oFf wiTH a eAr

expounding on the one night stand theme

:P




so do you know the whole story of vincent van gogh?
i mean i knew about the one ear thing, never paid that much attention to it...

so apparently he cut of his ear coz of a breakdown of his friendship with someone... you can read about it here if your interested...
Wiki entry on van gogh

cool huh? who knew...

wOrlD iNsiDe mY miRroR

some of the reactions to my photograph which I actually(sadly) THOUGHT was pretty good.....
[ there's nothing like best friends to give you a reality check ]

"you looked fine in the morning, what happened to you?" [ after i got my new haircut.... ]
"good lord , are you ill? you need to see a doctor"
"can i be frank? i think you don't look so cute 'to say it the way i see it'..." [ i think he was being remarkably polite... ]
"its ok except we can see you got bags under your eyes..."
"you got a haircut? i can't tell..."

and THIS one is my fav
"you look like the female in the 'The Ring' movie."

well that certainly makes sure i don't get too vain...
for a female i'd say i was pretty not-vain. i know i know... vanity thy name is woman and all that hooey, but really. i don't think i can be classified as vain...

i mean when i was a kid, everytime i stood in front of a mirror [ just to comb my hair mind u ] for more than 15 seconds? my mom wud start clearing her throat. if it crossed over to more than 30 seconds, she'd be staring a hole into my back and if i stood in front of a mirror for 2 minutes, she'd bluntly ask me who the guy was....
< rolling my eyes >
i guess thats spawned the years of not-combing-my-hair-at-all habit...

i remember this one time as a teenager, i was esp happy to get a new dress and someone had told me i was looking particularly nice... and i remember telling that to my grandma happily.. u know? and she rolls her eyes at me and tells me even a jackass looks good at 16.
:D
by god! did i burst out laughing once i got over my speechlessness.... heyy come ON, that WAS a first.
i had certainly never been compared to a jackass before !!!

well anyhooo i'd say there are worse things than looking like the psychotic woman on the ring movie. which i haven't watched...aah well.

QoD
"you say psycho like its a bad thing"

a OnE niGHt sTaND to sAve mE

mebe my next post should be in kannada :D would take me forever to read the first line even !
oh by the way i was reading this blog by Dr Mathai Fenn, a cousin of my friend. he's an ex-prof from XLRI. now i don't agree with everything he says.... but one thing is for sure. he definitely gives an interesting perspective you wouldn't have considered before.





and so i was discussing this whole tecahing thing. and he asked something very pertinent and funny
"do you want to go through life as a series of ONE NIGHT STANDS?"
:D hee thats funny.

mebe you shud read his blog. and i got the link somewhere and i'll give it to you sometime.. he's cool.

well this discussion is tabled for now. ok i have my driving test next week. so cheers! here's to hoping i don't scream in high falsetto during my test and scare the crap outa the tester.

tHe DeViL iS iN tHE dETaiLs

M says i have difficulty differentiating between fantasy and reality.
actually his exact words were
"you're such a moron. you have trouble bridging the gap between your fantasy world and the real world and your a fool for not being able to appreciate what you have."
ok OK I might have embellished a little.....
:P

well obviously. this is regarding my happy lil african jaunt and my going back to india program.
well in some ways i agree. i mean some of his points are pretty logical and valid.

1. i don't have the experience - industry or life
2. i don't have the qualifications
3. i am a confused soul, so all the more reason why i should take my time thinking about this
( don't you hate it when your friends make so much more logical sense )

on the other hand, my mom was even more explicit.
her answer was that i was NOT to return. that on NO account should i even think about coming back. and to just forget about the whole deal. when i pointed out that this life was not what i wanted at all she had some real good advice on how to deal with it. she actually put it very succintly, "suck it up. if ur bored, well learn to deal with it. life is all about getting bored. in fact, trust me, you get married, you'll be bored as hell. its one long bore"
[ thnx mooom <> way to convince me ]

i didn't hear anything after that. coz by then i was crying. [ but don't worry she didn't know ]
oh well. must be the moon and the lunar eclipse again.
or like M says i probably need some estrogen pills !

:D

heh thats funny.

well? who knows?? it cud be the right diagnosis..... makes more sense than anything else I'VE heard today.

ps: do you know what ಅ pain it ಇಸ್ ಟು write ದಿ post today?? it ocnverted every damn thing ಟು ಕನ್ನಡ and i had to reselect each ವರ್ಡ್ ಟು change ಇಟ್ back.
pps: today's post ಇಸ್ dedicated to M who is now the current bestest KoA. yaaay!!!! ^_^

iN tHe naMe oF vaNiTY

vanity thy name is ... thy name is ...
ME !!

ok ok its woman. not me.
but am i really vain, if i'm aware of my vanity?? ok watever. so the big deal is that i got a haircut AND straightened my hair. ok so mostly everyone thought it was awesome. 2 didn't like it and atleast one person thought my hair was too gud for my face [ k that wud be me :P ]. anyways its NOT permanent. coz its 200 dollars and 4-5 hours in the salon. [ ya right. u KNOW i'm already calculating how many books i can buy with that money... ]

"wat are u doing in the evening? i need a favor. i need you to come with me to the mall"
"me?? oh nothing. just another relaxing sunday i guess. what do you need? k i can come"

..
..

