Sunday, September 28, 2008

sUpeR wOmEN i meEt

its true, its nice to meet new people and butt heads with them.

met this female yesterday and spoke to her for more than a couple of hours.
it was an... errr.... interesting experience.

huh, wats the biggie you think ? well. think bitch. no actually super bitch.
yup i think ur pretty close.

ok so , she's the girl who has to move out, so i can move in. lets call her M. like james bond evil villain kind of M.
and then there's my future roomate A. ( another A !! ) now A just gets steam rolled by M.

so yesterday i moved in. and locked horns with M.

hey ! they don't call me spawn of the devil for nothing. i've been friends with the best super B's of the planet. and just coz i prefer to emulate a sleepy sloth, doesn't mean i like ppl to walk over me.
NO WAY, a slip of a girl half my size tries to sell her old stuff to me for twice the price she probably paid for it. hey ! do I have 'sucker' tatooed on my forehead?

and she has the gall ... the GALL to say she needs to find a sucker for her dining table. thats right after she tries to sell her dining table to me.
oh yeah
i'm steamed.

i'd really like to sock her one.
and while i'm flexing my fingers, let me tell you this
if she thinks she can steam roll over me, like she does A, i'm gonna flatten her.
soprano style.

{ oooh rubbing my hands together , this can get very good. i've been a goody goody girl for too long this time :P ...}
stay tuned.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

wEekeND aWay

apparently A is getting away this weekend.
with friends

what worries me is she's busy winking as she's telling me this
u know.
like this

wat the heck is A.D, the baby of the group winking for????
and apparently they'r renting a beach house ( i got more winks for that )

by now , i'm wondering wats happening in ipswick ( i can't spell , you already KNOW that , ok ? )

then she asks if i drink.
i say ofcourse i do.

and then. and then ( sputtering ) she calls me a SATI SAVITRI.

hey, what do u think A is upto out there???


since you guys are hounding me. ( yeah doesn't sound so nice when i write it down, now, does it? )

where have you been? what have you been upto ? where did you go all these months???
aaargh enough with the questions already !!

i'll tell you , i'll tell you.

i was HIDING.

no no... not from you.
you, i can handle.

i was hiding from 'some' ppl. 'some' ppl who had nothing better to do then pester me.

'how old are you?'
'isn't it time you got hitched?'
'biological clock, tick tock'
'your not getting any younger, you know' { dude, i'm hiding. not brain dead }
'you should think about the future' { let me get my walker }
'time's a flying. you can't afford to ignore it'
'if you don't grow up, you'll never get married, grow old, and die all alone'
{ this to the background music of somber sad voilins }
'the neighbours daughter got married' { let me crack the champagne }
'there's this nice bangalorean boy....'
'there's this nice london boy....' { after 2 weeks }
'there's this nice boy in california....' { yet another 2 weeks }
'have you lost weight?' { oh boy, here we go again }
'stop having breakfast, you don't need it'
'stop having lunch, you don't need that too'
'actually u can stop dinner too, you don't.....' { ok. someone notify the authorities. i'm a medical marvel. alive on air }
'you need to grow up' { ya ya, stickin my tongue out at them }
'i know this perfect new diet. u only need celery and carrots...'
'you need to grow up, get married, have kids. preferably in the next 3 months'
'send me photographs'
'lose weight in 3 days and send me photographs i can show this guy in...'
'there's this nice boy in seattle...' { 2 months later }

and so on. and so on. and so on.

NOW , can you see?

