cud be a even bigger one !!
but well, some things sure have changed....

except for one thing. even a couple of yrs ago i was railing against the whole marriage thing. just made it painfully obvious how long i've been fighting this thing.
someone has to pay for all the trouble ive gone through.. wait i need to call my mother.....

Friday, September 14, 2007

wHeRE's tHE fuN

I just stumbled upon an old old post on my prev blog which is barred to the general public...due to public safety concerns :-/

but i think this is harmless enuf. i'm not half as bad a poet as i think i am...

where's the fun if u don't smile ?
if u don't wink and shake a leg ?
where's the fun if you hear no song ?
if you don't love and twirl around ?

if you don't hop and skip and run,
laugh and shout, giggle and have fun
what's left in life except dreary days
if you don't find ways
then where's the fun ?

would you rather , moan and cry ?
spend your days in despair and so dry
isn't it better to be in love ?
than sulk that he isn't the perfect one ?

grow up honey
there's no such thing
as a perfect world and
a perfect life

wake up and do
what you've never done
go out and smile at a passerby
make your life brighter
spend your days well
else where's the fun ?

- sheeths

;P my attempt at some whacko philosophy. i know i know it can be improved...
but then u gotta rem this was written in 5 min flat.

*** if the question is not understood ... then what of the consequesnce ? -- M B ***

Thursday, September 13, 2007

wRitTen sTyLE

i used to have a real fancy for graphology and sometimes old habits die hard..
after yrs of reading up on handwriting analysis, you never stop noticing a piece of paper with things written on it. I may not remember much, but then the brain instantly kicks into search and decipher mode...
after months of iris recognition , now everytime i meet someone , i look at their eyes. trying to estimate if their iris would make a gud test subject, if i can extract enough features from that iris ( though it has made more than one person uncomfortable.. i can imagine ... having someone like me peering intently at your eyes as soon as we meet CANNOT be a pleasant experience )
everytime i get a clear view of a palm , i have an urge to read the lines, everytime i see a snippet of a horoscope no matter how ridiculous i have the urge to go read all the planetry alignments and try to remember...

looking back i can see ive dabbled in some pretty wierd fields huh ?
for an engineer i mean.

u wud think that being in such a geeky place. surrounded by such nerds, i'd have turned into one of them..

no such luck !

the geekier my peers, the more eccentric i've become. almost like a desperate attempt to make sure i dont turn into a pure technocrat.

note : to all those geeks out there , reading this ( and i know all 4 of you'll well ... :P) - no offense.
but i dont mind all that time i spent in these areas... even if it came at a cost. sure i'm not exactly clear if my processor is a big or little endian machine.. but
then, atleast most ppl who meet me think i'm insane. (yes i consider that a plus. no i wont tell you why)

btw graphology IS a VERY interesting science and can be so much fun when it becomes intuitive :)


pEopLE iN bUseS

on a totally different note -

u know who i find wierd ?? ok ok not myself. i meant OTHER people.. can we focus here for a sec please ... {rollin my eyes}
anyhooo i was talkin but was - { ok ok enuf already .. u know that joke has grown rather stale..} was bout those females you find in the buses who don't know how to stand in a bus. u know those esteemable(did i just invent a word here or does the dictionary not recognize this word ?) category who supposedly stand in the bus, but sway dangerously all over the place at the slightest movement.

come on. how fast could it be going??? max 20 miles an hour. in this country ?? max.
so why do u have to be a public hazard to the rest of us who DO know how to brace ourselves against momentum ?
its not rocket science, just a little fancy knee bending at the right time and voila ! your steady and not potentially sitting on some dude's lap.

i think these are the same girls who hold on to the railing to show of their watches ... i mean what else could it be ??? its not your lovers hand for chrissake... its a RAILING. hold on to it if u cant get the footwork right...

but noooo i have to dodge ur infernal swaying so that i dont get hit in the eye by a 2 ton bag which is bigger than even me. and am sure the dude would mind u sitting on his lap either , except that that bag of yours would permanently damage the family jewels.

hOw LoNG iTS bEen

the song that goes with the lyrics of the prev post

yest when i sat in class, the one with the prof whose voice sends me to sleep ..
I had an epiphany (hey i spelled it right !)

just struck me, how far i was from home sitting in a class with one of the best profs in the field and with the gall to sleep. now i cud get all mushy and philosophical and ruminate on how i never thought i'd ever be where i was.
i cud
i cud also gag

neither are pleasant so lets skip it.

but I cant resist. so ppl susceptible to gagging dont read on ...
:) and dont say i didnt give ya fair warning either ..

just think bout it.
stop for a minute and look around. haven't u come a long way from the kid you were?
from the kid that played without a care in the world, from the times which i wudnt say were simpler, but were so different ?
where we wouldn't think ahead beyond a few days, which grew to a few months, and then we started thinking a few yrs ahead..

stop and think. bout the journey. after all thats what's gonna add up to ur life in the end.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

sOng anD A LaRK

ok this time its a poem instead of a song

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utĂșlie (darknesss has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darknesss has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utĂșlie (darknesss has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darknesss has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