"l tell me why are we here?"
"oh i need to ask the saleswoman to test some hair extensions on you... and take a video so i can replicate it for my sister's wedding...and..."
"_________" [ mind has gone blank. i have to wear hair from random ppl?? and ur gonna take a video of wat?? ]
"wait are u gonna put something wierd in my hair. wait, i don't want hairspray. wait, i mean just a sec.... can we talk about this? wait.. oww, heyy that hurt. wait... i mean why do i.. oww oww OWW. man, careful willya? u just pulled out a hair. heyyy just a sec......owwww"

..
..
an hour later

"man am i glad thats over. those looked kind of nice. did u buy a lot of them?"
"yeah about 200 dollars"
[ appalled silence. you KNOW what i'm already calculating. oh wait i just did the math on that this morning ]
"you spent 200 dollars on FAKE hair and hair ornament thingies??"
"yeah.. had to....i mean considering she's got swaroski crystals as her jewelry and in her sari..."
[ appalled silence. ppl DO that??? ]

wwat?? wat recession??

ppl are busy sewing crystals into 50 grand saris.. how can there BE a recession in the middle of such madness.

ok now ur gonna tell me i'll do the same, be the same on MY wedding day. well now your heaving a sigh of relief that i can atleast TALK about my wedding day without barfing on your shoes anymore. yes yes i too will turn into a mindless blubbering fool female who will coo and exclaim over every single.... single... gemstone?
yes yes. get in line pal. your not the first and you haven't said anything i aint heard yet :P

oh alrite i admit. its nice. weddings on the whole. happy occasions. everyone happy. yada yada yada. gud luck to u both. and if u lose ur job coz of the recession, u can always sell one of your hairclips and live on it for a couple of months.....

dUde pEopLe aRE STariNG

how do you tell someone gracefully that their fly is open???

there were a few cases... how do you tell a professor, that errr... he's like in front his whole class, with what are suspicious circumstances. if he's your advisor does it become your responsibility ??

:P ok i copped out on that one ... but were u in the same position ever? an either side of the coin??

man that wud be embarassing for both :O on a lighter note...

gEtTinG iN thE zONe

u know wat ur supposed to do in your life?

something that makes your blood hum. if not downright sing.

it cud be cars, it cud be books, it cud be space rockets or dinosaurs or cats. [ no i didn't say you shud DO dinosaurs or cats, ha ha very funny ]
but to spend all day in the zone.
u know they actually have a definition for it. its what the old renaissance masters did. they'd go into the Zone. and thats how they'd get all those masterpieces out.



the zone is defined as a state where you're not aware of time... your lost in the task. u forget yourself and get completely immersed in what your doing. its not when u look at the clcok evey 4 hours wondering when the day will end. its not where you get so bored, you think you might have blacked out your entire morning. its kind of the same state you might reach with weed. but i wudnt know never having done any weed. [ mebe u shud ask K, he's a regular weed guy :P ]

i've been in the zone many times. so i know it exists. when i write. when i paint. when i read. and very very rarely when i work. or mebe i shud say worked. college stuff.
find your zone and that should be your job. and mebe you'll not be very good at it, but atleast you'll be happy.

ok now hold on. i didn't mean you got to quit your day job and become a burger flipper for McD's!!!

aRt of fisHiNG

i once knew this person.

every time he wanted to cuss, he'd say fish.
like 'ohhhhh fish' or 'fish that' or 'fish off' [ wtf?? ]

after a while it got pretty annoying. he probably thought he was being cute, u know..... besides he was hitting on my roommate. which was funny coz she didn't like ppl who cussed! [ i mean it WAS 6 years ago.... practically the middle ages :P ]. and mebe thats why, he never ever said anything except fish in front of her.

i had recently gotten over my habit of cussing coz i was tired of the strange looks ppl gave me everytime i said 'goddamn it to hell' whenever i stubbed my toe on a piece of furniture or some such thing. [ i was a clumsy teenager. who am i kidding. i'm still a clumsy ummm not-teenager? ]. but it was mysore and i was trying so hard to not say 'f*ck you' everytime someone annoyed me, and then along comes this person who thinks its - oh so cute, to say 'oh fish' all the time. and all i wanted to do was plant a fist in his face.

:O k let me calm down now.

but heyy, will ya just say it already. my room mate already has a boyfriend dude.
its a lost cause. give it up already. and its creepier coz in my head i'm already subbing fish for f*ck and man do u swear a lot!!
mebe that's why she won't go out with u.

tHe sCARy 'K' wOrD

got a friend. he's off to Kashmir.
he's been around. oh did i forget to mention he's a lieutenant in the Indian army.

he's been around. all over the country. Orissa for sure i think. most of the time he's posted in Pune. he's a cool guy. not only for being in the army. otherwise too ^_^

i could almost here the disapproval in his voice when i first told him i was going to the US to study... he was like "your leaving?? really?"
i think he was mollified to learn WHY i really wanted to get here....

yeah.... he was glad to know that i still remember the reason.. it might take a few years to get back. but then all gud things take time huh ?
i figure here is the one person, who can understand. what i'm talking about. u know? about the teaching thing. he had to go through a lot of flak too. u know? for joining the army.

i wanted to join the army once. i wud have, if i cud ever have done that physical test thing without collapsing on myself. or if the army took women.

oh well. guess its a phase everyone goes through till they beat the sense back into you....

but what was i saying??
oh ya he's off to Kashmir. sigh. thats dicey. Kashmir.
man i hope he's ok.

gud luck Ashish.C
i'd look for your email when you get back.

oN abSentMinDEdNeSs

your absent minded professor Cuthbert when -

1. you forget your wallet in the office, on the desk... and don't remember, until midnight.
OR you shut down your computer and walk out to the parking lot only to realize your laptop is still sitting on your desk. [ you were just walking around with an empty bag. "the bags awfully light today..." ]

2. you get into an elevator and then wonder if its broken before realizing you haven't pressed any button. [ its been 10 minutes and your just standing in a stalled elevator like an idiot moron ]

3. you live in a studio apartment, forget to lock your front door and your drunk neighbor gets confused and walks in at 2 AM, scaring you sh*tless [ coz ur in bed and ur bed is like 2 feet from the front door. did i not mention the stupidio appt thing?? ]

4. you pay 1000 rupees in fines coz you've forgotten to pay your exam fees AND you remembered a month late.

