Friday, October 31, 2008

tHe sUcCesS sTOry


ok ok i'm tooting my own horn here, but then hey !! it WAS my first attempt

heyyy so this was my beetroot halwa.

hey, come on. it doesn't look THAT bad. it was quite popular , ok ??

woo hoo.


gHostS cOMe ouT

hey its halloween !!

wat are u disguised as?

i saw a king, and a goldilocks and karate kid

my disguise was that i was dressed as a human :P

i wasnt that convincing though ... they didnt want candy even when i offered it

cOnfuSEd iN tHe rAin

so today morning.

i was as usual hitching a ride with a friend to office.

so friend 1 would drop me , and i was already runinng late.... and i was walking towards the apartment and i saw friend 2 get out and run to a car [ coz it was like.. raining and stuff ]
and then i thot, cool they'r ready to leave.. and just went and opened the back door of the car to get in.

and it was SOMEONE ELSE !!!!

WTF !!!

man that guy was like sooo confused.
u shud have seen his poor face. he was like.
huh, WHATs happening???

and i was like , shit. this is the second time this week.
atleast i've like met this dude a couple of times.

last time it was some random chinese guy.......

sCarY thOUghTs

i have chocolates on my desk for halloween.

woo hoo

hey, if the kids don't come for it, i can eat it.

thanks A____ [ a diff one ] for the chocolates by the way !!

what's the scary thought ???
its that if too many kids come, and i don't get any.
right now the score is kids 0, me 327


mEeT nEw peOpLE

i've definitely [ see? i CAN spell ] met some wierd people.
some of the wierdest first time meeting ppl things ....

i was waiting for the CMU shuttle. [ oh come on. u know everything about me by now. ]
and then this guy is standing next to me and after a while we just happen to look at each other during one of my random visual sweeps of the area. he smiles. i smile. [ ya i wud smile at any person i meet. i'm very polite that way. THIS teaches me a lesson ] and then he walks over. i'm still not thinking anything.
"how many years did u work before you joined cmu??"
[ wat? wth, do i look old to u or something u idiot. wat kind of opening statement is that?? and who the hell ARE you and why shud i tell u?? ]
since i am basically not paranoid and infinitely trust the universe [ ha! ya right ] i just told him. man i so didnt want to make a fuss. and then he proceeded to grill me on my yrs of experience working, and which company and then where i worked, etc etc
and then
" by the way I'm A____"
" i'm S_____" and i give a kind of frosty smile [ i'm not sure what that means, but if its what i think it means then that adjective is fine... ] coz by now i'm just annoyed with this ass [ oops hopes he doesnt read my blog ].

and then ofcourse the shuttle comes and we get in and one of his friend is already in. [ actually i shudn't say friend. THAT guy might sue me, coz he gave a very frosty greeting to A___ too ] and A___ turns around and introduces me.
" this is S______ and she worked in IBM for 2 yrs in bangalore before she joined cmu."
[ i'm like wat? thats my new intro now?? ]
the two sane ppl looked warily at each other hoping that the only stupid person was A_____ and then shook hands.

i had to grimace. i mean gud lord. wat if thats my new name??
"S___ who worked in IBM for 2 yrs before she joined cmu" kind of a long name dont ya think???

oh std disclaimer. the opinion of the author is not accurately represented by the author. so if u want to sue anyone for slander... go sue DC.

and oh all right my name is sheethal. there, i'm just tired of all this protecting anonymity and be careful of stalkers crap. who's gonna find me in hillsboro?


sO i wAtcH toO mANy

ok mebe i shud take a break for a while.

u know i was just thinking [ finally!! ] that except for that one anonymous straggler amongst our midst, pretty much everyone else knows me. coz everyone else is like , known to me [ wat? ] sorry i meant everyone else is like my friend. so how unfair is that !

so i... [ no NO don't do it, shout the voices in my head ]
oh ok FINE.

but you know which cartoon character i like best? [ what? when did the quantum leap of topic happen? ] no seriously. one of my most fav char is the femur? lemur? wat is it. the king of those wierd animals in madagascar??
"we got to do it, do it"
rofl :D
"we got to do it, do it"

i mean seriously !! thats funny stuff !!!
"we got to do it, do it"
[ fell on the floor laughing. ok ok i fibbed i was already there when i started rolling. but hey "we got to do it, do it" ]

DC , you soooo seriously remind me of that king. [ i'm sorry i forgot your first name , actually your whole name after knowing you for like 7 years! i'm sorry, i'm sorry DC!! ]


Thursday, October 30, 2008

gOt loSt oN tHE wAy hOmE... aGAin

oh its absolutely fantastic. to meet new people.

its even better if theyr the insane variety too. went to this five guys and burgers place. apparently they'r biggest USP is that they give u free peanuts.
how AWESOME is that???

and then they cook their french fries in peanut oil. how AWESOME is that???

and the whole place was done in red and white and had won soooooo many reviews. how AWESOME is that????

and ..........keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

sorry for the interruption. the author OBVIOUSLY had too much peanut products in dangerous quantities. so we're taking her out. u know the whale hunting kind. out.

so that your entertainment continues uninterrupted we're leaving behind mild-mannered QoD [ ala CnH style, who ttally RULES btw ]. so please continue this amazing reading experience with mild-mannered QoD.


ok so as i was saying, i had a really nice time meeting all these people.
got lost on the way home, coz i had to come home by myself. apparently one month of driving in this area is not enough to give me any sense of direction. so wandered around aimlessly, called up people to find the way. finally found the way. came home. made a sandwhich. was talkking to my friend while making the sandwhich.
finished the call. hung up. opened the microwave door, and put the phone in. closed the door......


WHAT??? i get kidnapped and replaced by a 'MILD-MANNERED' dummy and you don't even realize??? YEAH i had to free myself from these MORONIC captives and thwack her on the head and stow her away in the trunk of my roomies new car... and we have to dispose of the dummy in the dead of the night... [ 1. i have WAY too much time, 2. i have a WAY too wierd imagination, 3. come on, admit it. you have WAY too much fun with me as compared to that mild mannered idiot ]

fReAky fRiDay psYcHoLOgy

ok u HAVE to try this :P

Something really really cool

its abs fantastic. and spin her both ways.. come on.. u can do it.

on a side note. i successfully managed to scare Cacofonix off.
mebe Getafix will be next, but as we all Asterix fans know, he's much much harder
to defeat

oh lighten up CJ i'm just kidding!

wAs iT goOd foR yOU toO?

so i've been dreaming really wierd stuff lately [ freud wud have a field day ]

so i'm back home. and in my grandpas place. and i need to use the.. ahem... ladies room [ my aren't we being jane austenish today ] and then i rem i had to take a torch [ coz it was night ] and walk out of the house. and wear my slippers coz i cud no longer bear the water everywhere thing. and then i had to go to this ramshackle shack.


thats when i woke up.

omg wait i just rem. that still how the bathroom is in my grandpas place. u totally have to get out of the house and walk in the night and pray that u don't step on a frog or something.
oh ya now i rem, on no account do i go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. ok ok 'loo'. [ u just wanted me to say it didnt ya? what are u? ten yrs old? ]

nyways do u know places like that too ?? where u have to take a torch in the night to the loo. and make sure u don't drop the torch down the loo. coz its an indian loo. [ ok can u like stop giggling everytime i say loo... sheesh... ] and then u have to watch out for frogs and lizards and stuff.
and by then ur not sleepy anymore. but if u dont sleep u have to watch this really fat uncle or really ugly aunt snore. [ ugh ]
so u close ur eyes. put the blanket over ur head [ otherwise the lizards might fall on u from the roof of the house ] and make sure that all the edges of the blanket are tucked under ur limbs around u, like a coffin style. [ else insects might get in and crawl on u from the sides... ] and lets not have any thots about the snakes that are potentially on the roof. say a quick prayer to god that no small insect goes into ur nose, ears, mouth and then fall asleep?

what can i say? i had a really fun childhood.

aaaaaaaaaack there's a frog near the water tap. i need to wash my legs after going to the loo. shooo! shooooooo.

aaaaaaaaaaack! its jumped closer!!
run!! ruuuuuuun!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

u gEt aDdicTed toO

here's another song that you can get addicted to and then go crazy trying to get it out of your mind.
its from the same yuvraj movie. manmohini re or some such thing

btw have you ever watched
'The King and I'
'Gone with the Wind'
'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof'
'Inherit the Wind'
'Maltese falcon' - thanx A for making me watch it :P
'Birds' [ hav i got this one right? the alfred hitchcock one ]
'Roman Holiday'
'My fair Lady'
and 'Kill Bill' [ ya that was just to wake u up. u were drooling over the audrey hepburn fantasy :P ]

oh if u haven't watched one of these u totally shud. theyr not the best ive ever watched ... there must have been others .. but i can't remem them right now.
u know movies like panic room. :-|

tHinGS i bELieVe iN

there are a few, actually make that many things i really... Really deeply believe in.

i believe that everyone has a story. a little kid inside them waiting for you to hear them out and if you take the time to really really listen to them, you can make friends with literally anyone. I believe that there is no such thing as a hateful person. i believe there is another side to every fight, every story.

