gEntLe aFtERnoOn

so i have this grad friend of mine, R___.
and the poor dear is also caught in the macabre death dance that is most commonly known as 'arranged-marriage-groom-hunting-parents-turning-nuts-syndrome'

now she tells me what's going on in her house these days, and i feel like.
i feel like telling her that her parents are nuts. insane in fact. i know i know.
it doesn't help to tell anyone that they come from genetically idiotic stock.
but come ON.

what are they thinking??? driving a young female to despair and tears???
[ rolling eyes here ]
ofcourse now if u come and tell me a story such as this, all i can do is crack a really inappropriate joke. hey, humor is the only defense i got against this universe :-|

on the other side , the groom's enterprising sister [ who i'm sure means well ] sets up AND heads up the interrogation task force.
"do u have a webcam" [ u mean the 10 million photographs her parents showed u aren't enough ?? ]
"i really wanted to see your face"
"i was hoping we could have a video chat"
"can we do the video chat tomoro??" [ lets not get desperate here ]

come ON woman. think of something else to say.
"what are ur interests?"
"list your hobbies" [ and here starts the brow beating ]
"so apart from work, what are your likes and dislikes" [ oh... now i wonder if she considers work a like or a dislike ]
"do you like to spend more time at home or outside??" [ how the F*** is this relevant when R____ hasn't even MET your ****** brother?? ]
"looks like ur very busy with work and have lots of friends" [ what exactly is upsetting about this? ]
"how long do you plan to be in the US?" [ again, lady isn't this something the girl and guy shud be discussing?? ]
"are you adaptable" [ in terms of wat ? food, climate, people, pets??? oh this was an actual rejoinder by R____. way to go R____!! ]
"tell me about your siblings" [ btw is she under arrest?? then she has the right to legal counsel ]
"do you fight with your sister who is 10 years younger than you" [ WTF ?? your honor I object on grounds of prosecution being an idiot ]

and finally
"are you interested in this proposal" [ NO. NO in capital letters. NO in a thousand different languages. NO, the voices in my head are screaming so loud, my head might just explode, NO. NO, not if this was the last possible match on earth and if the consequences of saying no was eternal damnation in hell, NO ]

unfortunately I understand R____ can't really say all this to anyone. but i can say it for her.
i totally get you R____. let me know if you want me to sic my patented eqyptian curse on any of them.

this post is dedicated to the silent screaming voices in R's head.

****

oh btw on a random note, this list is really funny and sooo true !!
sorry ppl i couldn't resist posting it :P
Signs of a US returned Techie