LefT oUT ?

its 6:30 on a saturday morning. its when the most important questions of my life plague me...namely.... WHY AM I AWAKE???

i try to check, if those people who complained i was never online, have mailed me.
nada. zip. now having satisfied that i exist, they have gone back to ignoring me.

ok so i start checking orkut. lets see what my friends have been upto all these months i went AWOL.

married with kids.
oh wait!! ..nope , married.
ooooh i have a scrap... let me see....she writes that out of two of my lost friends, one is married with kids and the other just married.
and so on....

guys, girls. it makes no difference. younger friends , older friends , no difference.
gud lord !! i have died and gone to hell ????

its just like the curse. one day u wake up and half of the ppl u know are married, on the way to be married or contemplating marriage.
though contrary to the curse, i do NOT feel left out, sad or do NOT feel like joining that state.

i feel like moving to siberia and finding this really cool cave, and moving into it.
stay away.

no really stay away, what if your marriage state is contagious?
ack ! stay away !!

siberia ! here I come. hide those polar bears willya?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

bEtTEr LaTe thAn neVEr

i have sorely vexed my friends... i know. coz i haven't kept in touch with them for such a long time. am sure they feel i've dropped off the corner of the earth.

actually i've vexed a lot of people.
but then there was a reason.
so you have to bear with it. mebe it'll make it easier to imagine me buried in a cave upto my ears in an old quilt. waiting for 2008 to finish. which is what it is exactly.

am just waiting for this year to be done...

i'll see you in 2009.

is it possible for someone to boycott and entire year ? just you watch me :P

oh had a spot of gud news , while writing this post. so mebe u'll spot me ...early bird of spring and all, but in my case , make that early bear of winter...

what? winter is here already ??? hey! its time to hibernate again !!
see ya in 2009 ^_^

dE pErFecT gUeST

u know the perfect guest is one who isn't. I mean he's perfect coz he's no longer a guest ? make sense?
oh hush when did i ever....

so in the course of the last couple of months, i've been the not so perfect guest. coz ive been ... there ... u know.
actually i think i'm a pretty decent house guest. well for one, i'm toilet trained.
{ hey. its a difficult skill to acquire :-/ } { doesnt say much for me , if i have to list THAT as one of my gud qualities... i know... }

but seriously. i'm a gud guest aren't i ?

i try to stay out of ur way,
am willing to help wash dishes,
i accompany u if u want to go out,
am willing to listen to u rant ( if u wish to rant ),
i eat all your food,
put things away in the wrong cupboard,
reorganize ur kitchen , so u never find ur stuff,
find and finish ur hidden stock of junk food and chocolates,
leave all jar lids open, lose ur remote, make u do my laundry,
run up your phone bill....
oooops mebe i shudn't be compiling this list.

oh by the way , mornin!
don't go to the loo yet we're out of toilet paper. and soap...and ... errr...toothpaste.

ps: this post is dedicated to A, R and G.
now all i need is an H :P

Monday, September 22, 2008

kiTcHeN oN fiRE

i'm trying to display my culinary skills. since i seem to be moving from one newly wed couple's house to another, i try to mitigate the disaster of my presence by giving the new brides a break and cooking a bit.

cooking is ofcourse an optimistic term. if thats what u can call my antics in the kitchen...

so we cook. me and my friend. most times i help. and a couple of days back we made rajma. now you know my soft corner for this dish, and seeing that she didnt want to cook the next day, i had the obviously brilliant idea of cooking a lot of food.
and now.
Now you can guess what happened next. we cooked a lot of food. i mean a LOT of food :-/

so now we've been eating rajma for the last 4 days and.... sigh...mebe it'll get done tomoro.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

aPiNG aWAy

Man , soon i'll need a new category for these kind of posts :-/

was talking to a couple of friends about their experience when talking to their 'propsects'. some stories were horrifying, some were hilarious and some were just plain sad !

and what wierdos they were !! ok so here's an updated list if you don't want to marry someone. say the word and you can have the other person run screaming in the opposite direction :-/

1. We have too much in common
2. You haven't dressed up enough to meet me
3. I really like you, but i'd like to date for a year before I decide for sure
4. I'm drinking in a bar with a blonde friend of mine. Your too old fashioned to understand american friendships { this was so wierd I didn't even understand what he was trying to say }
5. I need you to be the GM of my family business in India and meet me in the US once in 3 months for about a week. { wtf ???!!?? }
6. I went on a date last week, it didnt work out. how do you feel about a winter wedding ?
7. I don't have time, we can speak only once in a week and that too only if I''m free, which i can't say when I'll be.

and so on...

good lord, do we see a pattern ?? obviously men are devolving into apes now.