I believe that everyone is beautiful. everyone has got a spark a flame in them. that makes them , 'them'

i believe every child is important. every child is a tiny flame that has to be treasured and cherished by the world and i believe that we shud drown in shame coz we've let so many of the children unprotected and uncared for.

i believe rapists shud be hanged coz there is no cure. infact i believe in the death sentence. i believe poachers shud be shot. and also the people who buy the ... stuff that was poached.

i believe floods, natural disasters, fires, earth quakes is mother earth's way of correcting the imbalance and people totally deserve it. i believe ppl get the governments they deserve.

i believe if God did not exist, then it would have been necessary to invent him.

i believe that music is soul food. i believe in reincarnation. and if u believe in god then u have to believe in the devil. u can't have it both ways.

i believe there are too many people. too few animals. too many cockroaches on the planet.

i believe in love. the everlasting fairy tale, forever and forever and forever and 7 lives together kind.

i believe everyone should be given a choice on how they wish to lead a life. everyone has a right to choose what to do and everyone should be taught responsibility as a kid. this is in ref to abortion and gay rights. and intercaste marriages and stuff.

i believe everyone should adopt atleast ONE kid. [ infact my daily prayers include that all guys shud one day wake up imp... oh, never mind ]

i believe we all forget why we're here. in the middle of our busy lil lives. living in our comfort and our routine and cars and houses and kids and ambition. we all forget the answer and come to think of it we even forget the question.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

oH iTs JuSt anOtHEr soNg

YOU LISTEN TO THIS SONG and tell me you can keep your foot from tapping...

hmmmm [ humming ]

and just for the record its maroon 5 - makes me wonder. [ just in case they remove the video and i'm left wondering wat the heck the blank screen was. ]

gReAt sPeciMEnS

lets see how good we can make this.

ok now.

imagine a dull dark pink. go on see the color in ur head.


ok now imagine shorts of that color. like half pants kind of bermudas kind of thing.
i don't know what guys are calling it nowadays.
but that.. kind of.


ok now imagine big flowers embroidered in gold along the seat of these shorts. and all along the inseam. gold flowers perhaps print perhaps embroidery [ i don't know ].
ok and the flowers on a black background while the rest is still dull maroonish? pinkish?? watever.


ok now imagine black t shirt with stuff written on it and green striped socks and brown floaters.


now picture a really really really old, short, white man wearing it and walking around in your office.


there's a pretty picture.

have a gud day :P





sCaliNg tHe waLL

its so sick to use IE6 after using mozilla and IE7 and google chrome.
WAKE UP U SICK IT DEPT AND CATCH UP WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD. if ie7 is insecure, then SECURE IT :( [ coz i need my tabs .... aaaaaaaaaaaw maaaaaaaaaan ]

apparently chrome bypasses all security thingies in place [ uh oh getting highly technical in here... ] and therefore if u download chrome in your work place, you WILL be ID'd as a security threat and taken out.
thats what the IT god said to me today morning when handing me my computer.

oh btw i got my laptop. woo hoo.

its a t43. yeah. i know. thats why i'm not that excited. i was working on a t43 two yrs ago too. actually towards the end i think i managed to bully someone into giving me a t41.

yahoo toolbars is sick sick sick. yahoo search is sick sick sick.
just plain sad. everytime i switch back to another tab, it has to redraw the damn window.

ok that's it i can't work like this anymore. i need mozilla. i don't care. i'm suffering from tab withdrawal here...

damn it! they've blocked mozilla here. nothing opens up.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaw :'(




btw where the heck is ankur and cacafonix and J and anon2 and....
it only me or are we missing their bright and cheery presence today??

bRigHT aNd eaRLy mORn

showering was a pain, no i mean literally.

what with my right hand covering the cut in my right thumb, my left hand covering the burn on my stomach and my right foot left to fend for itself.
hey! wait a minute. i've been damaged only on my right side. wats up with that???

and all this coz i wanted a hot water shower early in the morning
[ memo to self - water on burnt skin hurts. water on cuts burns ]
after a while i said the rest of the body can go to hell and turned the shower to ice cold.



Monday, October 27, 2008

wHen i coOk fOR yOu

pre diwali pooja night

"hey we're all gonna make something. u shud make it too. it'll be fun to experiment new dishes"
"ummmm i'm not so sure. what can i make. can i make rice kheer?? its the easiest sweet to cook"
"yeah totally. anything is fine. you'll see it'll be fun"
"actually we got some beetroot. can i make beetroot halwa"
"oh that wud be awesome. but u got to do it today itself. it takes a while to make you know."
"oh all right. i'll do it today."

ok now lets see... take a beetroot. open drawer, remove grater. damn this thing has turned my hands pink. hmmmm lets see peel the beetroot. peel. peel.
oops almost nicked my hand there. lucky save. phew.
ok now got to shred the beetroot. grate. grate. gotta be careful with this thing. always takes a slice of my finger. grate. grate.. hmmm [ humming ]
ok last piece now. be alert now.

damn! i nicked my finger again.
owww owww owww
go under the tap now. owwww hot water. turn it to cold. turn it to cold.
hmmm inspect finger. decide pain in finger not so bad compared to the burn on the stomach and the wound on foot. next lets see the recipe again.

get the milk out. oops only have non fat milk.
well this is gonna be healthy beetroot halwa. pour ghee. add beetroot and milk.
lets see the recipe. it said 10 minutes halwa. so shud be done in another 8.45 minutes.
oops gotta add sugar. ONE CUP ????? ARE THEY CRAZY??? thats way too much. half is enough.

half hour later.
still stirring. [ enthusiasm is like 50% of initial levels. just read the rest of the recipe and realized I have no saffron, cashews or raisins ]
hmm hope the taste is alright. took a taste.

damn damn damn!!!!!!!
ur not supposed to take the taste if ur cooking for a pooja. ok don't panic. nobody knows and it will remain that way if noooooo one here, tells them.
[ none of them read the blog so we're cool. praying god is cool with it too ]
[ ok console myself with story of lord Rama and that old lady and berries story. { i do this EVERYSINGLE time. boy i sure hope god's not keeping tabs or anything } ]

ok stir. [ some energy back now fueled by guilt ]
keep stirring.
oh damn. HOW did my WHITE shirt get PINK DOTS on them????
aaaaaaaaaaaw maaaaaaaaaaaan.
go back to stirring. sigh.
half hour later. drooping over the stove and still stirring.
add some more sugar. wash hands. oow oowww owww hot water on nicked finger. turn it cold. turn it cold.
[ &^!@#$ stupid online 10 minute recipe. beeeeeeeeep beeeeeep author of said recipe. pox on all inaccurate recipes .... ]

ok put music.
dance a bit. be happy be happy. taste also depends on mood.

i wonder how it'll turn out. it looks a bright pink... [ its beetroot you moron. its supposed to look pink! ]

oh BTW at this point i'd like to lodge an official protest against this whole not supposed to taste before offering to god thing. i mean how can you offer something terrible to HIM??? could u like.. ummm... direct me to the right department pls??

oFf tO thE beAcH

this place was AWESOME !!

i was here... i had started this at one time... a picture blog. lets see if i can stick it out this time :P

oh by the way. trust me, this place looks even MORE awesome in real life !! and if u look very closely, you can see the layer of mist :P

