Saturday, June 4, 2011

pAcKinG yOuR bAgs isN't sO eAsy

its funny. i keep hearing this phone ring. but its not mine.
is it the guy who lives next to me?? if i can hear his phone ring... does that mean he can hear me speak on the phone.
not that i'm saying anything terrible.. but still i'm just saying... u know?

thats downright weird.

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is it paranoia if it's true? i feel like everyone in the office knows. hey, what r u staring at me for? yup i'm leaving in a couple of months. what?? u didn't know.. oh come ON. don't pretend you didn't know that i'm mov.. i know just by the way ur staring at me. i can hear kD asking me, "why are u arguing with urself??"

i like kD. he's cute. he's like this big santa claus. must be atleast a 100. ok i'm exaggerating. kD's divorced. but he's so laid back and funny and cool, that i wonder how someone like him could ever get so mad at someone so as to get divorced.
i'll miss kD.

and for those guys in the office who don't know yet, and keep giving me work. i look at them. just look at them. how will they react when i tell them i'll not be around to do the work. that they'll have to count on someone else to share they're long term dreams and projects. i'm not saying they'll be devasted, come on. i'm not THAT vain [ only a little vain, but not THAT much ], but still they'll need to reset their expectations.
and what about those idiots arguing with me for control of the project?? will they be happy? will they be relieved that they are the 'owner' of the project. will they smile and say "good lord, finally??". i wonder who they'll ask for data now.

I is a funny company. you need to shout at the top of ur lungs to tell ppl that u've done something. toot ur horn. report ur brag sheets. its frustrating, annoying and quirky. but yet...yet i spent almost 3 whole yrs in a funny grey building. day after day. it taught me a few things. i met a bunch of incredibly smart ppl.... some not so smart ppl. and i found that i could do more than i thought i could. it taught me that my limits are not where i thought it was. i haven't found it yet. my limits. its just a matter of training. it's here that i found i could run 2 miles. that i got leg-shackled. that i went from a scared kid to ..a not so scared kid.

yes perhaps its time to move on now. and looks like i've finally made my peace with the thought of leaving. i'm ready to follow the tide once again. and i can feel the tides turning. i dont know where they'll go, but i'll end up somewhere and the most important lesson of them all, that i learnt here in portland, is that i can be happy no matter where i am. doing anything in the world. as long as i got something useful to obsess over.

que sera sera.

i gotta go to china once again. hmmmm.....

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