riNg thE bELls bRiGHt anD eaRLy

me: ok that's it. i've decided. we've reached a breakthrough here....i'm getting married this year.
mom: OMG are you serious?? u'r FINALLY ready?? i'm so happy. so that's why i called u know. there is this guy in....
me: no no lets get this straight. i'm not ready. but i had this horrrrible HORRIBLE vision in my head of myself.... 5 years down the line..... you WAKING ME UP ON A SUNDAY MORNING to TALK ABOUT GUYS. aaaaaaaaaaaargh. that's a HORRIBLE FUTURE. i'd just as soon blow my brains out. i can't take this for another 5, 10, 50 years. it's my life or my sleep. i chose sleep. alright that's it. pick one, point me at someone. if they're able and willing to marry me and of sound mental health while they make that choice. its fixed. consider it fixed. let's just get ON WITH IT SO I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP.
mom: so are you ok with this guy?? thot you didn't like him...
me: no no no not liking someone is noooooo reason to reject an alliance!!!
the main 3 questions have to be asked.... is he able? is he willing? is he of sound mental health??
righto.
ring the bells. and lets get ON WITH IT.
mom: oh come on!! this is a question of your life here... no pressure. take your time.
me: take your.... < sputtering > woman!! we are losing valuable sundays here!!
do you know how many sunday mornings i have lost already???
there will be NO TAKING TIME. nyaaaaahhh life shmife. who cares...
mom: why can't you just find someone on your own. just say the word that you will, and i'll drop the whole thing tonight. and leave you to it.
me: what are YOU?? i've been saying that for the last 2 YEARS!! [ albeit in the wishful hope of being left alone and getting some sleep ... do you even hear a WORD i say??? ]
mom: maybe you can search for someone on the internet.
me: eeew eeeww eeeeeeeeeewwww i'm NOT trolling the internet for guys. the internet is sacred and not to be sullied with these shenanigans of yours.. YOU corrupt your time with the internet...
mom: [ losing interest in the direction this is going ] so what's your word on this guy. shall i give him your email id??
mom: yes yes. give it to THEM ALL. post it in the newspaper for all i care.
this is the frickin year. it is SO gonna happen. i don't even want to THINK about the fate of my sundays in 2010 if it doesn't happen this year. i GIVE UP. you have finally nagged me , beat me to submission. anything has to be better than this.
[ imagining me being woken up for the same reason, 2012, 2014, 2020.. aaaaaaaaaargh. brain meltdown.]


oh god. instinctive gag reflex.