Friday, September 19, 2008

toO LaTe aND iN tHE dArk

insomnia attacks.

jeez will you look at the time ? its freakin beyond midnight even in hawai.
the sun has long left my adopted temp country of residence.

i can't sleep. is it the meds? the stress? the weather? the emotional trauma???? { someone finished that last piece of cake i wanted... }
i just can't. and i get up real early too.... sigh.

man i'd give your right leg for some restful sleep. notice how generous i am in offering your leg.. see?

anyways, R notices a change in me. horror of horrors, i can actually stand kids now. infact what's even worse is that i actually find some kids cute. while she insists its my long dormant biological clock ticking, i insist its just a temporary aberration. come on. do YOU think its my biological clock ? do mutant freaks have biological clocks??

somebody please shoot me.

no i mean it. somebody please shoot me. right in the head. perhaps its the long summer i spent with my cousins. hey they weren't half bad. pretty cute too....

oh crap here I go again !!! panic attack !!! when did this happen??? when did i learn to entertain kids, and deal with them and not run screaming from them like a chicken with its head cut off ????

oh no
oh no
oh no.

now that you mention it, the other day when i went with R to the library, i automatically homed in on the child rearing section ....

oh no
oh no
oh no

quick .... somebody get the gun. quick, before it gets worse !

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

nO moRE crAZy tALK

my friend tells me , not to waste anymore of my life on formal education ( source A.A hey look i quoted you !!! ) and i have to admit, he does make sense.
That surprised me. no no , not that part that he actually made sense ( har de har , don't worry A.A i'm on ur side this time, even if what they say is true... no no they don't say anything THAT bad about you.. well ... actually.... nyways lets get back to the point, or as FM said Need :P )

so i thot of getting another degree, instead of my grandoise plans of doing my phD. and was just mentioning it to my friend, while he says i'd be better of kayaking or horse riding...

oooh me and outdoor sports. that right there is an interesting picture :-/
mebe i'd do it. if i really hated mother nature... mebe we can all go camping and pray we don't burn down half the forest. wud be a miracle. ( if we didn't )

oooooh thats enuf crazy talk for today.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

dE riNgiN nEVeR sToPS

nowadays when people actually manage to get me on the phone, they'r pretty surprised.
wow u picked up your phone ! wow ur not dead.
wow your alive. wow hows it that you called???

else its always, you never answer call. you never return calls. your never online.
you never keep in touch.. etc etc etc yada yada yada

and if i did ?
if i spent all my time online? staring at my eternally empty inbox waiting for your one call???
what would you ask me? how i was?
i'll tell u now. i'll either say i was fine. or i'd whine all about how crappy my life was ...

yipee ! wat a fun way of spending a sunday afternoon !!

ok so i chose to log off everything and actually have a life. is that so bad ????
mebe i just didnt want to talk to you. mebe all i wanted was a book and a lil peace and quiet.

ha ! didn't think of that didja ???

uh oh. my phone's ringing again... quick throw it out the window ....

a gOoD sTArT fOr dE dAY

ok just to prove i attract all the morons in the world ... read this.
yes it happened today. no i have no real clue who he is. for all i know he's a stalker.
and yes this IS the reason i hibernate.....

for the record lets call him FM - friggin moron.
i'm as usual QoD.
the stuff in flower brackets is what'm thinking at that time ....
and if you recognize yourself as FM, man i'm sorry but ur too whacked out !!!