5. you've forgotten your mom's birthday 10 years in a row. [ congratulations. you have now reached the level of pond scum ]

6. you regularly almost walk into the 6 foot ppl in your office. [ wat?? how can you NOT see the 6 ft ppl :O ]

7. you walk into a class and realize you've forgotten that it's the final exam that day. you don't even have a pen on you.

8. you've run out of gas atleast 3 times in 6 months and had to push the darn moped to the nearest gas station. [ i meant to fill up at the next station that i saw... ]

9. you start mixing up your memories with stuff that's actually happened to ur friends.
"did you actually do that?"
"i think so..."

10. you keep quoting ppl and recollecting stuff that happened to you, but your no longer sure if it really happened/you really heard them say it or if it was all a dream.

LisTen tO a vOicE

she may be a world class idiot. but then her voice is unfortunately solid gold.

oh by the way, we crossed 500 posts on the blog. yaaay ^_^
i can't believe i'm capable of producing so much.... errrr ok forget that.
:P

i think i know how this thing works now.
1. u don't get to sleep. ever. if its not one thing, then its another. hysterical women calling up at 4 in the morning? am taking it all in stride now.

2. ur not supposed to talk unless things are 'fixed'. apparently ur not supposed to expose yourself... errr i mean all your wierdness to the other side. so basically u can't actually say anything till u decide, and i don't really see how you can decide without saying anything. i mean wouldn't that be like.... some kind of criminal thing like staying-mum-with-intent-to-mislead??
but thats just me. i like to lay everything on the table.....just so i can't be held liable in a class action law suit later on. also i like to shock ppl. and ramble...
ok now i get it. why i'm supposed to keep my mouth shut.

3. parents are about just as confused as the rest. they'll defer to u. u defer to them. ppl run around like chickens with their head cut off. ppl meet each other 3000 miles away. guys parents see girl. girl's parents may or may not get to see the guy. girl meets guy. guy meets girl. all this meeting. all this chit chatting. no one knows wats happening. guys parents check the house of the girl [ wat? are u marrying the house?? wat do u care?? ] girls uncle's aunt has an opinion. guy's maternal aunt has an opinion...

4. haven't heard of any case beyond this point. so this list is incomplete. coz i have no sources. its all about the sources :P


on another note, just saw this ad. cash for your used text books. ha! fat chance.
you'll have to pry my books from my cold dead fingers. >_<
if i cud i'd take them to the afterlife with me. in fact THAT's my secret project. which i work on , on sundays. "how to take your books with you to your after life"

ok i gotta run. like literally. S said he'd gimme a ride home

NeeD tO waKE uP

oh and you wonder why i have nothing new to write.

its 4:16 and she wakes me up again.

no really. YOU TEACH HER to convert time.

sigh.


did you check out photofunia or whatever??

wHo LovES aNonYMouS?

the really sad part of hvaing a kindergarten reunion, was the guy who started contactng ppl, and trying to make the groups?? no one could remember him.

i mean he was this really sweet guy. who had this class picture, and was trying to bring everyone together. and he remembered EVERYone. hunting for them online, reminding them, creating the yahoo group, etc etc.
it usually went like -
"heyy u rem me? i'm XYZ, from youe 2nd std class!!"
"ummm no, not really"
"heyy u know, i was in the class along with this and this and this"
"heyyy ya... NOW i remember" [ faking it so as to not hurt the feelings of your childhood buddy ]

but then ofcourse this one guy DID remember him. and then we were all happy to see each other again. and everyone was glad that XYZ had brought us together...yaaay.
and with the girls it was the usual "OMG i can't believe this, do u remember how we did this... and how we did that..." and more online shrieking and laughing and all that hoohaa.
guys were more circumspect.
"watsup dude. good to see u"
"yup"
"yup"

and after all that. and 20 years. and finding out how differently we had all turned out. it WAS kind of wierd.
the toppers of the class then were engineers, architects, not so many doctors for some reason. mid rung guys [ purely academically ] were lawyers, business management, gemologist, air hostess etc. there was someone in marketing. music composer, hotel management.... some hard core party drinkers, one lesbian.......

some ppl still studying. masters, mba, that kind of stuff. most were in the US....

all very interesting. and then there was the awkward silence where we didn't have anything to say. and finally the silence widened and got so huge. no one knew how to bridge the gap anymore. its also wierd, but i really didn't want to meet them.

anyways. the point of the post was the anonymity some ppl have. no one knew XYZ. but EVERYone remembered another guy STR. he wasn't the most liked. just that everyone remembered him. i was somewhere in between. some ppl remembered me. like my best friends. not all the guys. most of the girls. i was kind of shy back then.

for the rest of my life, thats what i thought i was. always a bit of an intravert u know. just famous amongst my friends for being crazy, but relatively unknown to the popular crowd. that illusion was shattered when i was standing in indaranagar waiting for a bus to go somewhere. this girl keeps turning back and looking at me. and i didn't really notice.
and then she walks up to me and goes "excuse me, aren't you ________??"

i was aghast.

good lord, am i on some illegal websites somewhere, with my head sticthed to someone else's body?? [ its unfortunate that's the first thought that occurred to me. yes yes i KNOW. mind in the gutter and all that. BUT STILL :O ]

"umm yeah, but i'm sorry do we know each other"
"oh no. not really. i'm from NIE, the other famous college in mysore"
"oh and how did u know me"
"oh i'd heard about u in the hostel"

[ waaaaaaaaaaaaaat. hostel?? HOSTEL?? why are random ppl from other colleges discussing me in their hostels?? heyy as far as I KNOW, i have not done anything worth notice. i'm blending in with the wall. this is me, trying to ble---nnn-d in. i don't want to be notorious, popular or anything. i have enough ppl trying to send me to the mental institute or suggesting psychiatric services already... hmmmph.... ]

and while i looked on flabbergasted at her, she gave me a kind pitying smile....just when i was about to ask her to tell me more... that's when the bus arrived and she left.