LeT mE iNtrOduCE yOu

once me and my friend who-is-now-no-longer-my-friend , once we discussed the different degrees of awareness

what you think you are
what others think you are
what you think that others think you are
what others think that you think you are
what you think that others think that you think you are
and what others think that you think that others think you are

ya the last 2 took us both a while to sort out in our head. forget it, it might give you a headache. this was during my crazy days :P [ like i'm sane now! ]

ever think. how you'd like to be described by others.
like if u had to be described by your friend to another unkown person of what you were. [ and u know this happens often ] what would you like them to say??
would what u want match with what they would actually say??

would they say. he/she's a really really nice person. a sweetheart. a heart of gold. and etc etc
or wud they just shrug and smile and say no comments [ oh come on. no one actually bad mouths anyone to a third party. that just makes them look bad too...ppl generallly take a very passive agressive approach ]

FaLl fOr yoU

its friggin beautiful outside.

i remember raphsodizing about the sky of colorado. let me tell you. portland isn't that bad... [ ok anon now you know where to find me. bring it on. i'll be waiting with my machette ]

actually getting back to the topic.
the sky is fantastic. yesterday there was this wierd cloud formation. like small clouds all over the sky. and it was partially orange and partially grey. coz it was evening. and then we were on this stretch of road that had no buildings next to it. just empty fields. [ rem the airfield i talked about ] and then all the fall trees.

man the fall trees.

fields and fields of green and yellow.

pure eye candy! :P

dRaFteD aLreADy

i am now gonna embark on a favourite hobby of mine. confusing everyone including myself.

i've decided not to post in a linear and orderly fashion. just realized that if u make drafts, and then post them on a later date. they get posted with the original draft date.

woo hoo. i have many many drafts. not one of them makes any sense coz they'r all incomplete. but then who cares?

now i'll surely reach 155 ! :P

i nEedS aiD

damn all bandages with low adhesive surfaces to hell and a pox on the people who make them.

don't laugh. its the fourth one on my foot right now.
the first one didnt even last a second.


3 hours and 6 bandages later...

Aaaaha !! i found a solution. i first stuck the bandage onto my foot and then i cellotaped it. take that bandage!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

oUr pLanEt eArTH

my friends got this planet earth series. it AWESOME!! highly recommend it. and no no
its not like the secret video, this is really REALLY gud.

but a word of caution. u need to have nerves of steel.

OK OK i admit it. i can't handle the realities of life. i cudnt complete the first video. when the antelope calf died i was sad. when the shark caught the seal, i was sadder. but when the young elephant got seperated from the herd and then followed its mothers tracks, but in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION, back into the dessert. ok that was it.
i was outa there.

man. i admit it , i'm a complete wuss. i can't watch a wandering lost elephant without sniffling and crying. so i didnt complete the video. no i started watching kung fu panda instead. yes, the cartoon.

hey but i saw the elephant herd finally reach water and then playing in the water.... [ woo hoo way to go elephant herd ^_^ ]

rAnDOm qUOteS

“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?”
Friedrich Nietzsche quotes

btw this song grows on you. not one of them u love as soon as u hear it the first time.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

rEmEmBeriNg yOur nAMe

i have a fanTASTIC way of remembering names and the assoc faces. after yeaaaars of forgetting and being embarrassed i have finally, FINALLY found a zen method and can now rem the random ppl who land up in my phone book.

i just put some tag along with the name.

like or remya.roomie.pitts
now i CAN't NOT remember. i can totally rem how i know the person just by seeing the name.

ofcourse with such a foolproof system, i STILL managed to stump myself when i saw this entry.

[ huhhhh???? POLICE???? who the heck is this ???? ]
i dont know any police ppl in pitts!

sOme sKilLs pEopLe haVE

ever notice how some people are naturals?

u know? at anything they do.. like

gift wrapping, hammering nails in, or driving, or eating mangoes without a knife, cutting cloth evenly, first aid, watering plants [ hey watering plants is complicated stuff ] .... etc etc

wat do u think wud happen if i tried any of this???

gift wrapping - i'd have cello tape stuck all over me and half the roll wud be wasted coz i'd have stuck it to itself, u know... like it wud fold over.
hammering nails in the wall - MOST definitely [ aaha i spellet it rite thhis tim ] wud have hit my thumb. ow. ow. oow..
driving - wud have lost my way in the first 10 minutes and keep circling the place like a goldfish.
eating mangoes - oh man this is by far the toughest. i knew i had to do this many times growing up and even when i was 18 i was like, mango pulp all over my face, juice running down my hands.. sticky fingers.. messy clothes. i was a mess. my grandma took one look at me and told my mom, eating was not my 'thing'. she better not let the general public see me eat. she'd never get me married off.
cutting cloth - MOST definitely [ one's aggain woo hoo ] wud have cut my finger and cut zig zag
first aid ?? - wud have prob killed the person
watering plants - wud have spent the hour wrestling with the hose, fought and lost, and returned completely drenched. more water on me than on the plants.

other than first aid [ no one let me anywhere CLOSE to the person needing first aid ]
i've pretty much done the rest.
i'm CLEARLY not a 'natural'

sTraNge hApPeniNGs

what do you do when.....

~u tell ur parents u want to be _______ and they fall over laughing their head off.
[ THNX for the encouragement Dad and Mom ]

~u tell them u wudnt mind ur younger brother marrying first and they immediately start talking of killing/hanging/drowning themselves [ gud lord why are we such a dramatic lot?? though now i know where i got those genes from... ]

~all you wanted was another pop tart and you end up getting a loong lecture on how ur gonna gain weight, rot your teeth, get diabetes, high BP, have a stroke or a coronary heart attack and die without seeing your grandchildren. [ i'm only TEN mooooom ]

~all you wanted was this really nice book for ur 12th b'day and u get a set of dolls, a magic set, a kicthen set [ coz girls loooove that ] and a book about horse riding [ wat??? we live near a desert. i don't even get to see horses here... only camels ].

~you were asked to wear corrective glasses due to weak eyesight and suddenly your grandma has taken to crying whenever she looks at you. [ come on you shud know why by now... it took me a while to fig it out though ]

~random people you met in social events stopped you and asked you if you were really blind without the said glasses, all looking extremely concerned and saddened for you.. [ actually i know this one. the correct reply is say yes, remove the glasses and pretend to be blind as a bat! u know the whole extending arms fwd and groping around searching for stuff thing :P then u put them back on, and look at them sadly to say "my life is over, i'm only 15 , who will marry me now?"
warning- make sure your mom does not see you doing an imitation of blind and homeless, your gonna get a yelling THAT night for sure! ]

~when ppl you know persist in selling you insurance policies you have no interest in buying. and hound you worse than stalkers.

~when your friend comes and tells you, he was going around with a girl for about 2 weeks. she borrowed 3K from him and then she's nowhere to be found! [ hopefully u get away far enuf b4 u erupt laughing! dude!! wtf were u thinking?? ]

~when 2 people you know insist that they are 'just' friends and when your all out together for a movie, insist they HAVE to sit next to each other and then cuddle for the rest of the evening. [ somehow this has happened many.... many times. and its always a surprise when they announce their engagement. always. X and Y? really?? NOOOOO :O when did that happen?? duh! ]

pAckiNg aNd sHipPinG

so i got all my stuff from pitts. [ yipee finally !! ]

and i never realized how much stuff i actually have :-/ [ man, girls tend to accumulate junk... come to think of it so do boys... so that leaves... let me see... only the leperchauns ]

so now i have like
3 HUGE bottles of shampoo. 4 HUGE bottles of conditioner. 3 HUGE bottles oh parachute oil [ i ltre!! :O and that too only becoz i left one in maryland ]. 12 bars of dove soap [ 12 !!!! TWELVE!!! WTF am i gonna do with so much soap ]. 2 bottles of body lotion.dove.
and so much other junk i had to throw [ ok i'm giving it away to charity, don't climb ur high horse yet .. ]

so my roomie sees all that oil and she's like.. hmm mebe V___ can take one. anyways he had to buy some oil, he cna just take one of those king sized bottles u have.

how can that be.

this is the only thing my mom sent me from india in 2 years !!!

she's not sent one laddu peda.

she sent me giant gulliver sized bottles of parachute oil.
how can i give that away ????