FM: hi QoD
me: hi
FM: where r u now. busy?
me: hey how do i know you?
FM: YOU there??
me: sorry cudnt tell from the id
FM: yar i am your junior at sjce
me: oh ok ok. sorry. thot u were my classmate, coz u hav the num 82 in ur id
FM: wat. r u from 82 born people
me: yeah
FM: wats your date of birth
me: lets forget that. so where r u now?
FM: bangalore. lets come to the point { oh whats the point?? }
me: where r u working?
FM: Am not working re. JOB less.. thats the point
me: oh ok
FM: what about you
me: yup me too.right now.waiting to join
FM: where. which industry? or what
me: engg
FM: QoD i heard you did your ms
me: yes u heard right
FM: ohhhhhhhhh. you are funny yar { am feeling pretty gud now, he obv recognizes a gud sense of humour when he sees one }
FM: k i wanted some guidance about that QoD R u busy with some work
me: ya i'm a regular laugh riot
FM: i have seen that you were so fat { WTF???? not feeling so good now am I??? }
and cute also { huh mixed signals to brain. am I happy?? or angry ??? }
me: huh
FM: always
me: wat? wat???? { HUH ??!!?? wat going on here ??? }

FM: what you said
what? I wanted to know your domain in ms and also the scope of research in medical domain
me: image processing { decided to let it go }
FM: Good. you will be of more use for me than { use?? USE ?? }
if oyu dont have any probs { why would i have problems??i live to be of USE }
can you guide me Image processing in what area you did?
me: wow are u a guy?
FM: what do you mean? i dint get you
me: i mean are u a guy or a girl. i can't tell. my responses may vary depending on that :-| { i know ur a moron, but are u a guy moron or girl moron ?? }
FM: Am 100% male
me: well thats gud for u { oh now that explains it all doesn't it ?? }
FM: whats the difference
me: nothing i'll tell u later
me: i dont think i can be of any use to u { caps on USE }
u shud find someone else. prob some thin and ugly person
FM: i am not asking you to be my guide.. in the sense academic
me: yes that is not at all possible. were u in jce?
FM: i asked you about some idea. initial idea
FM: yu are really...
me: i am really??? really wat? { you just go ahead with that sentence.. }
FM: i dont want to scold
me: oh u dont?well i dont want to listen either. well anyways i don't take kindly to being called fat !
FM: oh sorry for that
FM: i didnt mean that you are reall too fat. yu were at that time
me: oh then i guess its fine { yeah as if }
FM: it was just a comment. dodnt take it serious
me: oh ok. now that uve clarified it. sure { i am now on a roll .... }
FM: come to the need

me: need? ok { cudn't care less about your needs.. but whatever... }
FM: tell me. QoD. Hellooooo. r u there QoD. i am in a cyber cafe yar.cant wwait for long time
me: sorry. hey ok getting serious. u shud ask some one else
seriously { coz i'm seriously bored with this conversation }
FM: why
me: or mail me with ur questins and i'll answer i thiink that will save u time. { anything to get rid of you now.. }
FM: k. how much time can you spend now
me: i have to go now....
FM: just ten minutes. can you give me. ten minutes. now.for now
me: ok ok jeeez get a grip man. ok ask away.
FM: later i ll mail with some more doubts { theres a later also??? oh man }
me: ok
FM: k. lets do
me: huh?do wat? { stalker alert !! stalker alert !! }
FM: image processing .. yours { same as above ! same as above ! wake up brain , dammit wake up !!}
me: wat??
FM: nothing out of the point.k
me: huh
FM: i ll get tempted if gals do speak like this.let us be in line. { waaaat ??? }
me: oh yeah let us { huh. friggin pervert }
FM: i asked something
me: u did?
FM: image processing in what area?yours
me: man seriously. do i know you? i feel i would have remembered a character like you
FM: hey. you might have seen me somewhere
me: ok
FM: other than that we dont know each other.
me: ok
FM: speak about the topic. i have your little time. its fine if you can spend some more time also
me: listen man. u tell me what you want to get into. i'll try to explain the process
i dont have time to speak about my stuff { bored. annoyed, getting pissed }
FM: i want to some medical research
me: i have to go now. well i'm not into medical research. so i have no friggin clue
ok bye. gtg


and this is a normal day for me.....