:O

oh btw if ur looking for random stuff to do and your bored on a monday morning,
check out
photofunia.com

mAKinG iT hAPpeN - 4

oooh this is gud. ppl are asking questions. questions are gud.

ofcourse it helps if u already have the answers.
you don't really believe me do you, when i say i've been thinking of this for the last 15 yrs??

1. 30 yrs down the line i do not imagine myself sitting in an office. with a phd or a MS or a MBA. i don't see myself in a career. in meetings. coding. not coding. heck i can't even imagine myself doing it 2 yrs down the line. it doesn't matter. if i try to picture myself working in a company on any level of the rat race, i feel like ... well lets not get graphic. i haven't even had brkfast yet.
ask any of my closest friends, i'd have told them that at 40 i wanted to be teaching. IN INDIA not the US. so my life long goals are pretty much aligned to wat i'm trying to do now or is it the other way around. nyways i've always wanted to teach.
so 30 yrs down the line i see myself in a classroom, or already having started an NGO or a school or some such thing.
that one is a no brainer and hands down, i have the answer.

2.its for the experience. and the exposure and etc. and thats going on my cover letter too.

3. hmmmm yeah. i'll get back to this later. to the q i mean.

4. i c wat ur saying here. but lets think about it. what problems? marriage? wat? i don't get it. wat problems do i have that i'm running away so drastically? now wud u have the same question if i said i was going to india to do this?
ok so when i went to inteview in this company in NY for a job. one of the questions they asked was if we won a million dollars in the lottery, wat wud we do with the money. i was the only non-geek present, who said i'd start a school in a remote village. actually, i'd use the money to start a model of a low cost self sufficient school, that cud be maintained by the community. and then that model cud be replicated around the country. basically appplying the microfinance model to education? yup yup and you'd probably have to think about how part of the school programme would include the education of the parents of the community. well more than education it wud be educating them about making informed choices. [ heyy thats gud. thats going on my business plan when i finally get round to it ]

so i don't understand what u mean my problems. my question to u is. i have problems?? and i need to run away from them??
see marriage is not a problem. its a choice. now i'm not running away form marriage by going to africa. that's real stupid. :D it also sounds hillarious. and now we can come back to prev point. well.
i don't know. all i'd say is tough luck. obv the pool wud get smaller. but the pool is already very tiny. see everyone has a vision about how they're life shud be. right?
but
"ur dreams are only limited by your imagination."

so maybe i can't find someone who thinks this way. and who understands. well tough luck. maybe marriage is not for everyone. [ don't tell my mom. she's definitely gonna get hysterical if she finds out i blogged this out :P 'waaaaat you put it online where anyone can see it?? omg take it out take it off' ]
but till now most of her machinations to get me married off has consisted of hare brained schemes of -
"just shut ur mouth and don't talk to much. u can do wat u want after ur married" [ !!:O ]
"and don't tell them ur hare brained idiot notion of how you'd rather adopt than have kids" [
well i never said i'd never have kids. i mean if he had real kool DNA i was impressed with.... he he :D ]
"and don't tell them u plan to leave a high pay lucrative job to become a teacher"
"and don't tell them u want to go back to school" [ to get a second degree in psychology. mebe. i'm still considering it. doesn't look like its happening though ]
"they're all crazy ramblings of a child. you'd never be here if it wasn't for me pushing you" [ more's the pity i'd say ]

so am i a poet? am i fool? am i a hopeless dreamer with fantastical ideas? its possible that i am.
my aunt said 25. she expected me to get my head on straight at 25. to finally grow up. well i'm 25 now.... and one month. NOW do you believe me, now that i'm finally 25?? and not pretend i'm just a foolish kid with impossible dreams??

and i have a question to u.
do you think more people don't do this kind of stuff, coz they're afraid? afraid of rocking the boat. of the unknown. of stepping out of their comfort zone? coz of fear?? these are excuses. cop outs.
so i might fail. failing is ok. when i've atleast tried honestly. don't you think? and well ive been lucky. i don't have circumstances like an ailing parent or huge debts. obv i wudnt drop such things. do you really think ppl are free to make any choices they want? no.
u need to be lucky to be able to really make true choices.
everyone has to find a balance with wat they'd like to do and wat life allows them. well i'm lucky if they both align.


but then again. i don't have a job offer yet. so lets see.

mAkinG it haPpen - 3

ok so there are loads of things to consider. an updated resume. check out the diff places to apply.

oooh guess what. R has promised to help. apparently he knows ppl who know ppl who can totally help me. well there's a sign RIGHT there!

the first step is to put ur thoughts out in the universe. so that the universe can make a note of what you want and help you get it. crazy talk. yes i know. but sometimes it kind of works. remember that wierd secret movie which i haven't watched yet???

ok so resume. done.
next is to learn french.
i have some problems in just dropping everything right now. job. project. need to clear some debt off first. so i'm thinking 3 months. that's gonna give me enough time to reconsider. right?
and then i have this whole bunch of people playing devil's advocate trying to change my mind. i figure if i can convince them, then i'm set. u know?

i don't think its such a radical change to do this in india. i think its very doable. but i just want the experience of a couple of yrs in another country too. t'will be gud i think. lets see.

anyways where were we. oh ya. loads of loads of opposition. thats on one side. the other is that i might not even get selected.

so wat are the main obstacles ??

there's potential visa issues.
the fact that i don't know any UN languages.
my age. my gender
no MSW no social working experience.
my mom.
uhhhh the whole M word and plans for it. prob get tanked forever. [ like who wud WANT to get leg shackled to ME??? esp after THIS! :O ]
can u think of anything else??