- Composed and performed by Enya
Lyrics by Roma Ryan

some of the most beautiful music ive heard recently. yup its from LOTR...
one of the best books i read... after listening to this , one could almost believe .....

perhaps its all worth it in the end.

i'll dedicate it to all the people i knew who had to pass away from this world before me. mebe i'll meet you again some day.

toO LaTE

ok so its only been 3 weeks in school. u ask how bad can it be ??
u are SOOOOOO ignorent, and I can't spell for nuts.
deal with it.

like i said, i go home bout 4 everyday. but yest i went home early.. no no not becoz i had finished my work in school, it was coz both my roomies had their b'day yest and they were trying to scream at me to get my ass home so that they cud cut their cake.
seeing that its only 4 of us, even one person missing makes it a rather sad party.
but trying is the right word .... coz everytime she tried to threaten me to try and get me home, all i kept parroting was "i got lab. let me go."

but anyways since i'm so nice (yeah right), I did go home early (the real reason was that she let slip there was cake at home).. well fairly early. it was only 1.
but thats the time disaster strikes.

wat happens??
well my prof calls and asks me for some ppt slides on my research. ofcourse the fact that its middle of the night has no bearing on anything.
so i have 10 hours to get something out.
plenty of time for anyone. ofcourse.
except that i got 2 homeworks (the word still makes me cringe btw) due and havent had a total of 5 hours sleep in the last 48+ hours...
welcome to grad school.

ofcourse u know what happens next.
no no , i don't stay up all night to finish everything.

i eat cake. i decide to shut my eyes for an hour and the next thing i know its 9 in the morning and daylight streaming through the windows.

^%$%# &^*(*&^
welcome to grad school.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


the videos of me in an elevator, would probably win some kind of comedy award.

i usually get home by 4 in the morning and by that time all i can think of is my bed...
so when i get into the elevator and then am impatiently tapping my foot ad cursing the ancient contraption.... thats when i realized that its been too long in the elevator..

hmmph something is not right.

oh yeah..... i've forgotten to push the button!

so there i've been, stationary, the last 10 minutes dreaming of my bed on the 9th floor, while the bucket of bolts was calmly waiting for me to come to my senses and push the button.
oh but what makes it truly ignoble is that this happens atleast twice a week.

Monday, September 10, 2007

whY sHoULd wE gO bACk?

would you consider it incredibly pathetic that a grown woman had to sit back in school and do HomeWork ?? at 2 in the morning???

yup, early morning, perfect for philosophy. perfect to ruminate, on your direction in life and chew a pencil trying to think what how many cycles my processor takes for read write operations.
any thoughts?


probably not.

lets get on.

i read an interesting article recently. apparently what i thought was a local debate which i had with my friends, is not. that.
Apparently its something lot of people ask, and considering the sudden surge of traffic suddenly directed my way, i almost feel like tucking in my shirt and straightening my hair... almost.

honestly didnt expect that and now i just wish i hadnt left a loose link at that post, but if u want to read it , here it is
Staying Back in the US

it makes a gud case. though flawed ( I believe)
For a guy he's almost convincing that he knows a lot about females.
the operative word being almost.

and i also notice that the majority of people who find his article very thorough and logical are the males. all very gud.
but what IS the truth out there ??
while ofcourse its impossible to speak for a large number of females, we have never met ( neither you nor I ) and also largely to the reason that beyond this moment , I probably dont care much bout what you or anyone thinks they know enuf bout Indian females and the way they operate...
I forgot my point.

on another note, the only female actually ONLY ONE person i know hates the motherland enuf to want to run away from it. the rest? well the rest have a common consensus that the rest of the world is all very good for a gud jolly ride, for a while, for some money, basically for a song and a lark, but home is where they'd settle. god knows what they mean by that. mebe they'd get back after they turned 40. mebe they feel conflicted, mebe they'r just in denial. but ther's no doubt bout one thing.

Not one is completely closed to that idea. every single one agrees there are opportunities, and that life wouldnt be all that bad. if just a tad uncomfortable becoz of the traffic. i think the single most objection to returning was traffic and corruption. Pollution being a close third. not one even cared bout in-laws (with the exception of myself i think.. which should be painfully obvious from the prev posts)
or loss of freedom, or career constraints...

so THATS why i dont agree with half the things said here
Follow up on staying back in the US

oh well thats just my take and i see that i was a colossal ass when i try writing a serious post.
am stuck with a funny bone.. and for now so are u :-/

ps: Now i really have to be careful with my typos .. we don't want the guests to be be disappointed do we?? man ! its almost too much effort and being technically challenged as I am, its impossible for me to remove that link from that post...

Friday, September 7, 2007

gOnNA dO iT

I'm gonna do it.

i dont care what you think. and i dont care how irresponsibly i'm behaving. i have to do it.

i know i know. i shud be staying at home and studying. but when did i ever do that sincerely ??
i know i know i shud be behaving like the perfect indian female.. but when did THAT ever happen?
there will always be school. there will always be studies. but what bout life ?? when do i live??

i'm gonna do it. there's no use u trying to dissuade me from it. so don't even bother trying.

yup i've made up my mind.

i'm going to detroit this weekend. again. even though i just went there last week.
why ? what were u thinking??? yup i agonize so much over a single trip...

why u pervert !