[ no no am kidding... come back .. come back... take them from me! take the damn bottles away. coooommmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee baaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkk ]

a qUesTioN tO yOu

ok i have this q for all the guys who read this post.

its a serious q. i mean in my eternal quest for information. this is just a part of it.

ok so listen to this song in the meanwhile.

ok so i have many many wierd friends. [ as is plainly very clear from the blog ]
and usually i listen to a whole load of whining, bitching, moaning, nasty stuff with just a shrug. don't really take offense at anything that said. not even blatant sexist comments sometimes. coz i think ppl have the basic right to stupidity? right?
with me so far?

ok so do YOU think i shud listen to wierd sexual innuendo and blatant profane language just coz a person is my friend when it makes me uncomfortable???
i mean certain topics just make me go eeeeeee stay away types. and yet just coz the person is a kind of friend and needs an outlet for talking such .... ummm.. filth? [ am pretty sure, said person does not talk like that with everyone... ] shud i listen to it??
how much is too much??
and just coz i'm pretty cool with talkin of most things under the planet, does that mean, i'm being pretentious when i say i don't wanna talk filth???

pretty clear answer when u write it down like that. but i'm interested to know what you think. for a change i actually wud like to hear someone else's thot on this.

Friday, October 24, 2008

kiDs iN tHE ofFiCe

its always interesting to meet so many people. my new team i mean. met them today. i'm probably the youngest. even the youngest looking person in the group is like 8 years older than me. oh wait there's one person.. no. forget that.
there is one other female other than me. and actually she's an alumni! interesting. the world is really a small place.

there is actually one person who looks like my garndpa and might actually be somebody's grandpa. no wonder they call me kid. kiddo. newbie.
no no there was no hazing in my first team meeting.

oh wait the right word is not meeting, its.. let me look this up... dundgeon. [ did i spell that right?? - oh crap anon is gonna start carping about techies and spelling and dylexia... ]

i really like the team. but somehow it seems a lil wierd to have old highly technical people around.
so far in my life the only old technical ppl i've seen were my profs. all the rest of the old ppl i met were just.... old.

so the demographics as they stand
88% males
68% above 40
60% indians
4% obnoxious

70% of my manager's time is spent in meetings
15% of his time is spent in travelling
100% of his managers time is spent in meetings

20% of my day is spent blogging
50% of my time is spent in meeting

no i'm not gonna try and complete the remaining 40%... oh wait its 20%... oh damn i'm a techie i shud know the math....


today was get ur kids to work day. for halloween. giving chocolates types.

ya. ur right. i admit it. i took some chocolates too. hey! only one.
it was an eye. it was a bit gross to eat an eye. but then i ate it.
ya i know.
ur right. but thats ok.

gReEn aNd sLiMY

i have this bug.

NO u computer zombies. not in my computer. i mean i have this green bug insect thingie. ugh!
its made of rubber and supposed to be a stress reliever thingie.
but its soooooooooo grooooooooooss.


i don't know why. but i have this wierd fascination with it.
actually belongs to my neighbour. and its so awesome. i keep going to her cubicle every couple of hours to look at the gross green catepillar.

poke. poke. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

i mean seriously. u shud look at it. its rubbery and squishy and soft and slimy looking. and bends every which way. and there's something hard embedded in its belly [ i think its a battery for it to glow or somethin ... ].

poke..... poke...... look at it from another angle.
nudge...... poke.


its so awesome !!!


Thursday, October 23, 2008

rEplY tO aNoN

we have to talk about something else. as I'm a slave to requests from anon.
also i'm afraid he's stalking me and might swipe a butcher knife across my throat [ a.k.a hannibal ] [ oh all right mebe a.k.a is not so appropriate but it sounds sooo cool like visavis and appropos .. ]. i'm afraid he'll do that if i don't listen to his request of writing something fresh and new!! {say that with a zing in ur tone like the new detergent ad}
apart from the fact that the only time i have nowadays, to post anything, is my lunch break [ yeah.. i'm giving up my lunch break for u anon ] i really don't have that much going on in my life at this very second.
should i invent stuff just to pander shamelessly to your degenrate sense of entertainment and the endless joy you get from reading about other people's miseries????
[ now we know why no one posts comments on my blog.. actually now we know why no one even READS my blog.. having nothing else to write about, i tear apart your comment ]

yup so now that we have established that i live to serve and please anonymous comments on my blog. which btw i purely use for pleasing myself and not to pander shamelessly to your deg......... [ brain tuned out for the next 10 minutes ].
now as we have done that we can go back to revisiting each and every topic i wrote about for the last one year and spend hours dissecting them [ obviously the hope is that by then anon would become brain dead, provided he/she was still with us till the end ]

yaaaawn. my lunch break is over now. and armed with an amazing sense of worthiness of having accomplished something fantastic and then also being amazed by my natural brilliance and awesomeness , i shall now bid u adieu for the rest of the day.

bye anon, i'll see you later... and don't try to up a crazy person. ppl wierder than you have tried and failed.

WieRd mORniNgS

life is infinitely exciting... they've made it easier to post comments !! yipeee.... ya i know. life's lil pleasures.

so did i tell u bout the time i........ hmm prob not. lets see
its a story about ... hmm the words teenagers, mirror, horror, etc come to mind.

so it was just another day for me. i had classes. tuitions, blah blah. i wake up groggily, stumble to the bathroom, put toothpaste on my toothbrush, look up in the mirror and

my lips have swollen to THREE times its normal size.

WT* !!

while my incoherent brain is trying to make some sense of why??? [ WHY?? oh GOD , WHY??? ]
the how?? [ HOW?? oh GOD. HOW??? ] and therefore.. i can hear myself screaming.

gud lord i look like a mutant from an amphibian planet.

part of my mind was [ the part that's insane ] fascinated. [ hey look ! i didnt know lips cud do that ] while the rest of my brain was behaving normally for once. [ eeeeew i look terrible. i'm not going to school looking like this. ]

ofcourse when i went to my blessed mother with this problem, wailing like any normal teen girl would do, she took one look at me and burst out laughing. [ THANKS FOR THAT MOM! i'm SCARRED FOR LIFE NOW. teens are very sensitive you know. ]

you had to literally pry my brother off the floor. he was rolling around, tears streaming down his face.
laughing u dolts. not crying. [ ya u can't ascribe the higher sentiments to my brother. nope you can't ]

typing nowadays is really hard. what with the whole vitamin B1 deficiency, numb fingers thing. and it doesn't help when your mom [ Hi Mom !! ] kindly decides to wake you up at 6:30 in the morning [ hey! i slept at midnight ] just to discuss the whole i-am-out-of-free-minutes-and-incoming-is-charged excuse i always give. also to advise that i need to exercise more. lots of people are doing it. [ !! in 30 deg weather?? i don't THINK SO. and anyways when was that a reason for doing anything?? ]

and how my prospects of getting married are lowering day by day if i don't change my ways [ oh nooooooooo not THAT again. moooooooooooooom its 6:30 ... groan .. ]
man i was too groggy. i wonder what i ended up agreeing to just to get her off the phone.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

tHe tHirD dAY

ok i got nothing

i tried a couple of times.

but seriously. its nada. zip. zero. null. etc etc

so we'll just have to wait for lightning to strike... and till then u can swat flies or twiddle your thumbs... or.....well u get the picture.

why did i even bother to come out here if i had nothing to say???

well didn't i MENTION the 155 posts thingie before???
also i did try. honestly i did. twice infact. so its not all my fault ....

oh on the other note. things finally fell into place. kind of.

tc folks !

Monday, October 20, 2008

mY fiRsT dAy

warning: long post ahead. might cause cranial damage. ignore if easily irritable.

it could have been worse.

my first day in the office I mean.

atleast that's what I was thinking at 7:30 in the friggin morning when the security officer said i couldn't enter the building coz my name wasn't in the system. ok calm down. lets not panic. my roomie tells me i'll prob not be able to start for another 2 weeks [ ok start panicking... i need to get paid !! i'm broke !! ]. so i just called all the I____ ppl i knew.. and managed to get someone to claim me in just 55 minutes [ obv. ppl don't come in till 8:30 ].
ok i'm in now. i sit for the orientation.
cool. things are moving along now.

ok now i gotta get a picture ID taken and get 'THE BADGE'. darn it. my name is not in the system again. i have to go to another campus tomoro and pray for the best.
and then he very politely tells me since i'm technically still a visitor. i can't roam around on my own and need to be 'escorted' around. i'm looking at him blankly. i don't understand what he's saying. where will he escort me? i have NOWHERE to go after this. and when i explain this to him , he just smiles, nods his head and before you can say 'yankee doodle' i've been escorted out of the building. and he's been smiling and nodding his head at me all the way, too.

i wake up from the daze i was in. what the heck am I doing in the parking lot?

ok lets not panic.
start calling potential ppl who can drop you.