wat do i have going for me??
i have an MS from a cool college.
i KNOW i want to do this. so for the first time, i'm actually showing some enthusiasm in building my resume and interviewing.
no major financial problems/obligations.
my age. this is kind of the perfect time. no? well atleast i'm single.
i have some serious english, math and science skills.
i'm not all THAT materialistic. i can live without clothes, phones, etc etc. ok mebe not email. but i guess limited connection? no? oh well... the price we pay... no matter.
i can finally be satisfied that i'm doing wat i was born to do. stop pretending to be someone i'm not.
can't think of anything else....

well?
u think i've not thot it through.

arguments ppl have thrown at me in the last 2 days. [ haven't told that many ppl ]
-shocked silence
-you did ur MS with such gr8 difficulty in such a big college and now u want to do WAT ?
-you haven't thought it through. its a pipe dream.
-you think you can go against your family [ the biggest obstacle so far ]
-its not all glamourous and idealistic. ppl get disillusioned. do u have the mental fortitude for it
and still counting.

its gud i put up everything here. handy reference.
well lets see. all i say is i'm going to make the effort. what will be, will be.

:P
shalom

mAkinG iT haPpeN - 2

boy i didn't even last 24 hours. now did i?
but i wasn't maybe saying good bye to YOU. maybe it was for something else

but i had to get my head on straight. and it took me 3 days. [ ha! look who's talking about a straight head ]
well anyways i feel a lifetime has passed since last wednesday. every single minute crystal clear and i'm aware of the whole wide world out there.

no no no. i'm not drunk or high or doped up to my eyeballs....
but i kind of remembered. hit me like a lightning flash. remembered why i had done all the things i had done till now. my masters. so far from home.... blah blah blah
why i wanted to do a phd desperately. why i decided against it.

why i held off for so long....trying not to brood about it.

well finally. on wednesday it hit me. there's no reason i can't start now. i've done all i can to prepare. actually i haven't learnt french yet. [ one imp thing i missed along the way ]

what AM i talking about? oh its the teaching i wanted to get into. so i've taken the first step. started applying to NGOs. ok so most of the NGOs are for Africa. now don't freak out. i know its a lil out there. but you see. its not that difficult to think about. just let it settle down for a second. i'm not saying i'll be there forever you know... just a year or 2. and then i'll go back to india and continue there.

oh they don't pay nuts. i know... i know. and there's a good chance i'll probably get kidnapped/malaria/dengue fever/something something. but watever man. i have to do this. its either this or .. well there is no or.

i'm wincing at the idea of telling my mom. [ ha! ] can u imagine the ruckus. no i can't. but i'm thinking. its a choice. so i got to convince her. and maybe i can drive a bargain u know.

its something i've been thinking about since i was 12? 14? i don't know. maybe something isn't all set right in my brain. but i don't see what's wrong going for a year to angola to teach english. they'll give me some food. a place to sleep. what else you need? i dunno.
ok so i'm not a fool. i know it'll be hard. but this is where my passion is. aren't we supposed to do what we love? i MOST DEFINITELY don't love INTEL. not IMAGE PROCESSING. ugh. double ugh. its just a way to get money pal. its just a job. not a passion. ok so its pathbreaking exciting work. yes yes i see that. but i don't identify with it. don't love it. don't breathe for it. don't dream of it. u see where i'm going here?

so.... do you still think its crazy?
ya i guess you do. well i'll have to convince a whole load of ppl. join the line.
and who's to say i'll even GET a job in an NGO???? mebe they don't even want a kook like me. you know....

sigh. gesundheit.
but boy oh boy! since i made the decision to try, has my soul been singing!!
:D

saYiNG guDbyE

it somehow feels wrong to just up and leave without saying goodbye.





so here it is.

i'm off. to parts unknown.

and i don't know when i'll be back. and i wish you well and all that jazz.
and the very last thing i can say to you is
keep the faith.

luv,
QoD (Sheethal Bhat)

uNdeR tHe wEAtheR

i feed terrible. i hab a bad baad cold. < phoooonk blowing my nose >

and K boke me ub ad dree in d mornin

sniff sniff

ab i jus wann go hobe !! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
:'(

waLK tOWardS tHE liGhT

ppl are frightened creatures.
they're always afraid.

afraid of being mocked for their beliefs, their feelings. afraid of letting others in, of telling others what they really think.
afraid of taking a chance. of the unknown.

i'm not saying i'm not in the same boat. just that i'm more aware than you probably are... that we're in a boat in the first place.

lets see all the things we're afraid of...

-afraid of being mocked for what we think , so we never let anyone know the real us. what we're really thinking...
-afraid of living alone and being alone and dying alone.
-afraid of being rejected, so we never tell the person next door that we have a crush on them.
-afraid of standing out, of rocking the boat. so even though we don't want to, we go along with some crazy wild drunk night out plan or let ppl walk all over us.
-afraid that if we don't be the way others want us to be, then we won't be liked/loved. and so we listen to our parents regarding what we study or get into mind numbing jobs or bow down to the dictates of society ( i'm told 98% of the rest of the population doesn't really suffer half the agony of spirit that i do, so my apologies to all u mindless drones out there )
actually i'm told that most ppl don't even realize they're afraid. and that more than half their decisions are based on some fear or the other.
[ its really easy to make sweeping statements like that isn't it? i'm told this and i'm told that. that way i don't really have to take the flak from that particularly nasty anon who keeps attacking my beliefs. see? i'm even afraid of HIM/HER ]

-afraid of feeling and failing and all the rest of it.
-afraid of what ppl REALLY think of us.
-afraid of what we don't understand. ppl we don't understand. of the unknown. of the uncertain.
-afraid of spending an hour just by ourselves. ok mebe 4 hours.. an hour i can handle :P

ok ok alrite. so u get the point. [ and i forget the rest of the list... ]
and stop pitying me. only a couple of the above points actually apply to me. the rest are all fears i've observed in ppl around me.