Thursday, September 6, 2007

aN oLD stORy rEToLd

this was an old old mail back in the day when i was working and had too much time on my hands.. kinda like now...

(yawn) am beat

hey vd forget bout the whole bottom thing ...
it was the whole baby's pictures thingy.... let me explain...

sorry N... but u gotta understand...
it all started this way...

my landlady (an old woman of 65..) had a visitor from mars !!
her grandaughter of 3 ... now ,wen the rest of the general population like N, V,A,etc,etc wud say ooooooh loooook how cute at the site of the little darlin....
warning bells were ringin in my head ....coz she was givin me these wierd sidelong glances...(no i AM NOT paranoid ppl)

well ok i thot how much harm can a 3 year old do...i'l just stay out of her way....she was there for 5 days where i managed to avoid her for 4. but one day....

the girl was cryin for bangles,chain, anything etc,etc everyday and that day her grandma i.e my landlady went n got her one ... a BLOODY 8 GRAND GOLD talk bout doting grandma's...
plz hark back to u'r childhood days and tell me if u EVER got gold to stop cryin??

anyone ?? ever??? i remember being spanked when i asked for a new eraser...

nyway the 'cute lil one' is wearin it the whole day and soon as i come from office (at 9:30)...i plonk down on the sofa..and she scrambles on my lap...
dat's not so bad u say..[(snort) wat do u know?] ...well it wudn't be except she started pullin my chain,comparing it with hers for the next 15 min and then she declared mine was better n she wanted it !!!!!
i told her i cudn't remove she started examining my earing from all angles !!!
now i was reaaaly in trouble as even she cud tell that i have easily removable earings...

let me say i have never shown greater self restraint in my life ...coz while i was smiling desperately..all i wanted to do .......was thro the critter off me and run screaming for my life :-/

ok then her mom comes to feed her and stuffs her mouth with rice and now i'm terrified she's gonna drool over me ,so i try to get her to straighten up.
her grandma tells her to get off me n eat in a decent manner like civilized people do and guess wat the "cute" girl does...
she sprays rice all over her grandma's face...

aaaaaaaaaaak !!

the blood drained from my face as i watched in horror, mentally picturing the same fate while her mom laughed..laughed !! (choke)

then she looks at me with a sweet smile (shudder) and digs into her nose.. now guys as she was still sittin on my lap ..i thot (very foolishly i can add) that i shud say i told her that was not a very nice thing to do......(i SWEAR dat's all i told her) (sniff)
and she tries to wipe her hands on my face !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(ugh)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak !!!!

i'm ashamed to admit dat's wen all courage left me and i just got up and RAN... i think i nearly flung her towards a nearby wall.

now i have nightmares......
am too emotional to continue but now u understand don't u....why i detest kids so much....

i have sworn the next time i see a kid maybe i'll pinch it hard wen no one's lookin ...maybe then they'll stay away from me !!!

and 4 all those who didn't care at all either way bout d whole thing
i solemnly hope u never have kids such as these ..ugh..scary thot...i'm never comin to u'r house if u do...

wAit a sEC

most people think i obsess.

let me set the record straight. ur absolutely right. i do obsess. but then couple it with an attention span of a goldfish, and i think the problem takes care of itself.
so the net result is that i obsess in brief bursts of high intensity bout a topic or a person, and then a couple of weeks later, i've completely forgotten about it.

now that you know this piece of fascinating tidbit about me, doesnt that make you feel a whole lot better when i'm busy spamming you with a gazillion emails????
i don't look so much like a deranged stalker , now do i ??
u no longer have to worry bout seeing me outside your window ( creepy even for me!! ugh!!!) and no longer have to remember that call to the lawyer, bout the restraining order.

i notice this in milder doses in other ppl. just that being an intense kind of character, its just magnified in yours truly. now i find this extremely fascinating and if you do not... say no more !! i will continue writing and you can flip the page.. oh ok this isn't a book... but u get the bl***y idea.

so having as i do, a passing interest in myself, (who am i kiddin, i admit it! i'm self obsessed) i tried to plot the distribution span of my interest in the new things i stumble upon. usually follows a bell curve skewed heavily to the left..
so i peak early and then taper of gradually for some time and then its an instant drop to complete and utter boredom.
hmmmm not so much a bell curve is it ? if i was still in the i-love-geometry mode i cud have prob told you more....

now ofcourse this state of affairs is fine by me, but its a lil tricky when u meet new ppl. why ? coz its easy to freak them out by showing too much interest in them and then they start thinking of restraining orders and new locks on their doors.
but by the time they've ordered the locks and opened the box, i'd probably be long gone... peering at the next character i meet and figuring out what makes them tick.

well anyways, to get back to the point, this lil clarification shud set things straight with a whole lot of ppl..
give me a sec while i mail this to all 6 of them..