mAkinG iT haPpeN - 2

boy i didn't even last 24 hours. now did i?
but i wasn't maybe saying good bye to YOU. maybe it was for something else

but i had to get my head on straight. and it took me 3 days. [ ha! look who's talking about a straight head ]
well anyways i feel a lifetime has passed since last wednesday. every single minute crystal clear and i'm aware of the whole wide world out there.

no no no. i'm not drunk or high or doped up to my eyeballs....
but i kind of remembered. hit me like a lightning flash. remembered why i had done all the things i had done till now. my masters. so far from home.... blah blah blah
why i wanted to do a phd desperately. why i decided against it.

why i held off for so long....trying not to brood about it.

well finally. on wednesday it hit me. there's no reason i can't start now. i've done all i can to prepare. actually i haven't learnt french yet. [ one imp thing i missed along the way ]

what AM i talking about? oh its the teaching i wanted to get into. so i've taken the first step. started applying to NGOs. ok so most of the NGOs are for Africa. now don't freak out. i know its a lil out there. but you see. its not that difficult to think about. just let it settle down for a second. i'm not saying i'll be there forever you know... just a year or 2. and then i'll go back to india and continue there.

oh they don't pay nuts. i know... i know. and there's a good chance i'll probably get kidnapped/malaria/dengue fever/something something. but watever man. i have to do this. its either this or .. well there is no or.

i'm wincing at the idea of telling my mom. [ ha! ] can u imagine the ruckus. no i can't. but i'm thinking. its a choice. so i got to convince her. and maybe i can drive a bargain u know.

its something i've been thinking about since i was 12? 14? i don't know. maybe something isn't all set right in my brain. but i don't see what's wrong going for a year to angola to teach english. they'll give me some food. a place to sleep. what else you need? i dunno.
ok so i'm not a fool. i know it'll be hard. but this is where my passion is. aren't we supposed to do what we love? i MOST DEFINITELY don't love INTEL. not IMAGE PROCESSING. ugh. double ugh. its just a way to get money pal. its just a job. not a passion. ok so its pathbreaking exciting work. yes yes i see that. but i don't identify with it. don't love it. don't breathe for it. don't dream of it. u see where i'm going here?

so.... do you still think its crazy?
ya i guess you do. well i'll have to convince a whole load of ppl. join the line.
and who's to say i'll even GET a job in an NGO???? mebe they don't even want a kook like me. you know....

sigh. gesundheit.
but boy oh boy! since i made the decision to try, has my soul been singing!!
:D