but seriously..... what ARE you so afraid of?? its just LIFE! :)
go on. go tell her you like her u ninny :P

tO pErk tHosE saGgiNg... ahEm!

trust me on this one.
listen to it a couple of times for it to grow on u.

its some serious, energy song ^_^

today is TOTALLY a dull day in portland. dull skies. dull weather. dull grey walls. high walled cubicles. [ the only gud thing about those is that i can literally do a zulu hoopla dance here and no one wud know ]

anyways, this song is just the pick me up we all need on a tuesday morning. wait let me replay it.... oh btw has anyone seen acharya? i seem to have lost him. as far as my exemely precise scientific calculations go, he's either a fugitive from justice in moscow or he's gone to the south pole to study the mating habits of penguins for his eternal search for the meaning of it all.

hmmm he isn't under this rock. i wonder where he went...

sKy waTcHinG

same friend of prev post took this in cabo too.

but this merits a post of its own

coz did i mention?
I LOVE SKIES

i love cloud gazing and star gazing and sky watching and anything related to lying on my back and staring at any kind of sky for HOURS
>_<



^_^

dReAM vAcaTioN

i don't know which one i like best.
my friend in Cabo and i hope she doesn't mind that i put up her pics here.

but i HAD to show you guys.

well now atleast I KNOW, where i'm off for my ahem, vacation.
;P




siiiiiiiighhhhh !!



oh man look at it!!



and this one :O



std disclaimer: i didn't take these. these were taken by a friend A.portland who works in my team.

sHuTtleWorTh, mY cRusH oN hiM

Shuttleworth the Ubuntu guy

is it any wonder i have a MASSIVE crush on this person .. this guy .. this billionare!!
:D

35, single, ex-cosmonaut ( he went to the moon!! :O )... i think that explains everything!!

oh come on. stop cringing! i'm finally growing up!! having AND admitting to a crush. its a MAJOR milestone.

ok the crush disappeared somewhere. by the time i reached home to complete this post.
sigh... why do they never last???

cUsSinG wiTh fAitH

due to my advanced years i can't remember if i put this song up before.

if i did, oh come on. stop being cranky and just listen to it again...



whats REALLY funny is if prim and propah ppl do something compLETELY unexpected.
i have this friend, N who's usually sweet and dignified. during one of my routine 'how you doing' roundups -

"heyy how you doing?"
"hmm frustrated with work"
"ohhh what happened N?" [ me being polite and solicitous as the gracious soul that i am ]
"oh this guy is sooo annoying. i feel like kicking him. Ass Licker!!! >_<"
flabbergasted silence on my end as i swear my jaw hit the floor!! did she just call him what I THOUGHT she had said. i think after a long time someone had managed to shock me speechless. i hadn't even HEARD that one before. ASS WAAAAAAt??? ]
ROFLMAO


another one was M's status message. no really. trust me i can't put it up. let me just say i DO NOT expect to open my gtalk status and expect to see the gud Pastor Mark quoting Ecclesiastes 9:10!
NY times news article on the racy evangelist
watever ur thinking , its much racier than that !!!

:D

a NiCe daY

my aunt says this song reminds her of me.

;P

have a gr8 week ahead ppl

note to self: bon jovi have a nice day

jObs aNd wHat To dO

everyone is worried about their jobs. [ ESPECIALLY me who's blogging instead of working ]

"what will you do if you lose your job? what can you do. what skills do you have?"
"i don't know...well, ummm i have a gud eye for photographs."
"oh are u a photographer?"
"no i meant, i can tell which snaps are gud" < friend rolling her eyes >
"right, anything else?"
"ummm i can write??"
"oh are u published? what do u write?"
"ummm actually mebe we shudn't go there.."

"so what can you do if u lose your job in this recession??"
"well actually i was thinking...."
"go on"
"there is this empty land in my native place.. u know. i cud mebe go there and farm...." < voice trailing off at flabbergast expression of my friend >


*****************

here you go. you can always count on the japanese to shock you into silence

Click Here

and click here to listen to the song, coz embedding is disabled
Bruce Springsteen we didn't start the fire

a SonG aNd mE

:P

another case of the draft with the video being around for more than a week, and me having no clue what that video is.

so anyways. listen to the song and then go ahead. i'm sure its a nice song... i think...umm.... i hope.

**********************

to all you folks out there who have formed this image of me from reading more than 400 posts on my blog, i have to tell u. i'm NOT AT ALL like what i write.

i'm actually this sweet unassuming kid who is very polite to ppl in general. very obedient to parents and extended family. don't talk back at all to well meaning lecturing types. i don't mock authority or reduce all serious ppl to a standing joke. i don't have a sarcastic bone in my body, in real life. i generally like to fade into the background and hope that i never stand out, like literally shrink back from ppl contact. i don't argue with ppl, i don't get confrontational at all. the quiet shy timid book wormish , wearing large glasses kansas kind of kid. i run away from any disagreement and disagreeing ppl. in fact i'm so timid, that tall ppl and ppl who laugh too loudly and ppl who slap you on the back as they speak actually scare me. i'm very very sensitive and have delicate sensibilities. and .... and ...... pbbbbfffffffftttttt

sorry cudnt keep up the straight face anymore :P
aaaah i crack myself up sometimes.....

most ppl tell me that they can't tell when i'm kidding and when i'm serious.
and i tell them,
"aaah therein lies the fun, in messing with ppl's head. u shud try it sometime. its pretty funny!!"
:P

dEad aS a dOorNaiL

some song.

aaaw man. i killed em.

i killed sweet delilah and watzis-name.

phoonnnnnnk < blowing loudly into the hankie > sniff sniff... and i watered dem too. sniff sniff.... waaaaaaaaaaaaah.. dis is soo saaaaaaaaaaaaad..... waaaaaaaaaah.. phoooonnnnnnnnnkk < blow again into soggy hankie >
now i jusd hab one left. and he doesn't look so habby eider.

