hAVe tO gEt thiS oUT

This is a repeated video for sure. maybe a repeat post. but I don't care.
I HAVE to write this down.

this post is dedicated to all those who are away.
u'll see.

listen to the song while ur reading this. ofcourse the video has nothing to do with the post. its just the song.
its a writer's prerogative. don't worry i wudn't presume to say author's prerogative :-/

while i sit in my lab and look outside the window, its bright outside.
i think of where i am and how far i am from home.
i think of everything this place stands for and how different it is from home.

everyday people ask me incessantly.
"when are u going back?".
"ARE you going back ?"
"when are you coming back home?"
but no one asks, "WILL you be coming back home?" ...

thankfully.

For the folks back home. its not a question of 'IF' but a question of 'when'.

i think of this place....
calm.
cool.
regal.
clean.
cold.
sanitized , synthetic, plastic.
SUV's.
organized roads, organized lives.
azure pale skies.
land of the paleface.
self righteous of its importance in the world.

and think of home
messy.
noisy.
warm , hot, wet.
land of smells ...
i can smell my grandma's mango pickle ... my mum's biryani
see the riot of colors ...
holi , rangoli, feel bollywood everywhere u turn...
terrible roads
autos, autorik drivers, buses, bus drivers ...
smoke and smog
people
there's nothing neat about us.
nothing ordered or organized.
multiple languages !!!
people !!
land of songs..loud ..boisterous songs...
and us, all of us
impatient
ambitious
restless
clamoring for attention from the rest of the world.

the smell of wet earth
the paddy fields
the roasted nuts u get anywhere for 10 bucks
tea
skinny cats
college kids lounging around ..( worthless loafers... but hey i miss them too )
packed malls
vegetarian food
the crammed humanity that makes you cry out for one square foot of extra space on this god's green earth so we have a lil more elbow-room.
and you look around here.... oh yeah there's plenty of space all right.

what exactly are you pining for?

u know you complained when you were there. you waited to get out. you were curious to see the world at the very least. and now you've seen some of it. NOW what do you think ?
oh don't get me wrong. it's excellent here. like a golden cage.
very 'posh' some wud say.
they would.

so what exactly are you missing ?

close your eyes and think of the last time you were home. with your parents and uncles and aunts and cousins.
what were you doing? were you happy ?
did you have coffee that day ? how did it smell ??

i remember eating mangoes and jackfruits. remember sleeping under the stars. i remember SEEING stars!
loud voiced relatives i cudn't wait to get away from.
a grandma who .......
i remember a baby cousin. she must have grown now. i remember an aunt hugging me like she'd never let go.
i remember papad left out to dry, thinkin how nice it would taste with rasam. and drinkin tender coconut.
remember tender coconut ?
the feel of the rain on your skin and the smell of the wet earth.

friends.
going thrips on a bike in pouring rain to a dhaba to have icecream.
dhabas.
dhabas and friends.
running away from cops , getting caught , paying fines....

hot, messy, noisy, wet, loud,
in your face.
refusing to be ignored.
refusing to let you win.
refusing to give up on you.

sure its not perfect.
some people are quick to point out... the corruption, poverty, the roads, the traffic, pollution, the despair..
but thats no reason not to go back home

home.

its still home.

with all its filth and people and dust and mosquitoes.

its still home.

yes i'm going back.

yes i'm coming back home.

stop asking.