Monday, October 3, 2011

fOrGeTtiNg piLLs

my awesome classes , didn't really end with a bang. more like a limp and a whimper, with one black eye to boot. not really the trainer's fault. it's not his fault that the class was filled with the winjerks.

it;s a friday afternoon and china has gone on leave. well i mean the chinese office is on leave all of next week. invariably this means that things will be a little slow, since we still depend on them for a lot of things.

lets admit it already, i'm exhausted. i'm looking fwd to a break.

she tells me she's beein a s/w engineer for 15 years.


what have you been DOING?



thats's horrible

on another note, i think my friend is defending her thesis today.. i think so. i swear i remember vaguely her mentioning it, but you know.. the voices in my head.. they drown out everything else. one of the "better" things about marriage is that you have a lot more ppl in your life. a lot more ppl who care about you.. which is nice, but you are also legally or emotionally required to care about them. before i could honestly say i pretty much didn't care about what 99.99999% of the world's population did or do, or if they had a cold or sneezed or had a backache. now that number might have reduced by 10ppl. that's 10 ppl too many. i mean do you care if "U's" sister's daughter's cousin gave birth and because of which i cannot celebrate a festival, which by the way somehow just slipped past my mental calendar so i didn't really know i was missing it?

but ofcourse i "should" care. and if i was more of a human being, the thoughts of how little i care would haunt me. but luckily i'm not.

so anyways now there are x more ppl, and sometimes... [ just sometimes ] i feel horrible for not remembering their b'day or the fact they had a fever [ sorry ak, how are u feeling today btw? ] and etc etc.
ofcourse the feeling lasts about 15sec before the voices in my head drown them out with another internal crisis. [ STOP it, i'm trying to think. will you guys be QUIET for 10 sec please??? thank you ]
so what DOES end up happening is... i remember to call about 4 ppl [ my mom, my FIL, my SIL, my MIL ] about once a week. and i remember to call my husband about everyday. that's about it. more than that and i don't think my mental checklist could handle it.[ that's how i forget to call my poor brother about 3 weeks in a row now ] now that i do all this remembering, i can't remember what each one of them told me the last time i spoke to them.
now these folks are all kind. and all allow me some mental deficiency. and kindly remind me of the events i should remember in the next person's call.  so my FIL will remind me what my SIL told me yesterday and my SIL will remind me what my MIL said last week.

so what ends up happening is a brief flash of rememberence that i forgot to wish someone luck on their thesis defense and then an even briefer and brilliant flash of guilt before, like a chipmunk i see the next shiny object and oooh, when did that happen? and the voices in my head start their blasted cacaphony all over again. [ i said BE QUIET or it's loud opera for ALL of you for the next 4 hours straight ]

i'm not sure you get the idea of daily cycle of panic and guilt and crazy amnesia i live in.. but remind me next time, and i'll tell you all over again.


  1. In all honesty, you must make a conscious effort to remember ... what was it? anyway, nice post.