i'b a terrible berson. < choke >
i killed em... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

sniff. i hobe dey're in a better blace now. [ THEY'RE PLANTS u IDIOT. they're just DUST now ]
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ... your so mean.....

hoLED uP iNsidE

black eyed peas - where is the love?

you know what would really solve all problems? if Israel built this HUGE dome like thing over their country. see, the way i look at it, they just got to do it once, see? and then mebe its concrete or mebe its reinforced missile proof glass? and they build this huge dome thing over themselves so they can't be attacked by cheap rockets or nuclear missiles. mebe they can harvest moon-rock or mars-granite or something. heck what do i know?

mebe all countries shud be doing that. and then we have gates where ppl can enter and very strict guards at the gates. not poorly-paid-easily-bribable-with-swiss-chocolates kind of guards, u know? i mean if i was a guard, i might get tempted by swiss chocolates.. you know?

ok mebe u shud have robot guards. coz mebe they're the only one's you can't bribe, see?
and then since the ppl in ur country can no longer see the sky, mebe u shud make the dome glass, coz otherwise its just prison. right?

mebe that wud help. no more bombing. no more problem.

waow, did i just describe hell??

actually. u never know. 200 yrs from now. thats exactly how we might be loving...woops i mean living. not us ofcourse. coz we'd be dead, unless there was a nuclear war and then we all turned mutants or something. mutants that lived for a cool 300 yrs.

K is TOTALLY banking on the world ending at 2012. ha! we wish!! i tell him, we can't be THAT lucky. :P

MaKinG iT hapPEn - 1

"what's this?"
"your online profile. you have to fill out the self description part.... write about urself, that sort of thing.... there's no limit on lines"
"i see. hmm. give the computer to me." [ dare we imagine what runs through her mind right now? ]

she is most definitely human.
also funny, with so advanced a sense of humour that most ppl don't get it. intelligent with so advanced a sense of... [ ok i already said that. how about this? ]
intelligent with such brilliance that she might blind you. warning - wear protective glasses. her radiance shines forth brightly like a thousand suns. [ think that will do it? ]
not at all modest ..oops i mean not at all IMmodest. is not Neurotic, Paranoid, Moody, an Extremist, mildly Manic [ boy am i on a roll here ] or self-absorbed. she MAYbe a lil OCD or a control freak. [ scratch that we don't want to use words like freak in self descriptions ]

"WAT?? wat r u doing?? u can't say all THIS. gimme back the computer" < snatched back >
"I'LL write for YOU"

did you write funny? [ right on top. actually thats ALL i have. funny. ]
well-read [ will bore you with hours of random trivia ]
articulate [ will insist on using incomprehensible legal jargon in every-day conversation ]
very friendly [ cross her and she will make your life a living hell (?!) ]
loving [ what the.... ]
caring [ i give up ]
beautiful [ on the planet of Zorgs?? SURE ]
"should i write that you love to eat salads here?" [ not if u really like ur teeth ]

"why are u so angry? so violent? its disturbing."
"can i quote you as my reference??"

iN HiS owN cOunTRy

God's own country
no really! some of it actually is!!

this was the time i went to kerala bout 4 years ago?? 3?
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
shhh shhhh
not so loud >_<

my mom doesn't know
:D

sAy THanK YoU niCeLy

i got all my gifts, b'day gifts through the mail... yaaay !! ^_^
its awesome. overall a good haul this year :P

thnks! R for the CnH book. and thnx K for the Webcam. ooh ooh thnx S&M for the chocolates. they're a big hit all over :)
oh and the THANX GUYS for the ITOUCH >_< thats sooo coool !!! [ woohoo ]
and thnx A for the makeup set [ i get the hint ] and the perfume and the purse and the tote bag....

and thnx Mom for the wierd and hideous earrings < voice trailing off > ummm i mean the wonderful and awesome earrings.

hmmm u know how women turn on the waterworks at the slightest criticism of themselves. no no i'm not saying i'm the exception to that rule. if anything i'd say i was the Queen of that. boy can i NOT take any criticism. ok there's only one criticism i will take and thats of my atrocious spelling. mainly since i make it up as i go along. but other wise.... heyy i already gave you the bad spelling, why do u have to take the rest of it from me as well. [ and by it i mean my i imaginary awesome characteristics like kindness [[ ha! ]], wealth of patience [[ double ha!! ]], maturity [[ oh pleeeease ]] and general awesomeness [[ pls wait while alter ego recovers from hysterical maniacal laughter ]] ]

no but seriously. u really can't tell women that u think they have hideous taste. if u want to tell them, u need to have the diplomatic skills of a UN ambassador between Israel and Palestine [ did i or did i not predict the end of days?? ]. lets come back to the topic. which is the unfortunate plight of hapless guys as they try to tell their female friends/wives/soulmates something the women don't want to hear.