"I'm sick I didn't come into the office today. mebe u can take a bus" [ wat bus?? ]
"I'm not in the office. I'm in the bank for another 2 hours. wait will ask my friends if someone can drop you." [ unfortunately he promptly forgot me after that ]
"I'm with the person above in the bank. why don't u try M____ or take the I___ shuttle to the railway station." [ and then what Einstein?? ]
"I'm ill didn't come to office today. take some cab numbers" [ strike 2 and unfortunately i promptly forgot the numbers after that call. ]
"I'm in a dundgeon meeting. can't leave for another 3 hours." [ OK ]

gud lord! thats all the people i knew. the probability of this happening was wat?? 4%??

so i'm talking to this friend of mine in Arbor, [ hey K_____ , how u doing? :) ]
and he advises me to camp out at the nearest starbucks. ok. i look around.
ofcourse wats next to an I___ campus ?? a bloody airport !! a small airfield actually. the circumference makes up half of the 5 mile trek back home. damn u starbucks.
so i start walking. hey, i'm tough. i'm not some whiny ass, who can't trek 5 miles in girlie sandals. [ though i suspect the last 2 miles will be barefoot and me drunkenly weaving around on the sidewalk. ugh, thats not a pretty picture... ]

another friend listens to me bitchin and moanin and says he has only one thing to say
"congrats on getting your job !" and he's lauging his ass off. [ B**** ]

ok so i'm walking and half way through i think, it could have been worse. it could be raining.

uh gr8. i had to open my big mouth. it started raining. darn it

ofcourse all this while the uppermost thought in my head isn't how do i get out of this mess , but man this is fantastic! this is awesome material for my blog. i can't wait to get this down !!! [ :-/ WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??? am i brain dead?? was i dropped on my head as a kid?? its raining and f***ing cold and i still have 3 miles to go.... ]

hey, mebe i can call a cab. friend num 2/3/4?? gave me cab numbers and i got them here somewhere...
ok here we go

uh oh
uh oh..
damn the battery is just about de--------------

Saturday, October 18, 2008

cUriOuSitY KiLls

u shud read this.

Violent Acres

On a side note. i sooo00 identify with the author.
coz i once opened the car door when i was a kid too !!!
though i was slightly stupider. coz we didn't have compulsory seat belts back then in and my dad was doing 120 kph
i think for about 2.5 sec i was hanging onto the mercedez benz door and praying i wouldn't fall out. coz then my mom would be soooo pissed with me!!

yeah those days i was more shit scared of my mom than dying even.

but atleast i was not as curious as A____ who once admitted to me when she was drunk that she had tasted sh**

eeeeew eeew
and watever your sick brain is thinking right now. YOUR RIGHT !! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID !!!


nO moRe PaiN oN mY fiNgER

I am a coward.
OK i admit it.

also i have a really really low threshold of pain....
so small nicks = lots of whining.
anytime i cut my finger in the kitchen [ which is most times i try to cook... why do they make such tricky graters??? ] i end up telling everyone
"i cut my finger, it hurts :("
"omg show me, are u ok ??? " [ lots of concern from ppl who don't know me yet and my ability to exaggerate beyond all human capabilities... ] [ hey thats why i love making new friends, can milk them for all they got before they'r broken in... and jaded ]
"oh its nothing, its really nothing, i'm not that hurt { trying to be brave face}" [ no really. let it go already. its really nothing. it was just a miniscule nick that you have to spend 20 sec searching for and sometimes even i can't find it. and its really embarassing to show it to you. just stop with the sympathy and don't ask to see the finger. then we're fine :-| ]

but on the other hand , when i'm really really not well. perversely thats when i decide that i'm perfectly fine.
"hey you don't look so gud, are you ok? you haven't moved from that chair in a while"
[ where i had such a low bloodcount and so sevcerely anemic that i couldn't get up. ]
"no no i'm perfectly fine. i WANT to sit here for the last hour. i'm thirsty. i've just been building up strength to get the glass of water for the last 45 minutes... ]

"hey how are you feeling now?"
"oh perfectly fine. infact i feel like i can play football now"
[ never played football in my life. and i'm lying on a hospital bed, with the second bottle of blood dripping into me. ]

its a strange perversity. but there you have it.
there's an excellant quote you'd like
"Everyone's normal till you get to know them"

nice no?
[ to say in the style of the vernaculur ]

b'DaYS aRE FuN

so its a friends birthday. i just met him like a couple of times. nice chap. nice hair. [ ya this is for u H___ :P rem u promised to spring for lunch tomoro?? and this is me shamelessly pandering to u.. man the things i do for chocs or free lunches ]
btw happy b'day H___ !!

now that our house was partially set up. and we had a home theatre system and one of the walls was painted a nice red. we decided the party would be in our house. ok so we have a pale version of a party you know.
no booze, the usual cake , chips, blah blah. it would have been the most sober b'day H____ would have in his life, perhaps...
just 15 ppl.
piece of cake ! [ pun intended ]

now. well we got the balloons and the party hats. and etc etc
my roomie told me its ridiculous to think of feeding 15 ppl. everyone is gonna have dinner and come at 11:30. so all we gotta do is give them soft drinks and chips.

cool. right?

not so.

"hey no one has had dinner and they'r all planning to come here for dinner"
"ok lets not panic, how many ppl?"
"only us, the guys we meet everyday. nothing special. anything you make is fine."
"ok. get the veggies from wincos and i'll make something."

she goes.
she calls up.
"hey some more ppl will join"
"ok, just get more veggies"

i'm cooking for 15 people. i'm upto my elbows in peeled potatoes and carrots.
we don't have VESSELS to cook for 15 people.
so i'm cooking in 2 vessels simultaneously. the sink has stopped draining the water. and i'm wondering to myself.

mebe its the mirror thing :-| [ refer to prev posts. oh wow i totally feel like a big shot saying that !! ]


ps: food was a smashing success. we had pav bhaji :P
but since half the folks planned for a booze party after our teetotalers party, only half of what we made was done.

pav bhaji anyone??

sAy yOuR SorRy nOW

lotsa random stuff.

the biggest goofup first ?
so in the previous post, i had commented [ rather nastily i'm afraid ] on someone's gtalk status.
ok the sad part is , i quoted him verbatim. usually i change stuff a bit, so the person reading it doesn't realize. and then i had the brilliant idea of actually giving the link to all the people on my gtalk list. ofcourse the tring tring person, was also on the list.

ouch ....

foot in mouth.

oh man i'm wincing at what i did. imagine. considering that the probability, that Y____ read the post is 0.001 % and considering that some people read my post and knew who i was talkin about....
man that is sooo mean.

i am sooo completely ashamed of this.
i have to formally apologize to Y____. wait a sec, let me get into the formal buddhist apologizing lotus pose. darn it. i can't get into that pose. infact i lost my ability to get into that pose in 1998.
still i apologize. personally i think the author of this blog is full of BS. i mean who does the author think he or she is??? is the author even human ??? i seriously doubt the eartly origins of the author. [ ok now you go to far, or is that i go to far?? uh oh. schizophrenia at its worst. ] [ actually by now, i'm hoping Y_____ would have gotten fed up and given up on the author as a lost cause..... do you think its working?? ]
but seriously dude... dude. what were you thinking???
seriously ... tring tring??

oh man this turned into a really long post. and i didn't even tell you the story of how i ended up cooking for 15 people today :-/
ok thats another one.