Monday, September 15, 2008

fOrgiVEneSs iS a mYth

if i ever got married ( ugh just thinking about it gives me the hives.. )
and if my husband cheated on me (?!) , what would i do?

would i sic some egyptian curse on him? would i ask the gods above to shrivel up his... ahem... u know.... and fry them in oil and make him eat them ???

or mebe i'd get my famous assasin to do it for me ???

or mebe i'd just keel over laughing, coz i'd find the whole thing funny. hillarious. yeah yeah i'm just a laugh riot. i mean i KNOW my life is a farce, ok? what else would i need to prove it???

would i be angry??? probably for a very very short while. i wudnt get mad, i'd get even. i'd stick him for every penny he got. take the house and the boat ( oh yeah there'd be a boat allright ) and leave.
mebe leave with a hunk. since i'd have the boat, i might be able to get someone to come with me. someone with nice abs.

ok is it only me, or is this story getting too detailed????

wOrLd iS nUTs

ok i HAVE to graduate now. from Disaster Queen to CATASTROPHE QUEEN.

i mean. i am so FAR beyond having minor or major trouble in my life....i'm well into
suffering calamities and catastrophes. and the only reason, i can't find a more
appropriate word is coz , i DONT EFFIN know any.

ok i think u got the part that i'm a bit frustrated.
you have NO IDEA what happened to me today. I MEAN TRUST ME. you have NO IDEA.

ok i can't tell you much. but u would have probably guessed that it HAD to do with
ok so here's the deal. heavily edited .... i'm supposed to be talking to this ... ahem... guy. well jerk mebe a better word for him, but lets decide that later...

and then after 'talking' to me for 2 weeks and after 2 weeks of 'oh i think ur nice' kind of crap, he goes of for the weekend and was apparently a bit indiscrete.
and then ofcourse he has to be 'honest' and tell me about it.

hah !

to all my moronic relatives who have been so vocal about how the world is filled
suitable 'propsects' from my community .... all i wanted to do right then was show all of them the middle finger.

i mean
coooooommmmmmmmmmmmmeeeee oooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn.

this is what you so optimistically say is arranged?????

what kind of pre process checking do you do???
jeeeeeeeeez man.

i feel like kicking someone's gonads. and you all know who is on the top of the list for that !!!!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

fLyiNG oVeR dE cLouDs

i had to move. for the second time. and finally i'd be where i was heading all along. but u know me, things are never that simple.

so i missed my flight, by a friggin 3 minutes.
and then i waited a cool 3 hours. well i didnt let all of it go to waste. i read the remaining part of my book. sad i know.

on the way over, i looked out the window. and guess what? guess what?
we were over the clouds and .. and there was the moon right over there, lighting up the clouds. and it was like flying over silver cotton. or some such wierd thing.
ok i'll try to describe it to u.
see, there was no city lights to dim the moonlight. and it was really really bright.
and then... and lit up all the clouds and formed valleys and shadows and lit plans and so on.
good lord it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen in my entire life !! jeez man. maybe i shud be glad i missed my flight.

dRunKeNneSS iS cOntAgiOUs

the first time i went to a pub. well many.
actually we went club hopping. many pubs and a disc to top the evening of.

ofcourse i didn't drink.
jeez man, can you imagine the disaster i could have visited on the world, if drunk ??

so i spent the evening observing my increasingly drunk friends, video taping their antics and gawking at the rest of the whites.

i did enjoy most parts of the evening. the limo, the loud offkey singing of old hindi songs, the hand in hand stroll down the streets and finally the dancing. ofcourse it was a bit odd. since i was the only single person in the disc, nay perhaps in the entire city of denver out for the night... i did get elbowed a couple of times. some frantically dancing female did try to sock me in the eye a couple of times...
sigh.. what i wudnt give for electric stunner sometimes..

the best part of the day was the next day. now did that make any sense?? perhaps not. did i mention the getting drunk through osmosis part? i did feel that sometimes.... it was a very pleasant sensation. the only indication that something was wrong was when i was laughing. and didnt stop. :-/
well anyways, the next day i was able to clearly give everyone a detailed account of their actions the previous day. including the guy who pretended to be an airplane and flew around the room. :P

hey, who needs to drink to have fun ? watching all you drunks is good enough for me