wHat YoU LeARN

handy guide for guys about girls. [ mebe this will help you so that you don't dig such a deep hole the next time. this is for you V!:D ]

1. girls like shiny stuff. yes. exACTly like magpies. just give them their shiny stuff and you have the next couple of hours free to play 'wars of death' or watever. note: shiny includes earrings, noserings, rings, purses, etc etc

2. girls like to look at pictures of babies. if u want to keep your girlfriend, DON'T freak out. 96% of the time she's just looking. she doesn't really want a baby herself. if ur one of the 4%, man [ rofl ] there is no helping you. we will remember you in our prayers. [ or mebe ur one of those guys who likes to look at baby pics too. that works also. ]

3. girls are sweet delicate creatures. till you forget that anniversary or that birthday or something u shudn't have forgotten. then you have a weepy she-demon on your hands. you might as well be dead. [ be ready to buy some shiny stuff ]

4. girls don't care that you can fart in harmony with your buddy or pee further than him or balance a coin on your nose. [ ya sorry we can't appreciate your genius. thats why we have a circus ]

5. girls also like to bathe everyday. and they don't understand why u haven't changed your unmentionables in like forever. [ i don't want to know. no no i just don't ]

6. girls like gifts. [ u might as well resign yourself to it. thousands of years of evolution has led to one thing. you gotta buy us gifts [ notice them becomes us here?? :D ]. and all that stuff about 'its the thought that counts?'. he he :D. man just handover the wallet. ]

7. there are some things 'you just don't understand'. [ mebe u shud count your blessings ] look appropriately sympathetic and make a dash for it. anything you do to improve her mood is probably gonna backfire and land you in unholy hell. you might as well go for that all night beerfest. just bring back ... [ u know the drill by now ;P ]

8. girls ARE emotions. just think of them as one BIG gigantic emotion. and once they go down the emotional path, its really really hard to talk reason or logic or any of the other pesky stuff that uses the neo-cortex of the brain. [ wat does neo-cortex mean? ]. cruise along when its a happy emotion, blend into the background when its an upset emotion and try to bring in a independent consultant [ other female who is NOT in same emotional state ] when its a sad emotion.

9. girls like to talk. [ AAHA you were waiting for this one weren't you? :D but you know this. ] every guy in contact with the female half of the species KNOWS this. girls TALK. a LOT. yeaaaa....
ok i like you so i'll help you and wait, i have the perfect solution for this. u probably know only a few females who talk that much to you anyways. now listen to me, what you gotta do is develop an EXACT brain filter that filters out the frequency of her(their) voice(s). THEN you have to learn the 'i'm pretending to listen and will occasionally nod my head but actually i'm deciding which video game i shud get for xmas' face.

10. girls like to look pretty. even if you have only 20 minutes to catch that flight or you've been on the road for 17 hours, keep a buffer for them to primp. hey. its YOUR fault, for not taking into account the extra 45 minutes of extra primping buffer time required when you made those plans to tour the city. [ here's a clue. take what time you need and add 45 minutes to it. thats when your leaving the house ]

you know. there is more to girls than this shiny stuff. you don't HAVE to resort to bribery to keep your girl. there are other things you can do.
you can talk to them, LISTEN to them when they want to 'talk' even if its beyond 2 AM and your zonked from 8 hours of continously playing 'war of death' [ is that even a real game?? ], hug them when they're sad, comfort them, console them when you've hurt their feelings, pamper them occasionally, watch sappy movies with them, walk on the beach with them even though a football match is on......
yeah... your just better off buying the shiny stuff.

oh your girl is nothing like this?? she's totally different??? are you sure your not with a dude, disguised as a girl??? :O