Friday, October 17, 2008

pEoPLe eAsy tO HaTE

i hate very few people on the planet.
hey sure i might bitch a bit, whine a lot to anyone who'd listen....

but when i'm talking to you. and even if your one annoying SOB, i can still see things from your perspective... and i won't hate your guts.
but you know. the people i really find annoying.

are the people who change their names in gtalk to something like

"i am a loner ...."
"to live is to love"
"or to love is to live"
"singing with happiness"

i mean i have only one question to ask these ppl


i mean you don't even put up a picture.
and then you have random crap on ur orkut profile. like i'll know you love to bungee jump on weekends and have 2 pets. but i don't know which city ur in, or where you work. or where u studied.
u know? the stuff people id you with.

and then you have the really interesting status messages.
now i can't say much about this, coz i put up wierd quotes as status messages too...

but then this was very... hmm... interesting ?
"A shot of ecstasy, a peg of laughter, a pint of anxiousness, all becoz of a phone call. tring tring."

:-| i am NOT kidding. this was an actuall status message.
and i SWEAR i didnt make up the tring tring part. infact thats the best part.

mOurN yOuR ReFLectiOn

this time i had really done it.



do these things happen to me.


i did it again.

broke a mirror i mean.

had this really nice one from target.

well not expensive or anything. for the first time in my life , i thought
i thought i'd be a lil girly , u know?
display some feminine characteristics.

and i bought myself a mirror. a full length one.

ofcourse i had the brilliant idea of sticking it on a wall with duct tape.
ofcourse duct tape cannot hold up anything.


ok that's another 7 yrs.
now.... lets see, last i had was 146.....

oh that makes me wonder. what if all the bad luck i have is because of the mirrors i've broken in my previous life????
scary thought. coz then if u really think about it. i'll never get the tab down to zero as i keep adding to the score every lifetime....
darn it !!

uh oh
this is bad news. i was just researching how to ward off or do penance for the bad luck or counteract it... apparently, some culture believes, that if u break a mirror, your soul gets trapped in the bizzaro world of the mirror. darn it.
apparently under african tradition i should buy a shovel, and bury the pieces under a tree during the next full moon.

ok there are a lot of crazy people in this world. i am not joining them. i prefer being independently crazy.

hey wait a min! you can't have my soul. gimme my soul back....
hey wait. come baaaaaaaaaaaack ............

pAinT iT uP

my roomie got one wall of her bedroom painted. fire weed.
thats the color. i'm sure u guessed it.
if i throw random words like fire weed, turkish wood, stonewall gray...
i'm sure u'd know they were paint colors.

you wudn't think i was smoking pot and in the 7th heavens of nirvana. no you wudn't.
i know that.

anyways. so we have this nice person from iraq who comes over to paint the wall fireweed. apparently he loves indians. so he asked me a whole bunch of qs

who was the latest bollywood star now. was it shammi kapoor??
[ dude, thats like ur 30 years behind the times... i think shammi kapoor's son is in movies?? does he Have a son ?? ]

how much does it cost to have an indian wedding? when will i buy a house. [ please call him to paint the house. he works for himself ]

and so on.

at the end of 2 hours. he knew a lot about india. [ atleast a lot more than when he started. ] like places that he MUST visit if he ever goes there.
where the taj mahal is situated [ everyone knows that one ]
and stuff like that

i didnt really ask too many qs about iraq. what can i ask?? which is the most popular place to visit???
[ the place that isn't being bombed right now. ]
oh there's a conversation killer if you ever had one.

anyways. did you know, that its almost always that the girls who ask for color paints on their walls. guys cudn't care less. he said in his 60 years of his career. or was that 16?? [ he didn't look like he was 70+ yrs old ] , he hadn't ever met a single guy as his client. now THAT is an interesting statistic. you know.

i think i understand. why would u spend a 100 bucks for a different wall color ? when you could so use that money for something better. like beer for instance
[ ok i'll not tell you girl , that's how you spent most weekends before you met her. AND that for GOD'S SAKE you miss those days ... ]

ok ppl have a great weekend. drive safely. and don't drink yourself into a drunken stupor and lay sprawled out on your living room couch or on the side of the street wearing pink color unmentionables.... or don't drink yourself into imagining your superman and run through the main street thoroughfare, once again wearing only pink unmentionables or dance on the tables of the pub wearing red unmentionables... or.....
[ man, such specific advice. makes you wonder , doesn't it?? :P ]


Thursday, October 16, 2008

yOur iNviTEd tOo

nowadays, i get a lot of these mails.


"we are pleased to invite you to ____ and _____'s wedding on ......"
its usually a general invite. u know like a whole bunch of ppl are cc'd on the list. your somewhere in the middle...

u do the best u can. i get that.
ofcourse most times i have a vague idea, that i must have known the person.
that's why i'm being invited right?

but then one day i recieve a really nice mail.

Dear S_____,
i'd like to invite you......

the rest of the email is with the same format.

u can guess what happens next. i spent the next half hour looking at the mail from all angles. front, sideways, bottom-up. nope didnt help.
i really couldn't picture any face with that name.
thankfully the name was familiar, and he had been really nice to send me a personal invite mail.
and i really felt bad that i couldn't even remember talking to him more than a few minutes over 4 yrs of engg.

so ... there was nothing to do about it ...
u know how u reply to the generic mails with a "hey congrats and blah blah."
so i sent a personal mail back saying how happy i was for him and be sure to send me the snaps.
no no really be sure to send me the snaps. hopefully with an arrow pointing to yourself and saying. this is B____ and you knew me from 2000 to 2004.


too much haan??

naatak only. i know :P

nEw DoORs oPEn

hey a whole new world opens up.

i like this song.. always thot that rock meant cymbals and drums fighting it out in your head and the winner gets to have your brain for lunch.

but this is nice.
pink floyd - coming back to life
huh who knew?
[ the only reason i wrote that down , is that someday youtube is gonna remove that video and then that link will be broken and then i'll feel incredibly stupid for not being able to know which song i really really liked. make sense?? ]

oh btw this post is dedicated to K___ for making me listen to this song.

on another note.

i've realized that if i just shut my trap and listen , ppl tend to tell me loads of stuff. and its very interesting !!

like how this person is in love with 2 ppl at the same time. and has to decide by feb. how they both take care of her and she'll miss the other one if she chooses one. [ tough luck !! you have to choose ONE lady. you can't have both ! or... wait ... mebe u can... are u mormon?? hmmmmm ]
like how one person is rumoured to have a significant other. as far as i know, said person does not have anyone , but the rumours have spread far and wide. especially in his home town [ how do indians say it, 'native' place. lol. btw thats soooo ghatti ]
so ppl in my mom's generation think he's having this hot affair. and as far as i know the poor dude is still single and footloose.
ofcourse i have a moral dilemma here. shud i tell him?? the reason the 9th girl rejected him is that apparently he's already on the verge of getting engaged and they all think he's a creep for cheating on his gf?? [ he doesn't have one, incase you didn't get that ]
hmm ... interesting

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

reMovEd tHe REaLly niCE soNg

u find a nice song, and u search for it on youtube and put it up without even checking the video... and then ur suddenly offending a whole lot of ppl




well actually in my defense , i really liked the song. NOT the video so much.
nor have i watched the movie. so don't worry anon, whoever you are, inorder to keep you happy and smiling, i've removed the video.
though ALL i was trying to do was kind of make a note to myself so that if i ever felt like listening to the song again, i'd have a handy way of finding it.
trust me i need that, otherwise i'd be annoying the **** outa you. describing the scene, actors, their clothes, etc. anything but the melody or the movie or the name of the song/actors. something which might actually be useful in recollecting the exact song.

actually the video offended my sensibilities too.. never cud finish the 4 times i started watching and gave up.
so i can't really inflict that kind of torture on you, now, can i ???

sPEciAL dAy

today is a very special day.

a very special birthday.

so am off partying and i'll see ya tomoro.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

pLaCeS tO gO

i have a wish list of places i wanna go to.

europe - greece, italy, amsterdam, paris, switzerland. ( these places for sure )
new zealand
alaska ( cruise )
himalayas - ( and nepal )
disney land

i can live without seeing the rest of the universe. why am i writing it down?
well, i'm just putting it 'out there', mebe the universe is listening...

hey! u never know..

pEaRLs oF wiSdOM

some things i know now -

when you don't return phone calls or emails, its coz u have a life. when I don't, its coz i'm irresponsible.

when you spend 2000 dollars on a flat screen TV , its coz its 'necessary' and 'cool'
if i spend 40 bucks on a fancy laundry basket, i'm too extravagant.

pink shirts for guys are 'in'

sleeveless shirts are 'cool' [ god! i wish i was struck blind before i saw u in that pink sleeveless shirt ]

its the new age of dating. girls now open doors, carry the heavy bags and call you everyday and stuff.