"why are u nodding your head in agreement to what she said? i thought u liked this dress!!"
[ when i 'accidentally' blurted out the dress reminded me of monkeys dancing on a totem pole and the guy was 'accidentally' and frantically nodding his head ]
"DO you or do you NOT like my sense of style?"
[ aaaah brave is the man who can walk into that! ]
"do these jeans make me look fat??"
[ ok here's an imp tip for the right answer. th-e-re IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. quick make a dash for the nearest exit. or you can always pretend a heat attack and have the EMT's take you away ]
"do you like this dress? i LOVE it. do you like it?"
[ just keep nodding ur head men. if YOU think u can be clever and ad lib. your WRONG. ]
idiot moron: "yeah i like it"
"what? L-I-K-E? you don't have to be sarcastic!"
"i wasn't!!!" [ haplessly protesting. conversation rapidly going downhill. guy beginning to develop that tic under his right eye ]
"no i know YOU. u made that face when u said it. why don't you like my dress? tell me why u don't like it. do you think i shud return it and shop for another piece?"
"no no this dress is perfect. its PERFECT. it highlights your best features..." [ he's thinking -> oh GOD another 4 hours of mind numbing shopping? anything but that. wear a potato sack for all i care ]
"thats it. you don't like this dress. i'm exchanging it. come on, lets go to macy's. and this time you have to be there while i try them on. so u can select what you like."
[ i TOLD YOU TO JUST NOD YOUR HEAD AND NOT SAY A WORD you DUMBASS. ]

i know plenty of such golden tips. but then they're another post. some other day. mebe today? who knows!
:P

thnx ma for the earrings. they're perfect! [ which just means that if i crib, then i have to buy my own earrings, and i'm too dumbass lazy to do THAT ]

QoD

tEAch tHeM eARLy

kids are awesome in one respect. they pick up stuff real fast.

they also love to annoy adults.

combine the 2 ideas and voila! we now have my 6 year old cousin...

- walking around and shouting random questions at odd times.
"who are you?"
"why are you here?", "what is the purpose/meaning of it all??"
you shud see their faces. nothing like existential 6 yr olds to get your goat. also guarentees that they get distracted from all that yelling about cleaning ur room.

- lamenting "oh the tragedy of seperation, how do i bear it" < palm on her forehead > when asked to stop watching TV and go to her room. this, done in the highly dramatized fashion of shakespear and voila! they'll be laughing so hard u get 15 minutes of extra TV till they catch their breath.

- singing the '99 bottles of beer on a wall' song all the way through on a road trip. heyy its a gud way to pass the hours and also, you DID tell her not to keep asking "are we there yet".

- walking around saying "elementary my dear Watson" when her mom asks her something.
"did you take a bath yet"
"elementary my dear Watson"
"drink your milk and get ready for school"
"elementary my dear Watson"
:D

- speaking in a heavy fake french accent and substitute madam instead of mom.
"finish your food"
"yez maadaaam"
"no playing till you write homework"
"yezz maadaam"

- learning the importance of bagaining instead of crying for what she wants.
"i will tell you where i hid your work phone, if you allow me to watch TV for another half hour."

i hafta say. kids are plain awesome. or mebe its just my cousins :P
he he he

gOaLs fOR thE yeaR

what are your life goals? [ as my esteemed relatives asks ]

mine? its to become LORD of the known UNIVERSE. heyy no one said we had to dream small. u know?? the slogan. dream BIG.

oh ok i'll get serious....
i want to attain enlightenment. u know. like Buddha. then what the heck am i doing here?? in portland?? i shud be under some tree eating ants!
>_<

but wait. before the bark and ants eating stage, i want to make some money [ to buy books ofcourse ], travel the world once [ not many times, i don't want to be greedy ] and learn how to fly a fighter jet [ heyy as long as we're dreaming... ]
THEN i'll do the whole moksha-eternal-life thing.

..

..


what??


ok ok u know i wasn't serious. stop plotting on how to bring me down. i can't become lord of the known universe in this life. i'd need ATLEAST three. but then again. i don't understand why i'm required to have life goals which are pre-approved by you and the rest of society. why do i have the goals handed to me and all i get to do is adjust the timeline a lil bit. mebe i want something more. mebe YOU want something more.
"your dreams are only limited by your imagination ppl"

ps: no u don't get me. the argument is NOT that i won't conform. the argument is that i need to put in a bucketload of effort to conform. and all i'm saying i'm too lazy-ass to do that, and i'd rather be fast asleep or watching cartoons. yaaawn.

wHo arE wE kiDdiNG?

happy new year guys.
yeah its a very sober and wary greeting. i am generally very suspicious of new beginnings. how do you know its gonna be good?? it already promises to be a whopping pain in the ass for me.

manager: tell me what you achieved the last couple of months.
me: more than 250 posts in my blog?? < wince >

uncle: this year you HAVE to make it happen.
me: ummm sounds like a gene modification project. what am i making happen.
uncle: don't crack jokes missy, this is serious. you have to make a plan. tell me what your life goals are. for example my wife's were to have kids before 30.
me: ummm to see the whole world before i die and to build a huge library.
uncle: what about kids.
me: what about them?
uncle: < frustated now > you know. the biological clock. tick tock. we had this discussion last time.
me: [ yes i very painfully remember. can't we move on?? ] sigh. i plan to adopt if i miss the boat??
< appalled silence >

"ok thats it, i'm creating a profile in your name... hmm lets see....'
"name. ok."
"age. ok."
"complexion... wats your complexion? heyy wife what's her complexion. ok fair. stop cringing and squirming. everyone has to do this. what do you mean you feel like throwing up. you've only seen the register form yet. what do you mean? you feel like a cabbage in a vendor stall... bosh thats nonsense. sit still."
"hmmm ok.. so far so gud"
..
..
"ok here we go, describe yourself." < looking at me > "well go ahead"
< i'm really, REALLy wishing i'd get struck by a lightning bolt >
"i dunno. just fill anything. can i go now? the avatar cartoons are coming up..."
"gud lord!! cartoons???, why can't you focus on something else besides books and cartoons"
"but its season THREE!! and a very good battle scene..." < me hopelessly trying to change the subject and distract him from that register form >

anyways the end of that story is that i convinced him i'd complete it in portland and to let that one go. though i managed to neutalize one id, another always keeps popping up. i feel like i'm playing whack-a-mole here. hmmmph. oh well u can't really cry over stuff u can't change...
:-/

mother: u better get married this year, else i'm off to kashi.
me: there's a better chance i'd go to kashi than you. mebe i shud rethink...
mother: oh god, don't start THAT again. why don't we wait for another 6 months.