if you ask your boyfriend for a gift for your 9 month anniversary, he'll give you a wii

you don't get chocolates as gifts coz everyone thinks your concerned about your weight. [ dude! they'r chocolates!! haven't you heard they'r gud for the heart?? ]

Monday, October 13, 2008

gEntLe aFtERnoOn

so i have this grad friend of mine, R___.
and the poor dear is also caught in the macabre death dance that is most commonly known as 'arranged-marriage-groom-hunting-parents-turning-nuts-syndrome'

now she tells me what's going on in her house these days, and i feel like.
i feel like telling her that her parents are nuts. insane in fact. i know i know.
it doesn't help to tell anyone that they come from genetically idiotic stock.
but come ON.

what are they thinking??? driving a young female to despair and tears???
[ rolling eyes here ]
ofcourse now if u come and tell me a story such as this, all i can do is crack a really inappropriate joke. hey, humor is the only defense i got against this universe :-|

on the other side , the groom's enterprising sister [ who i'm sure means well ] sets up AND heads up the interrogation task force.
"do u have a webcam" [ u mean the 10 million photographs her parents showed u aren't enough ?? ]
"i really wanted to see your face"
"i was hoping we could have a video chat"
"can we do the video chat tomoro??" [ lets not get desperate here ]

come ON woman. think of something else to say.
"what are ur interests?"
"list your hobbies" [ and here starts the brow beating ]
"so apart from work, what are your likes and dislikes" [ oh... now i wonder if she considers work a like or a dislike ]
"do you like to spend more time at home or outside??" [ how the F*** is this relevant when R____ hasn't even MET your ****** brother?? ]
"looks like ur very busy with work and have lots of friends" [ what exactly is upsetting about this? ]
"how long do you plan to be in the US?" [ again, lady isn't this something the girl and guy shud be discussing?? ]
"are you adaptable" [ in terms of wat ? food, climate, people, pets??? oh this was an actual rejoinder by R____. way to go R____!! ]
"tell me about your siblings" [ btw is she under arrest?? then she has the right to legal counsel ]
"do you fight with your sister who is 10 years younger than you" [ WTF ?? your honor I object on grounds of prosecution being an idiot ]

and finally
"are you interested in this proposal" [ NO. NO in capital letters. NO in a thousand different languages. NO, the voices in my head are screaming so loud, my head might just explode, NO. NO, not if this was the last possible match on earth and if the consequences of saying no was eternal damnation in hell, NO ]

unfortunately I understand R____ can't really say all this to anyone. but i can say it for her.
i totally get you R____. let me know if you want me to sic my patented eqyptian curse on any of them.

this post is dedicated to the silent screaming voices in R's head.


oh btw on a random note, this list is really funny and sooo true !!
sorry ppl i couldn't resist posting it :P
Signs of a US returned Techie

TinY sCarY pEoPLe

in defense of my previous post and the horrid horrid accusation that i hate babies with a passion [ hey, thats so harsh dude ] , i have to write this post.
i don't , i repeat do not hate babies [ i just prefer to look at them from a distance coz i'm suspicious of the way they look at me. mebe they'r alien beings trying to such out my brains. hey, come on. you never know, just look at the way they'r staring at me. ]

ok ok to get back to the topic. no no the topic is not the alien origin of babies.
[ have YOU WATCHED the babies born show on TV ??? ]
i finally realized it. i realized where my horror of babies originates.

it was 1985. march 28. in my native village in some remote corner of the planet.
i was wat? 15 months old? and my grandma had gone to get the doctor.
and then it happened.
my brother was born.

so mebe the reason i woudn't touch really tiny new born babies with a barge pole is just post traumatic stress :-|
my unfortunate mother had only me for company. don't think i was very helpful.
and i watched my brother enter the world.

that reminds me.
i hate doctors too.

damn them, where's a doctor when you need one????

sigh.... u can see i started my career as QoD very very early.

cAn'T BabY mE yET

even though i dearly love all my friends. i don't understand one thing.
why the heck would you - if you were my friend that is - show me baby pictures as soon as i woke up in the morning ???

i mean.


now , i'm just like the next girl. [ actually not in this case or u might make a valid argument, in any other ] but come ON.
baby pics???
what can i say to that? nice baby.

hey i don't know this baby from adam. according to me all babies below 2 look the same. pink and wrinkled and loud. oh i was talking of visual characteristics of babies.

yaaawn. man , i don't even want to think how bad the day is gonna get before it gets better. [ that's a reference to me starting the day by looking at baby pictures btw, incase you didn't get it :-| ]

Sunday, October 12, 2008

sCariNg mE riGHt

its never good to get a call from home. and especially not gud to get a call and learn that your stupid moron of a brother had a vehicular accident.

I am not pleased.
but nothing happened to him.
thank the lord.

but i really feel like kicking his ass right now.

and as soon as i get the news, one of the dames [ i referred to her as evil blood sucking M____ in the previous posts? u rem ], she asks me who died.
ok i wanted to punch her face right then. mebe push her teeth down her throat.
[ yup sorry i tend to feel very violent when agitated. ]

i wonder why ppl willingly put their foot so far into their mouth, it comes out their ass !

Friday, October 10, 2008

FLusHed oUT

it's nice to be setting up house. i'm shopping around for stuff nowadays. and i think, hold your breath now. i think i finally furnished my bathroom.


uh oh
oh wait.
uh oh.

wat the heck happened ??? my bathroom is pink !!! how the heck did my bathroom turn pink ??? well first the shower curtain had to be nice, and the only cute one was the pink with lavender flowers and a bow on it.....
then the bathmat had to look gud and again the only nice , decent one was the pink with purple designs on it.... and WHY IN THE GUD LORD'S NAME do I have a pink waste basket??????
oh well atleast my soap dish and bath towel are brown....
NO they'r NOT pinkish brown. they'r BROWN.

i have a pink bathroom

Thursday, October 9, 2008

pOojA sAveD mE

today's a festival day. vijaydashami.

happy vijaydashami folks. also happy saraswati pooja day.
i did go to a saraswati pooja yest. it was gud. also gud, was the idli sambar we had later made by the mum of the friend's friend.

what WAS slightly disconcerting, was the tamil sloka papers that were passed around which ppl were reading. also the next 3 hours of continous tamil.
the pontification of the greatness of tamil. the greatness of shopping in chennai. the great feeling of belonging they felt by discussing about chennai. which movie star is gud right now. who's in love with which movie star and the greatness of madhavan.
all that is gud and thats the stuff i understood with my limited understanding of tamil.

the other day, i went out with telugu fanatics, and got a 3 hours discourse on the greatness of telugu movie industry. which song was the current chart buster and which movie star was doing who.

i have to admit. both times. unfortunately, my mind decided it was better off doing something else. and wandered off. hey, i tried to listen, i did. but the limited underdstanding of the language and the fact that i DON'T GIVE A DAMN about the current hottie from any of the south indian movie industries might have been teh reason i turned into a zombie. i think i was actually slack jawed , glassy eyed and drooling for a while out there.

last night i atleast had the extremely pleasant memories of the idli sambaar to keep me going :-/
but then my well honed instincts came to the rescue. i slinked around, wall to wall and finally, found a BOOK. in the middle of all the tamil chaos.
aaaha !!
take that. now i'm SAVED. even if i just opened random pages and looked at the random words ( i couldn't read , my brain had wandered off, didn't i say that already ?? )
ofcourse i couldn't concentrate... didn't i mention the incessant TAMIL NATTERING.

i don't think i can ever remember, talking about the kannada movie industry with anyone. if anything i might have talked about the ugliness of kannada movie heroes, but thats it. infact there have been many people who have refused to believe me that a kannada movie industry even Exists.

so here i am, in this place, fraternizing with different regional nuts. well, i guess there's a lot i'll put up with for food. so i shud just shut up now and eat my idli, sambaar, vada, chutney, payasa, etc etc

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

dO u MiSs mE tOo?

A friend of mine ( and i use the word friend in the loosest sense possible ) made a very interesting point. actually many friends of mine ( and i use the words friends in the loosest sense possible :P ) made many interesting points.

ok but getting back to the point. the question was raised. was it better off to stay here or better to go back. as far as i know, roughly 80% of the ppl in the US ponder this on a daily basis.
now THAT's interesting.

haven't you come here hoping for something better? didn't you decide you would be better off here?? didn't you realize that you'd be coupl'a thousand miles away??
then why the daily agony ?? why the doubts??
omg why so serious???

jeez ok so lets do something thats guarenteed to pass time and bring a happy smile to ur face.
compile a lits i mean ltis i mean ilts aaaargh LIST of things that we miss the most about india.

well the first is obviously
a close second is
masala dosa
and so on ... after this i can just print the menu of my chikappa's ( uncle ) restaraunt.

family ?? oh yeah. i miss them too... well... ummm... hmmm....
u see. the thing is. they have this slightly annoying habit of lecturing me.
and it doesnt help that when they start lecturing me on how i shud be growing up and facing life as an adult... yada yada yada, it doesnt help that i start making cartoon faces at them. u know?
so ... ummmm.. yeah i miss them and all. but right now i'm real glad they'r like on the opposite side of the globe dude.

ooooh another gem i forgot to put in the previous post

me: " but i don't want to get married now, its too early. i'm perfectly happy the way i am and i'm sure i wont be if i get married now."
them: "marriage is nothing about being happy. its about having kids"
[ oh ok. thats fine then. i must have completely misunderstood the entire thing. we can go ahead with this right now. ]

Sunday, October 5, 2008

BigOTs oF tHE wOrLd

wierd statements i've heard in my life. most of them from my relatives.
as a background you shud know that i come from a most extreeeemely conservative religious fanatical bunch of ppl. most of the time i'm left gaping stupidly, astounded by the stupidity of the statement.

yr 1996 - 2001 act .. scene ..
"females should know their place" [ which is? ]
"every female needs a husband. a husband is like a pillar for the house. and marriage is the foundation. without them, all u have is ...." [ just the walls ? ]
"you can't survive without a husband" [ u do realize we don't hunt and gather our food anymore ? ]
"i gave birth to you, your life belongs to me" [ guess who this is? but i think i mentioned this many many times before already ]
"you don't have a brain, if i say the sun is blue and the moon is red, u better agree with me" [ again, guess who ]
"i thought i wanted a girl child, so she could grow up and cook for me. and clean the windows... it's been 20 yrs, i'm still waiting... " [ keep waiting , not gonna happen ]
"what kind of child are you? i've written 4 letters to you in the last 6 months. you haven't replied even once." [ actually, the second was EXACTLY the same content as the first, so i didn't really bother reading the next two. in my defense i couldn't really reply. what can i say ? thank you for condemning me to eternal damnation for not replying to your first letter on time ?? yeah , my family is really big on love ]
"i know you did ur engg, but that doesnt mean anything. girls can't have a career or work in this world." [ are we living on the same planet? ]
"if you die without getting married, you'll become a ghost and haunt all the future generations" [ if i die without getting married, i won't HAVE future generations. and the exact word used was 'pretha' which is kinda a bit worse than a ghost. i think it translates to ghoul ]
"a woman's purpose is to have children" [ and yours is to be a jerk? ]
"a woman is incomplete without her husband" [ actually this goes on top with the pillar one. he better hope his wife is mild tempered and doesnt have access to rat poison ]
"no you cannot adopt, you need to have your own children" [ considering it from an evolutionary perspective, YOU shud never have had children ]
"you had two girls, you need to try a third time" [ this was for someone else and i have to admit, i wudnt mind mixing rat poison in THAT person's tea ]

and the best one's

"it's the duty of the female to listen to her husband and bow to his wishes at ALL times. anyways she's a female, she doesn't have opinions." [ ha! NOT if he's a colossal moron, it's not. and i'll show you opinion when i ram that cane up your... ]
"i give her all the saris and gold that she can ever ask for. all i ask is for a son." [ u ***** moron. females don't control that ]

disclaimer: each and every statement is true and reported almost verbatim. most were directed at me. some to others.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


if you've crossed 22 and your an indian female, i'm pretty sure that at some point, some well meaning person has asked you for your photograph.

usually the well meaning person is your mum. and OBVIOUSLY the reason she wants your photograph is .. well ... you know.
btw i hate and their relentless advertizing on sony and zee. i just wish. just wish my mother had never heard of internet marriage sites. if not, i wish she didnt know enough about the internet so that I could tell her that you don't get in the US.
like sun tv.

"no ma, its available only in india. i CANNOT upload photographs from P_______"

i wish i was that lucky.

i really hate that whole process. ya know? u are supposed to go to a studio. pose in a natural way , that looks totally artificial. saw a couple of my snaps of my friends. man its so undignified.
you know those christmas postcards where they make the dog or cat wear a santa hat or antlers or something. and you feel sooooooo sorry for the undignified state of the animal.
THAT's exactly how i feel when i see my friends , my dear dear friends in those snaps.

The one and only time i had ever taken one of those was the result of blackmail.
i wouldn't be given funding for my US trip if i didn't get that snap.
it was a total italian mafia deal.

"i'll sign 2 documents if you'll give me 6 snaps in different poses"
"sign 2 documents, 4 snaps and i get to choose the poses"

after that, i've managed to ignore all pleas, threats, blackmail attempts, crying dramas, the wrath of god, etc
ofcourse i'm condemned to atleast 127 years of bad luck and heaps of korean and brazillian curses now.


Thursday, October 2, 2008

pAiN in YoUR LiVEs

By the time i finally crawled out of the woodwork and blinked my sleepy eyes at ppl around me, the world sure had changed.

for one thing, i found i had graduated.

for another, 213 of the ppl in my 345 list ( orkut ) were mad at me for missing their b'days.
{ oops! sorry. can i make it up to next year? i can wish you twice if you want }

the rest of the ppl in my list were busy wishing i wud crawl back into the woodwork, the same way i got out.
{ mebe i will. if you give me $10. if begging does not work , blackmail sometimes does }

u know that pain you have by now? (after reading all this) no no not the one in your a**. thats not me. thats the bush adminstration.
no no no not the raging one in your head. thats your job.
yeah ... thats right, the one in ur neck. yup, thats the one. THAT's me.
yeah. gimme ten bucks and it'll go away.

oh. so sorry. u were expecting a point to this post? or mebe some story?
did i mention that i have a target of 133 posts in the next 2 months????
oh must have slipped my mind.

QoD taking classes to graduate to QoCD


I had 154 posts last year

i need 155 this year. that will denote progress.

won't it?

so, now & then you'll find these filler posts once in a while.

this is post number 22.

sigh... i have a long way to go don't i ?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

sOunD adViCE

'USEful' advice i've been given in my life -

yr 1998 act 4 scene 12
moving from all girls high school to co-ed college.
after breaking the news to dad's bro, he glares at me -
~"you better watch your step. i know 'people' in mangalore city {ooooh sinister!! }. one stray step off the path lady and ur out of that college. u better not let our family name be dragged in the mud." { NO idea wat was going thru his head... }

yr 1999 act 1 scene 5
the all girls high school headmistress when signing some form
~"don't stare at the boys in ur co-ed college. i heard your always doing that"
{ waaaaaaaaaaaaat?????? ack !!! those days, i thot guys were made from snails and puppy dog tails and smelly socks .... } { nothing happened in the next 9 yrs to change that opinion :P }

yr 2000 act 3 scene 26
i go to a random ajji {grandma} to tell her i'm leaving mangalore for engineering. off to a hostel in mysore. so she looks at me with a gimlet eye {prob the only occasion in my life i'll need this adjective} -
~"don't run off with a scheduled caste guy and get married in the najangud temple."
{ OK ajji }

yr 2006 act 16 scene 3
i tell my best friends i'm off to US for my MS. they look at me -
~"don't turn into a hippie and work at a gas station around the country to support your drug habit"
{ damn it! you know me too well }

some random one's along the way
~"u shud keep in touch with friends. its important to have these connections."
then i didnt get a call from her for the next 6 years. she wudnt pick up the phone when i called her either. { sounds familiar? mebe i'm talking about YOU }

~"ok,you find your own guy. just make sure he's vegetarian..... and a hindu.... and a brahmin....and is from our city....and can speak tulu."
{ wat?? }

~"i found this guy. you have to 'talk' to him. just don't... talk."
{ i can't even begin on this one. mebe, i answer a call, and nod my head }